I suppose this Email should have gone up sooner, but I've been outrageously busy. Plus, Time Warner's crappy equipment has already crapped even though I only just got internet at home this summer. So, I'm stuck back on the neighbor's signal or at the kosher subway, where they let people use their signal. I got an Email on Friday from someone who stopped talking to me months back. It was titled, "hi!" and in my innocence I was thinking Hi! like she wants to see what I've been up to and so on. DUH! I should have known better.
Yom Kippur looming overhead means that Jews are apologizing to people they have no intention of ever speaking to ever again in their lives. Maybe I'm a little cynical, but I think there is something phony about "hi!" The reality is that this girl can't stand me, thinks she's better than me and so on. She just wanted her pass for Yom Kippur. Maybe it's better if people keep their arrogant attitudes that fester underneath their sweet exteriors in check in the first place.
I didn't reply to the Email.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
More clarification on the Lashon Hara about me...
So, I thought I would expand upon the earlier post.
It seems as though, a good 3 to 4 years ago while I was in the process, someone started by saying that I wasn't serious about my conversion. Now I know that this is why my process was dragged out. It's funny because I keep running into girls who are sleeping around while in the process. One girl wasn't just sleeping around, but dating a mormon. She gave her number to anyone. I would say she wasn't serious. Another girl asked me if they would check if she had her period when she went to the mikveh for conversion, as well as the fact that I overheard her on the phone degrading Jews.
Nevertheless, I have remained the bad guy.
Recently, you all saw the whole story of how I posted on my Facebook status that I was looking for hospitality in Brooklyn so that I don't have to be in a bind regarding my last class which ends at 4:55 pm. I got a message from someone (married guy, actually) who does NOT live in Brooklyn reacting as if I had messaged him and put him on the spot. Then he got back to me by phone, that he found Monsey. When I said that wouldn't work, he went on and on over and over again, emphasizing that I had an ORTHODOX conversion.
See now I understand what was going on. He heard this gossip that I was not serious and he was reacting basedon that. Here's the problem with that: If I was not serious when I converted, why did I convert? If I had a boyfriend that I was hiding, I would have been married by now. Why have I turned down countless non religious or barely religious guys that the community/shadchans have pushed on me? Furthermore, I challenge anyone who says this about me, to back themselves up. Honestly, I can't even imagine where it could have legitimately come from. No one in my community really took the time to get to know me while I was in the process. According to my source, it came from where I live and it came from a rabbi's mouth. I pretty much know what rabbi they are talking about. He barely talked to me. I suppose he was taking the word of women who don't keep Shabbos or kosher...
Also, I want to point out this is supposed to be old gossip that never died, so the argument that it comes from my experience of being soured on the religion in the last couple months is invalidated.
It seems as though, a good 3 to 4 years ago while I was in the process, someone started by saying that I wasn't serious about my conversion. Now I know that this is why my process was dragged out. It's funny because I keep running into girls who are sleeping around while in the process. One girl wasn't just sleeping around, but dating a mormon. She gave her number to anyone. I would say she wasn't serious. Another girl asked me if they would check if she had her period when she went to the mikveh for conversion, as well as the fact that I overheard her on the phone degrading Jews.
Nevertheless, I have remained the bad guy.
Recently, you all saw the whole story of how I posted on my Facebook status that I was looking for hospitality in Brooklyn so that I don't have to be in a bind regarding my last class which ends at 4:55 pm. I got a message from someone (married guy, actually) who does NOT live in Brooklyn reacting as if I had messaged him and put him on the spot. Then he got back to me by phone, that he found Monsey. When I said that wouldn't work, he went on and on over and over again, emphasizing that I had an ORTHODOX conversion.
See now I understand what was going on. He heard this gossip that I was not serious and he was reacting basedon that. Here's the problem with that: If I was not serious when I converted, why did I convert? If I had a boyfriend that I was hiding, I would have been married by now. Why have I turned down countless non religious or barely religious guys that the community/shadchans have pushed on me? Furthermore, I challenge anyone who says this about me, to back themselves up. Honestly, I can't even imagine where it could have legitimately come from. No one in my community really took the time to get to know me while I was in the process. According to my source, it came from where I live and it came from a rabbi's mouth. I pretty much know what rabbi they are talking about. He barely talked to me. I suppose he was taking the word of women who don't keep Shabbos or kosher...
Also, I want to point out this is supposed to be old gossip that never died, so the argument that it comes from my experience of being soured on the religion in the last couple months is invalidated.
Inside the Orthodox Men's Sex World
So, over the past week, such as erev yontiff and on yontiff, I learned some hot gossip and happenings. In particular, I've heard from some Orthodox men and some OTD men about the Orthodox sex world or lack thereof. Apparently, they are being cracked down on. First thing I heard from several men is that Craiglist received some big crackdown and now they don't know where to find the cheapest whores. I'm told that for some Frumster has become the new Craiglist. I also heard from an inside source that the website of choice for others is whatever version of shaindy.com is going on. One chubby guy was begging me and asking me if I had any friends for him.
I'm not sure how successful the Orthodox men are at getting it. I am, however, very sure they are trying. A guy was able to tell me something that he found out by accident. He was in an official building taking care of something (not that) in downtown Brooklyn and repeatedly seeing these Jewish men all headed in the same direction. A couple of the guys asked him if he was there for the "program." Well, you know how us Jews are, we like to have information. So, he followed the crew of Orthodox, mostly Chasidic men and asked someone about the room to where they were all heading. It turns out, this "program" was for those who got caught soliciting prostitution. Oy, vey! Meanwhile, I bet these wives thought their husbands were off "learning Torah." This is what women are supposed to financially support the household for?
I'm not sure how successful the Orthodox men are at getting it. I am, however, very sure they are trying. A guy was able to tell me something that he found out by accident. He was in an official building taking care of something (not that) in downtown Brooklyn and repeatedly seeing these Jewish men all headed in the same direction. A couple of the guys asked him if he was there for the "program." Well, you know how us Jews are, we like to have information. So, he followed the crew of Orthodox, mostly Chasidic men and asked someone about the room to where they were all heading. It turns out, this "program" was for those who got caught soliciting prostitution. Oy, vey! Meanwhile, I bet these wives thought their husbands were off "learning Torah." This is what women are supposed to financially support the household for?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
My Life Is Not ALL Bad...
I just wanted to take a second to clarify something. My life probably seems a lot worse from my blog than it is. The truth is that mostly it's boring and busy with school. It so happens that the garbage with my community is one of the more interesting facets of my life.
Now, if you read the last post, you know what drama I'm talking about. However, many people seem to be misunderstanding something: people, who likely barely knew me decided what they thought about me and rambled it on and somewhere along the line, people who probably knew me just as well, accepted their truth as fact without stopping to think that maybe you shouldn't listen to what others say about people. It makes it even worse if a rabbi was involved in the repeating of myths.
Anywho, most of my life consists of my ignoring the corrupt Jewish community. I have friends from school and a very good friend that I worked with in 2005/2006. What I don't have, is close friends who are Jewish. I have a ton of acquaintances who are Jewish but, FRIENDS? I scratch my head if I try to come up with Jewish friends. Some of the acquaintances have done or said something that created a barrier to where I couldn't think of them as friends, ever. Others are just simply busy little social butterflies who have many close friends in their friend-etoire. One of the nice things about my acquaintances at my college's Hillel is that people aren't so into gossiping like the married women are. Most people have no clue that I'm a gyoress, because they don't, upon meeting me, hurl at me questions like, "what's your background? Where did you go to bais yaakov?" etc. Part of this might be due to the fact that when you go to someone for a meal, they really know you're not an FFB. FFB's have people. They have aunts, uncles, friends they went to camp with and friend of a friends. BT's and converts can be in this unfortunate position of not having people. The cold, dark reality is that people LOVE to take advantage of, or at least pity those less fortunate. Perhaps this ties back into what a commenter said a couple posts back or so about people wanting gerim to be helpless. We come in helpless and at the mercy of those with yichus and strings and unfortunately some of them want to keep us at their mercy. Another commenter said that the number one reason people go OTD is how the community treats them. I actually think this is more true of gerim and BTs than FFBs. After all, most FFBs that go OTD do do so for theological reasons. Some even had some nice yichus before going OTD. I read online somewhere that one person (not impossible to find out but, I don't want to say) was turned away a couple times from an OTD support group because of his yichus.
Ok, well, this post turned into an ADHD brain fart... and my friend is tutoring me in math tomorrow morning so, I must sleep my brain away...
Now, if you read the last post, you know what drama I'm talking about. However, many people seem to be misunderstanding something: people, who likely barely knew me decided what they thought about me and rambled it on and somewhere along the line, people who probably knew me just as well, accepted their truth as fact without stopping to think that maybe you shouldn't listen to what others say about people. It makes it even worse if a rabbi was involved in the repeating of myths.
Anywho, most of my life consists of my ignoring the corrupt Jewish community. I have friends from school and a very good friend that I worked with in 2005/2006. What I don't have, is close friends who are Jewish. I have a ton of acquaintances who are Jewish but, FRIENDS? I scratch my head if I try to come up with Jewish friends. Some of the acquaintances have done or said something that created a barrier to where I couldn't think of them as friends, ever. Others are just simply busy little social butterflies who have many close friends in their friend-etoire. One of the nice things about my acquaintances at my college's Hillel is that people aren't so into gossiping like the married women are. Most people have no clue that I'm a gyoress, because they don't, upon meeting me, hurl at me questions like, "what's your background? Where did you go to bais yaakov?" etc. Part of this might be due to the fact that when you go to someone for a meal, they really know you're not an FFB. FFB's have people. They have aunts, uncles, friends they went to camp with and friend of a friends. BT's and converts can be in this unfortunate position of not having people. The cold, dark reality is that people LOVE to take advantage of, or at least pity those less fortunate. Perhaps this ties back into what a commenter said a couple posts back or so about people wanting gerim to be helpless. We come in helpless and at the mercy of those with yichus and strings and unfortunately some of them want to keep us at their mercy. Another commenter said that the number one reason people go OTD is how the community treats them. I actually think this is more true of gerim and BTs than FFBs. After all, most FFBs that go OTD do do so for theological reasons. Some even had some nice yichus before going OTD. I read online somewhere that one person (not impossible to find out but, I don't want to say) was turned away a couple times from an OTD support group because of his yichus.
Ok, well, this post turned into an ADHD brain fart... and my friend is tutoring me in math tomorrow morning so, I must sleep my brain away...
Friday, September 3, 2010
CONFIRMED!!! Queens Jews have been running their mouth on me!!
Well, a kind person from Queens found out a while back and they just told me that they were told by a reliable source (which was also disclosed to me) that people in Queens have been running their mouth on me. Now, I spent two years in the process and I'm nearing my two year anniversary since my conversion and the phone calls just stopped this summer when someone point blank asked me if I was observant. Apparently, someone decided that I wasn't sincere and ran their mouth to people who ran their mouth and so on. The rabbis apparently joined in the listening and speaking of lashon hara.
It's interesting, here I am, with my life on my blog but, they'd rather listen to each other tell my business.
Yes, I've been turning more and more sour since my conversion. I imagine that Hashem weeps some big fat giant tears as they rip me apart. The Jewish people are supposed to be "priests unto the nations." To me, that means an example... a good example. I have really seen some horrible sides of people.
We hear that story over and over again about the guy who gossiped and then was instructed to open up a feather pillow into the wind. Then he is asked to go and collect the feathers. I know you've all heard or read this. This is a story about why you shouldn't speak lashon hara. The absolute important point of this is that you shouldn't speak ill of others. If for some reason, it turns out that you are wrong, you can never get that back because the person you told has told others and even if you go to them and say that it turns out you were wrong and the gossip wasn't true, first off, they've already told others, second of all, it will always be there in their mind.
You've all seen it here on this blog. Time after time, I have had these tribulations in the Jewish community. I'll be honest. They have really soured something that was once sweet that was inside me. For those of you who have contributed to it, I hope you're proud of yourselves. It's good thing Jews don't shave with razors because it should be awefully hard to shave without looking yourself in the mirror. Of course, somehow, I think the people in that category prance around and pat themselves on the pat. They probably thing they are good and innocent. Destroying another person, though, through your words is serious business. I'm quite sorry that no one seems to be able to impress that upon people.
It's interesting, here I am, with my life on my blog but, they'd rather listen to each other tell my business.
Yes, I've been turning more and more sour since my conversion. I imagine that Hashem weeps some big fat giant tears as they rip me apart. The Jewish people are supposed to be "priests unto the nations." To me, that means an example... a good example. I have really seen some horrible sides of people.
We hear that story over and over again about the guy who gossiped and then was instructed to open up a feather pillow into the wind. Then he is asked to go and collect the feathers. I know you've all heard or read this. This is a story about why you shouldn't speak lashon hara. The absolute important point of this is that you shouldn't speak ill of others. If for some reason, it turns out that you are wrong, you can never get that back because the person you told has told others and even if you go to them and say that it turns out you were wrong and the gossip wasn't true, first off, they've already told others, second of all, it will always be there in their mind.
You've all seen it here on this blog. Time after time, I have had these tribulations in the Jewish community. I'll be honest. They have really soured something that was once sweet that was inside me. For those of you who have contributed to it, I hope you're proud of yourselves. It's good thing Jews don't shave with razors because it should be awefully hard to shave without looking yourself in the mirror. Of course, somehow, I think the people in that category prance around and pat themselves on the pat. They probably thing they are good and innocent. Destroying another person, though, through your words is serious business. I'm quite sorry that no one seems to be able to impress that upon people.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Guest Post: No yeshivas for us! Homeschooling in Orthodox Brooklyn
No yeshivas for us! Homeschooling in Orthodox Brooklyn
By: Michelle Kleinman
When my older daughter was not yet two, the big question that started coming up was “Where are you sending her to playgroup?” I got this question from everyone, from my in-laws to strangers on the street. Truth is, I hadn’t really thought about it. Since I am able to stay home with my children, the idea of sending them away at such a young age seemed rather silly. At that age, the experience can best be described as daycare. So I was honest. I said that I would keep her home with me for a few years.
Judging by my family’s reaction, one would think that I had offered to drop them off in the jungle to be raised by wolves. “What will you do when they’re older?” I was asked. “If you don’t send them to playgroup, no yeshiva school will accept them.”
Fine. Yeshiva tuition’s expensive anyway. I’ll just homeschool them.
Since that time, I have gotten exceedingly annoyed at the questions that have been hurled at me. Interestingly enough, only one question was about their educations. One of my relatives asked my how I would teach my sons Gemara. (Since I don’t have any sons yet, I’m not sure. But I might slip some Gemara lessons to my daughters…). This actually surprised me, since I do not have any yeshiva background myself. I expected to be asked “How will you teach Chumash?” “How will you know what to teach and when to teach it?” In matters of Limudei Kodesh, these are the questions which nag at me. However, there have been almost no questions in that regard. In fact, one of my neighbors said that girls’ schools were created primarily to keep girls out of trouble! Instead, here are the questions I get most, and the snarky responses I wish I had the cojones to deliver…
1.I couldn’t stand to be around my kids all day. Maybe you should have thought of that before you had six of them!
2.How will your kids learn to socialize? We’re talking to you, aren’t we? Believe it or not, there is more involved in homeschooling than locking your kid in the closet with a stack of textbooks!
3.How will they make friends? All the groups you want to send them to are full of non-Jewish and non-Orthodox kids. Oh, no, not that! They might learn that non-Orthodox and non-Jewish people are actually human! Call ACS, please!
4.I knew this one family that homeschooled their kids and they all turned out isolated and weird. And I know this one family that sent their kid to school, and she was bullied so mercilessly that she has deep-seated psychological problems to this day! Not all socialization is positive!
5.But you’re thinking of public school. Yeshivas don’t have bullies in them. Then why do so many people ask me about dealing with bullying? Kids are kids, some are going to be obnoxious jerks, and if you think a yarmulke or a Bais Yaakov uniform will change that, you’re living in dreamland. (Michal note: I actually read an article in like Binah or something that said Yeshivas have a BIGGER problem with bullying that public school.)
6.Why don’t you want to send them to school? Because Bais Yaakov is expensive, and, judging by the graduates, none too impressive education-wise. (Michal’s note: No kidding they have these 19 year old seminary graduates who bolt to Lakewood in the middle of the year because they were only “marking time”).
7. How will you prepare them for the adult world? Certainly not by shoving them in an environment that discourages autonomy and independent decision-making at the expense of groupthink. I'd rather teach them responsible decision-making skills that are in line with their values, rather than provide the answers before they've even thought of the questions. Moreover, I don't think any sane parent would really want their children handling about 90% of the decisions that adults have to make.
8.What if they want to go to school? They’ll go. New York requires a boatload of paperwork to homeschool. Between the paperwork, my kids’ personality, and the fact that we could probably swing a year’s tuition (money talks louder than most people care to admit), they could probably get accepted somewhere.
The common theme here is not an overarching concern for my children’s education (which, if I recall, is the actual purpose of school), but a concern that my kids may learn something other than closed, ghettoized world of Brooklyn Orthodoxy. And, really, that’s reason enough to want to keep my kids home!
By: Michelle Kleinman
When my older daughter was not yet two, the big question that started coming up was “Where are you sending her to playgroup?” I got this question from everyone, from my in-laws to strangers on the street. Truth is, I hadn’t really thought about it. Since I am able to stay home with my children, the idea of sending them away at such a young age seemed rather silly. At that age, the experience can best be described as daycare. So I was honest. I said that I would keep her home with me for a few years.
Judging by my family’s reaction, one would think that I had offered to drop them off in the jungle to be raised by wolves. “What will you do when they’re older?” I was asked. “If you don’t send them to playgroup, no yeshiva school will accept them.”
Fine. Yeshiva tuition’s expensive anyway. I’ll just homeschool them.
Since that time, I have gotten exceedingly annoyed at the questions that have been hurled at me. Interestingly enough, only one question was about their educations. One of my relatives asked my how I would teach my sons Gemara. (Since I don’t have any sons yet, I’m not sure. But I might slip some Gemara lessons to my daughters…). This actually surprised me, since I do not have any yeshiva background myself. I expected to be asked “How will you teach Chumash?” “How will you know what to teach and when to teach it?” In matters of Limudei Kodesh, these are the questions which nag at me. However, there have been almost no questions in that regard. In fact, one of my neighbors said that girls’ schools were created primarily to keep girls out of trouble! Instead, here are the questions I get most, and the snarky responses I wish I had the cojones to deliver…
1.I couldn’t stand to be around my kids all day. Maybe you should have thought of that before you had six of them!
2.How will your kids learn to socialize? We’re talking to you, aren’t we? Believe it or not, there is more involved in homeschooling than locking your kid in the closet with a stack of textbooks!
3.How will they make friends? All the groups you want to send them to are full of non-Jewish and non-Orthodox kids. Oh, no, not that! They might learn that non-Orthodox and non-Jewish people are actually human! Call ACS, please!
4.I knew this one family that homeschooled their kids and they all turned out isolated and weird. And I know this one family that sent their kid to school, and she was bullied so mercilessly that she has deep-seated psychological problems to this day! Not all socialization is positive!
5.But you’re thinking of public school. Yeshivas don’t have bullies in them. Then why do so many people ask me about dealing with bullying? Kids are kids, some are going to be obnoxious jerks, and if you think a yarmulke or a Bais Yaakov uniform will change that, you’re living in dreamland. (Michal note: I actually read an article in like Binah or something that said Yeshivas have a BIGGER problem with bullying that public school.)
6.Why don’t you want to send them to school? Because Bais Yaakov is expensive, and, judging by the graduates, none too impressive education-wise. (Michal’s note: No kidding they have these 19 year old seminary graduates who bolt to Lakewood in the middle of the year because they were only “marking time”).
7. How will you prepare them for the adult world? Certainly not by shoving them in an environment that discourages autonomy and independent decision-making at the expense of groupthink. I'd rather teach them responsible decision-making skills that are in line with their values, rather than provide the answers before they've even thought of the questions. Moreover, I don't think any sane parent would really want their children handling about 90% of the decisions that adults have to make.
8.What if they want to go to school? They’ll go. New York requires a boatload of paperwork to homeschool. Between the paperwork, my kids’ personality, and the fact that we could probably swing a year’s tuition (money talks louder than most people care to admit), they could probably get accepted somewhere.
The common theme here is not an overarching concern for my children’s education (which, if I recall, is the actual purpose of school), but a concern that my kids may learn something other than closed, ghettoized world of Brooklyn Orthodoxy. And, really, that’s reason enough to want to keep my kids home!
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