I thought it would be an interesting endeavor to think about how people define what they mean when they tell people to grow up. Sometimes, via context clues, people mean coming to an understanding that being a good or bad person doesn't REALLY dictate whether good or bad things happen to you. Some people mean breaking the rules and not getting caught or not ratting out friends when they break rules. Other people define it with strict gender roles. Women are grown up when they wear make up, heels, get married and have kids. Men are grown up when they are married and paying the bills and have a mortgage.
Looking online, most people define it by taking on responsibility. It's doing what needs to be done. Therefore, if a woman has kids, but her mother in law raises the first one then the oldest raises the rest of them, how grown up is she really? Also, she's not the one paying the mortgage.
Personally, I think it's laughable that wearing heels and make up are supposed to show that a woman is grown up. It would be a whole 'nother post, but they always refer to heels and make up as "taking care of yourself." Um, heels are destructive to the feet in the long term and make up is destructive to the skin in the long term so, I don't see how that could be responsible. As for having a child, it makes you grown up if you step up to the plate, but if you have a kid and then pawn it off on others, you are not responsible, no? NO.
So what do my readers think??
Ugh, I really dislike the phrase "takes care of yourself." Funny me, for the longest time when I saw that phrase, I thought it meant someone who was responsible in that they were able to live within their means (barring unusual circumstances), and being responsible to one family, community and society. In the context of being a single frum woman, I've learned when men say they look for "takes care of oneself" they mean someone who is thin with minimal amount of effort and is cover model ready at a moment's notice. Which as you mentioned generally includes make up, heels, but also a fantastic blown-out hair style, and clothing with prominent designer labels. Nevermind if one could afford it. Nor for many people with real jobs and real life demands is it realistic to pull off on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteSomehow, "takes care of oneself" is more about the image rather than the reality. I have no issue with women that are lucky enough to be naturally thin and/or choose to be fashionable if their means allow for it, but often this isn't the case. But I don't like the unfavorable judgement for the regular folks who don't have the finances or interest. A woman that works out enough to be healthy but is not thin, just average, and wears clothing that is budget friendly and more practical is often considered to be sloppy and unkempt. The latter is someone I truly consider as "taking care of herself."
I never really noticed the phrased until I moved to NYC. A lot of men I'd be chit chatting with would say that I seem to take care of myself. I was like wtf does that mean? I asked a female acquaintance and she was like it means they want to have sex you with you. HA! It does... but I was looking for a more analytical approach.
ReplyDeleteThe girls you describe are exactly what they mean and those women usually have parents helping to foot the bill. I always find it funny, many men act like these sorts of women are the only women that exist or are valid, but then they don't understand why "women" are always shallow and feel deserving of money and gifts and treat men badly. How one dresses communicates something about themselves. These men need to understand these women communicate with their adornment that they are shallow and bratty-especially in NYC.