I have a new blog and Youtube channel

I have a new blog and a youtube channel, so if anyone is still with this blog or checks it, though it's been quite a while, you can find me over there.

Why the change?

Well, first off, there was quite a gap in time and I haven't, quite honestly, been using this Gmail account. Also, while I covered politics sometimes here before, politics is most of what I cover now. I've also changed over from using Michaltastik to using "Analytical Chick." I'm no longer just targeting a Jewish audience and talking about Jewish topics. I'm more talking about politics, but there's a definite Jewish bias to my posts and videos. In May, I went to a peaceful protest against Linda Sarsour, BDS proponent and political activist. I wrote a few posts about her, my trip to the protest, and the media coverage of the protest. If you don't know who Linda Sarsour is, you should look at my blog and/or search her on Youtube where many people have made videos about her. I've also done some videos about imams speaking against Jews.

I'm begining to shift and cover communism in America because a lot of people don't realize that there is a group trying to overthrow the government and put a communist government into place. I was always pretty much politically asleep. I figured or hoped that if I needed to wake up and speak out on the nation's behalf someone I knew that was politically active would basically shake me awake. Well, if you're like I was, I'm here to tell you, it's time-it's past time. Yes, we dodged a bullet and got Donald Trump elected instead of Hillary. Hillary was accepting many donations from countries in the Middle East like Qatar, which still has slavery legal TODAY, all the while proclaiming that she was for all sorts of minorities. Donald Trump has enough money that he can't be bought by foreign nations. However, there is still much work to be done. There are many corrupt politicians that need to be voted out.

Besides, the news that I cover, I provide a list on my new blog of many other political youtubers. I recommend checking some of them out and becoming aware as to all of the things that are going on, that the mainstream media hasn't been reporting. Perhaps, you were aware the media is bad, but had no idea where to look for the real news and what independent providers you can trust. Anyone that I've asterisked on my list is recommended by me. I've spot checked their reports and stand behind them.

Women Should Stop Dating

I was just looking at the forum for "MGTOW" or Men Going Their Own Way. Wow! These are a bunch of mediocre men pissed off that they can't get the hottest woman around. Mind you, they are also pissed that they feel women aren't working the occupations they feel are "real" jobs, so even if they could attract the creme de la creme women, they'd be pissed off at her for being a teacher or nurse or some other female-dominated job. Also, such women are prone to sitting their butt being paid by men just for being pretty and you know, batting those false eyelashes they so carefully put on.

The men on this group advocate that if they can't get laid on the first date, they should drop a woman. They advise men playing hard to get and they seem to think that women will then run after them... I sure don't. Honestly, I don't think these men work, but I think they get on these forums and they really get into this mentality.... They are cranky to the Nth degree. They are the new sexist. They want us to pay for at least ourselves on the first date then go home with them to their bedroom. I'm going to guess these men may get first dates... maybe a lot of them... but they don't get second dates. The only women I have been friends with that would sleep with men early on, were women that trust me, no man should want them.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure many of the guys I've gone on first dates with were from a camp like this. This is exactly why I don't even want to try anymore. I'm already at an age where I shouldn't try to have kids anyway, because the risks for Down Syndrome are much higher. Congratulations to the white men of America for refusing to marry suitable white women and causing the white race to become extinct.

Shit-uck.....a recent exchange with a "shadchan"

Recently, someone wanted to set me up... here is the exchange with personal information redacted... Then I will close with more information and my thoughts.... Anything written in < > is not from the conversation...

It started when I changed my profile pic and he commented on it to contact him re a shidduch. So I asked on a FB message and this is what transpired.... 

March 28, 2013 10:16 pm

Me:

I don't have your number. So, why don't you send me information. How old is he? What does he do? What disabilities does he have? Where did he grow up? What's his highest level of education? What neighborhood does he live in? What kind of Jew does he consider himself? You know, normal stuff that people want to know....

March 29, 2013 12:00 am

Shadchan:

<blank message>

October 13th, 6:39pm

Shadchan:

I just got this message. He is a Rabbi. He is an author. Does Hashgacha around the world. Has an apartment in Manhattan lat time i checked.
My number is <redacted>

October 13th, 8:50pm

Me:

You still didn't tell me how old he was. Do you text or call only?

Shadchan:

I haven't spoken to him in awhile. I would guess that he is in his really fifties

Early

What is there besides text and talk?

Me:

Yeah, early fifties is too old. There's Email and FB messages.

I prefer younger men actually. They are nicer.

October 13th, 10:18pm

Shadchan:

I have to get his age for you

Me:

I date 30 to 49-firm. My 18 year old niece has more wrinkles than I do.

Wednesday 11:44am

Shadchan:

Rabbi thinks that revealing his age is an eekuv. He would tell you on first date. Ball is in your court. Check Internet for <redacted name of prospective shidduch>.

Wednesday 8:31pm

Me:

There is a halacha against wasting another person's time. Refusing to give basic information that everyone exchanges seems to fall under this category.

<asked some female FFBs. They didn't know what eekuv was. A guy told me it is a delay.... and that the man refusing to share his age is the one eekuvin'>

Thursday 5:49am

<after googling the man and getting the impression he was around 60>

It's ok, I'm not interested. He's too old for me. I told you 49 is my max and honestly I am not even interested in men over 43.

October 27th, 5:11pm

Shadchan:

Ok. Age isn't everything though.

October 27th, 9:30pm

Me:

Well, then maybe he should think that way and date a woman his own age. I'm a very visual person so it's very important to me. My time is very valuable and I don't give it away for free to people acting sketchy.

October 27th, 10:37pm

And you say age isn't everything, so WHAT do me and this man have in common? You basically come at me with the usual, "I have a guy for you" but you failed to tell me a thing about him. I'm quite sure he came to you and asked you for a much younger woman, so obviously age doesn't mean anything to him... He's 60, right? or older? Yeah.. we are at different stages in our life, that's what... He's planning his retirement and dealing with hemorrhoids, going to the doctor and taking meds and I'm... well, not even middle aged yet. Not to mention, I look so young most people think I am 16 to 25.

BTW, someone just asked me to ask you, did you set your daughter up with guys 20 years older than her and refuse to tell her the guy's age? If I wanted to settle for someone much older, I wouldn't be single.... there's been a plethora of guys 15 years older than me with whom people have tried to set me up...

Shadchan:

I don't know if I should even bother answering you. You obviously have a chip on tour shoulder. He did not ask me to meet anyone.
I told you to Google him and learn what you could.

Shadchan:

You are obviously very much in demand.

Shadchan:

Good luck to you. I'm sure there is a line of men waiting for you.

Tuesday 2:00am

Me:

I didn't ask you to set me up... you put a note on my profile that you wanted to set me up. I don't want to get married. I keep telling everyone this and then they keep coming with these men 15 and 20 years older than me.. because I guess if I don't want to get married, I'll change my mind for a man 20 years older than me? I don't buy for a second that he didn't ask you for a woman young enough that she could still have kids.... because that's exactly what they do. You used to be nice. Now you're being mean to me. If you want to call it me having a chip on my shoulder, then call it that.... I call it being aware of the tricks people are trying to play on me and being so over it.

************************END

BTW, for those who didn't see this on my Facebook... I finally found the age with googling... he's 62... I wanted to share this because I'm always told that I should just say thanks but no thanks. The only problem is, you see that the "no thanks" is met with retorts....This person is in the position to potentially trash me in the community with lashon hara.... I wanted my side out there clear as day... this is the conversation. The only edits are for names and such.

Mansplaining Is a Turn Off, Boys! Here is some dating advice for you

First a definition based on the wikipedia entry for it:
Mansplaining is a portmanteau of the words "man" and "explaining" that describes the act of a man speaking to a woman with the assumption that she knows less than he does about the topic being discussed on the basis of her gender. Mansplaining is different from other forms of condescension because it is rooted in the assumption that, in general, a man is likely to be more knowledgeable than a woman. It is further defined as "the intersection between overconfidence and cluelessness", rooted in a "presumption, that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men's unsupported overconfidence."


I will just add that the unwillingness to have a conversation (you know, an EXCHANGE) with the woman, but rather bombard her with information is a huge characteristic of mansplaining.

I remember when I was 18 and I got away from Christianity and started actually potentially dating guys... prior to that it was just me liking church boys that I would never be good enough for-because my parents were divorced and I didn't come from a religious home. I remember once getting off the phone with a guy and noticing that suddenly all the guys in my life knew a lot of STUFF... as a young 18 year old, I thought this was cool. Somehow, I thought it meant they respected me and my intelligence. Eventually, I guess I ran across guys doing this when I actually knew about the subject at hand..

By now, I'm 38, and I'm pretty knowledgeable about a lot of different things so my initial positive reaction to what I now know was "mansplaining" has turned quite sour. I really hate... I mean hate, being on a first date or when I'm talking to a guy that seems interested in me and that guy starts confidently teaching me about something and HE'S WRONG. I know he's wrong because we're talking about something that I know about. I've decided this is the worst kind of mansplaining. The time that this happened to me that really stands out, the guy had just mansplained to me how to lose weight because in response to "what did you do earlier today?" I told him I had gone to the gym and run on the treadmill. Then we started talking about actual running and with audacity and arrogance, he did it again and was even wrong about the information. I always see online that guys say they don't like a woman arguing with them on a date, so, I gently stated, "are you sure? because I don't think that's correct" BAM! He came at me even harder with his arrogance. I looked at my watch... crap! I wanted to walk out, but I was staying for the weekend at a friend's in Manhattan and my friend went out to eat and wouldn't be back home yet.

Next in my line of mansplaining products that I dislike is mansplaining about how to lose weight. Guys just seem so clueless that mansplaining to a woman you are interested in on how to lose weight communicates this: "I think you are fat." The same gentleman from above who had done that prior to manplaining about running, I stopped him and point blank ASKED if he thought I was fat. He said, "no." So all I could think was, if you don't think I'm fat, you really need to shut the fuck up. I was angry to be on a date and to be on the receiving end of an insult. Of course women aren't allowed to tell men, "hey, you need to shut up because you are insulting me." We're supposed to be nicey nice and sweet and put up with being insulted by our dates in this manner and go on more dates with these guys and sleep with any man that wants to sleep with us, but we're also supposed to be prudes... Oh I'm going off on a tangent....

Finally, other mansplaining when the man actually does know more than us is also pretty crappy. This is a little harder to tell that we are being mansplained to, but one key is if we stop them and ask a question, the way they answer it and if they seem to assume we can follow them, or if answer in a very condescending manner.

So, now begs the question, why do men do this? I've actually noticed that men mostly do this on dates early in a relationship or when you are at a party or a bar. The woman that coined the term had it happen at a party. On the other hand, I sometimes have casual conversations with men I don't know in public places like the grocery store and I walk away thinking, "that was a PLEASANT conversation with a MAN. Why couldn't my conversations on dates be like that? If they were, I'd for sure be able to find someone."  So it is from this that it hit me... men actually think mansplaining is attractive. Men mansplain when they are trying to win a woman over.

Well, I'm here to tell you, you are more likely to win me over by complimenting me and acknowledging that I am not an idiot. If you want to show interest in a woman, ask her out. Here are some ways to do this, "can I take you out to dinner?" "Let me take you out for coffee sometime." "I am attracted to you and would like to get to know you, is there any interest on  your part?"

Now on that first date: it's ok tell a woman she is pretty or beautiful once or twice, but if you sit there on the first date repeatedly telling her she is beautiful, it's too much. Just talk to her. Tell her about you and let her interject with information about herself. Ask questions about her hobbies and interests and favorite music and TV. Come up for air. Don't physically crowd her space. Read her body language. Does she move away from you? Does she look bored? Don't ask if you are doing ok on the date. That triggers the thought that you are a loser and she won't be honest. Also don't make a big deal about the fact that you are paying. Just pay for the date and don't talk about it. I've had guys say it's their treat or act like it's a big deal that they paid or even worse they start muttering like they can't afford to take a woman out. All of that makes me think you aren't interested or you're an ass. If you have an issue with paying then invite her to free or cheap stuff. I'm not a gold digger, but I'm not spending my free time with a stranger and paying for myself. Women are looking for a connection on a date, unless she has daddy issues, but trust me, you don't want a grown woman with daddy issues. I've been friends with women like that. They are a mess.

Immigrant Men and Street Harassment

When people talk about street harassment, they talk about construction workers whistling. I don't know if I've ever endured that scenario, but what I deal with constantly, are immigrant men bothering me. Most specifically, these are men from the sorts of countries where they think women need to be punished for leaving the kitchen.

I'm here to say that if these men are not citizens of this country, they shouldn't be making life so much less pleasant for those who are. It is not our culture that I should have to marry a man I don't want and never leave the house. It is our culture that women should be free. We are turning into a third world nation and it's high time we all get angry about that. You may now have the luxury of not dealing with this because you may not live in NYC, but they are coming more and more. Soon women will not be able to leave the house without experiencing the kind of harassment that women endure in the Middle East. You think it won't come here? The Muslims are already protesting in Michigan that they want to turn the US Middle Eastern. The Mexican will support their hatred for women and women will no longer be safe. Is this what we want for our sisters, wives, daughters, granddaughters and neighbors?

To Be Or Not To Be-GROWN UP

I thought it would be an interesting endeavor to think about how people define what they mean when they tell people to grow up. Sometimes, via context clues, people mean coming to an understanding that being a good or bad person doesn't REALLY dictate whether good or bad things happen to you. Some people mean breaking the rules and not getting caught or not ratting out friends when they break rules. Other people define it with strict gender roles. Women are grown up when they wear make up, heels, get married and have kids. Men are grown up when they are married and paying the bills and have a mortgage.

Looking online, most people define it by taking on responsibility. It's doing what needs to be done. Therefore, if a woman has kids, but her mother in law raises the first one then the oldest raises the rest of them, how grown up is she really? Also, she's not the one paying the mortgage.

Personally, I think it's laughable that wearing heels and make up are supposed to show that a woman is grown up. It would be a whole 'nother post, but they always refer to heels and make up as "taking care of yourself." Um, heels are destructive to the feet in the long term and make up is destructive to the skin in the long term so, I don't see how that could be responsible. As for having a child, it makes you grown up if you step up to the plate, but if you have a kid and then pawn it off on others, you are not responsible, no? NO.

So what do my readers think??

People Do Not MEAN WELL!!!

One of the things I find most utterly annoying about most people I talk to is that they are either delusional or nasty in that they tell you that people mean well. Really? So the Jewish community actually MEANS well with the crap that they pull?

Basically, the way it works is that multiple people come to me and give me unsolicited advice-THE SAME advice from about 10 people at once. It will be to do a certain occupation while no one offers a job or to get married usually. When I tell people over and over to back off and mind their own business, I start getting calls for bullshit at like 7am from people in the community. Really? Everyone calls to invite for Shabbos at 7am? Really everyone cancels Shabbos invites at 7am? Then I do the dumb thing of complaining to people who I mistakenly think are my friends and I'm reminded... oh yeah, no Jew is my friend. I'm sorry, but I'm not delusional enough to think people have my best interests in mind when they do these things. Even if it wasn't some sort of "punishment" to call me at an inappropriate-which I know it's supposed to be-it's selfish that people when it's convenient, not having my best interests in mind or acting like a decent human being.

Well, call all you want at 7am people. I keep my phone on silent. Also, I will know my true friends by those who admit that most humans are selfish pieces of ....

The Problem With These Older Men

I'm really sick of older-I mean way older-men hitting on me. The matchmakers always take their side saying they want to have kids or they want what they are attracted to. If men want kids, they shouldn't wait until they are 50 to worry about this. I hear men my age arrogantly tell me that they are going to wait until they are older and then date younger women. I don't have a single wrinkle on me. I don't have a single gray hair. I've inspected. Most of my friends are a couple years younger than I am. They are ALL starting to gray already. Looking younger than you are is actually something that runs in my family. If I were a liar, like everyone tells me to be, I could easily say I'm 28 and date men my own age. However, I wouldn't want to start a relationship off on a lie like that.

As for the argument that men make that they need to date women they are attracted to, so it doesn't matter that I'm not? What narks me even more that they will chase down a girl that doesn't want them, push themselves on her and after she caves and dates them, they will get mad that she doesn't like them and is using them for their money or "You make me feel like an ATM." Men will say to women, "don't you want a man who is attracted to you?" I guess men don't want a woman who is attracted to them from what I have seen. Personally, I want to gag at the thought of being with someone who looks like a grandfather to me.

rant out

Thanksgivukkah

What am I thankful this Thanksgivukkah? First and foremost, I'm thankful for a roof over my head. I'm thankful for friends of mine, in particular M-who understands how I feel about everything and we enjoy hanging out watching a movie or whatever, S-who is ALWAYS there when I want someone to talk to, and T-my friend from elementary school who really gets some of the unspeakable things I've been through.

What are you thankful for this year?

A New Way To Look At the Agunah problem...

So, I've thought about what an agunah is and how they become one, the Torah creating this ill and the set up of the current get and its system. I've actually thought about this for a while. Back in maybe 2008, I discussed this with a woman friendly kollel wife and then her husband came home and we added him to our discussion.

The idea is when a man marries a woman the katubbah is a commitment to provide all these things to her. It's a one sided contract. The woman does not sign it or anything for that matter. Then when a man is tired of his wife, the Torah dictates that instead of just kicking her out, he has to write up a letter and send her on her way. It seems like from the verse that this was so she could try to go get a new man as men would have feared sleeping with a married woman and having the husband show up to beat him up or whatever. At no point does a woman actually sign anything saying she will cook and clean for him, men just assume that part. At no point does a woman sign over the rights to her body for sex at his whim. All of these things are assumed but not in any contract.

The get is essentially the man buying out of what he signs-the katubbah... so my argument is that first off, the katubbah isn't a valid contract. Even from one law class, I know that a contract contains: offer, consideration and acceptance. This is nothing more than a written offer. There is no consideration or acceptance that makes it onto paper. It is all assumed. Furthermore, if a man doesn't hold up his end of the offer, it seems to me the whole contract should be null and void.

So we asked the husband about this. His response was that the contract isn't valid, so calling it null and void doesn't matter, it's never an enforceable contract in the first place. Ow, my forehead hurts as my palm just went flying into it.... So, if the contract isn't a contract, why do women need another contract to get out of it? What are the women "getting out of" since they never sign away any rights on paper? I mean with a state marriage contract, both men and women are expected to only have sex with each other and figure out their bills and kids together. Both parties have obligations and both parties can initiate divorce. Nevertheless, in the Jewish marriage, actually only a man obligates himself to provide for a woman and their children. In reading the passage about the get, it sounds like it's a courtesy to women so that they can find someone else without the new man fearing repercussions. However, the Torah states unequivocally for men to give this document. Nowhere does it refer to it as a nice thing to do or an option. The Torah communicates it as necessary as keeping Shabbos.... so take that boys!

Parenting: age inappropriate expectations

I know. I know. I don't have kids of my own. However, I watch parents and have noticed this one. I just stumbled across this article on Anger. It discusses anger in response to a kid failing to meet expectations that are just totally wrong for their age and development. Again, I'm not a parent so I'm sure some of you think I don't have the right to have an opinion about this or be blogging about it. I did, however, have a parent that I mostly lived with who was this sort of parent. Thankfully, my mother was a good parent and she was a phone call away. Also, I was more neglected than yelled at for not living up to crazy standards.

In the article, the mother states that she wouldn't have any of her mother's “touchy-feely, psychological nonsense,” and that, “Children must be obedient without prizes, charts or notebooks.” Honestly, to some extent that might be true, especially for an older child. My mother didn't reward me for meeting expectations. She took privileges away when I didn't. Also, maybe I was a freak, but I really wanted to make my mother happy with me. I wanted to make the Honor Roll because she told me all the time that she wanted me to and thought that I could. There were no prizes for this.

The article mentions that often these children/teenagers, "turn to addictions for soothing, since a computer, chocolate or alcohol will never be angry, rejecting or disappointing.." It's probably good that I am only addicted to chocolate and not drugs or alcohol. Most of the rest of the article deals with anger, which is important to deal with, but my point in this blog post was to shed light on expecting kids to act as is appropriate for an older child could damage them. Sometimes, they need to be cut some slack. Again, I'm not a parent but I think many parents would agree with me. In the most extreme, you wouldn't expect a 6 month old to toilet train themselves. You wouldn't expect a 5 year old to go out and support themselves and leave home or even cook their own meals and be left home alone overnight. I mean normal people wouldn't at least. The article touches on more gray areas like how much a child should be spilling before it's ok to yell at them for it. Actually, even grown ups spill. What about a child not falling asleep right away? Well, when a friend of mine and her kids came for Shabbos and her youngest wasn't asleep, I spoke up, "look you don't have to fall asleep, you just have to be quiet and not bother your sister and you can only come out here if you have to go to the bathroom." Well, of course she fell asleep. Her mother, my friend, complimented me for being able to see the solution. Well, I'm also a cheater. I was restless not wanting to go to sleep and that was what my mom told me. Usually it worked, though I remember her catching me reading a book with a flashlight behind my bed so the light wouldn't wake my sister a couple times.... not what she had in mind...

There is a line between being overly permissive and unrealistic expectations and one would want to walk somewhere in the middle. Yeah, well easier said than done, but it's something to think about.

Hipsters

In classic ADHD style, I just ended up on an internet tangent. What started out as me checking my Email, landed in my looking up the definition for hipster. I mean, I watch "Two Broke Girls" and Max throws out the term all the time in her frustration with customers. Nevertheless, I wondered what really is it? Well, it seems that it's what I would call a village type because in NYC, when you go into the village this is the type that you see. It is the modern day hippie, a mainstream counter culture of like minded individuals who shun cliches but only in favor of their own sub culture, thus becoming a bit of a cliche. I would not be a hipster because I'm too much of an individual to fit into some sort of category like that. Contrary to popular belief, I don't see hipsters living off their parents. I see them having parents who are pissed that they didn't become a doctor, lawyer, investment banker or otherwise successful cliche career like their siblings. I had a study group in college with a girl in it who I would suspect of being a hipster. She was a bartender. I can see them being graphic designers and tattoo artists. I'll bet some work as coffee place baristas and computer nerds.

In the historical sense, they evolved from and somewhat overlapped the goth and skater types of the 90s. The goth and skater types 80s counterparts were punk rockers, glam rockers and even metalheads (I was a metalhead in the late 80s) a little. Before those types were the hippie. The hippie was the first and original counter culture. Before that, you were either part of the majority or just different and there was no special box to put you in if you dared to be free thinking.

Who am I? Well, any one of those groups would consider me a poser because I maintain the ability to blend into society at the drop of a hat. Some might call me a loner, but I don't like the term loner. It implies someone who can't fit in, even if they want to, rather than someone who just doesn't see it as some all important thing. I associate trying to fit in with pathetic people who want to be popular and make fools of themselves trying to get with the "in" crowd. You know the type, they were in most teeny bopper movies in the 80s and often later. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin and I'm confident that I haven't fit into a category since my days as a metalhead. I'm just me, that's all and I want to stay myself, thank you very much.

Entitlements To Lashon Hara

One of the things that really annoys me about the Jewish is the way everyone talks about me behind my back and somehow they think I don't know. What strikes me as odd is that people I consider mere casual acquaintances somehow think they have the right to tell me how to run my life. I was discussing this with someone who actually tried to justify it. WTF??? I gave her a scenario-not exactly mine. I was at a Shabbos meal one time and the hostess asked me where else I went for Shabbos. When I mentioned a small community that I went to, she asked me if I knew someone who lived there, we'll call her Rachel. I told her I did indeed know her. She immediately spilled this woman's business to me, "she's been married for over 10 years and she doesn't have a kid yet." She didn't know how well I knew Rachel. The truth is that I was pretty good friends with Rachel at the time and I knew that she had been married a while and I saw that she didn't have a kid. However, the hostess didn't know the two of us together at all. The way she told me this seemed to assume that I didn't know. So, UM, wtf, would people have me do to Rachel? I felt uncomfortable and didn't play into her game. It didn't end there. She told me that if we all make Rachel feel bad then maybe suddenly Rachel will be able to have kids. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm WTF? 

So, I tell this story to this teacher at the local Bais Yaakov and she endorses the lashon hara. She said that sometimes it's necessary for the community to pressure people for their own good. This is textbook lashon hara but yet it was being justified to me. It's personal for me because there are decisions I have made that people don't agree with and the community is ganging up on me. Being Jewish is worse than high school. I've pushed so many people out of my life because they refused to shut up with telling me how to run my life. The fact is that since I pay the consequences of my actions, I get to decide those actions. Anyway, all the little manipulation garbage from casual acquaintances in the world isn't going to change things. Oh and all of you are acquaintances. I only have one Jewish friend and she isn't doing it to me.

Who Does That?

I know that other blogs have been discussing the recent suicide of a 33 year old OTD (off the derech-no longer religious) woman. The woman chose a different path than how she had been raised and did the honorable thing of not living a lie. She divorced her husband. Most of the people posting about this are other OTDers. For me, I have a different prospective.

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I am a convert. I was raised by a lapsed Catholic mother and my still religious grandmother. My father was brought up in a UCC (it's a vanilla type denomination) protestant church and I learned before his death that he was an atheist. Sure, we had up a Kratzmis tree and Easter eggs/basket at both houses. My mom used to go all out with the decorations. She was big on holidays in general. I just had to wear green for St Patrick's day, red for valentines and orange or a costume for Halloween. 

Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. The point is that I was raised as a secular Christian, if that makes any sense. I guess it's like a Jew whose family does a seder and celebrates Chanukah, maybe throw in a Rosh Hashana meal with apples and honey. We didn't even go to Church as a family. When I became a religious Christian in middle/high school my parents always made sure I had a ride to and from Church activities. They supported this even though it wasn't how they raised me. My mother told me towards the end of her life that she thinks most religious people are fakers, that's why she didn't want to be religious. While converting, her words used to ring in my head, "if you're a Christian, you do what you do all week then on Sunday go to church like you're some kind of good person when you aren't. Jews do the same thing with Synagogue on Saturday." My mom died when I was in high school, so long before I was thinking about converting to Judaism. My dad, actually knew about my conversion. His response was that he was glad that, unlike Christianity, I wasn't trying to convert him. He was also annoyed by my requirement for kosher food, but he was fairly supportive anyhow, taking me to the grocery store so I could find what I needed for a week that I spent at home. 

Anyway, the point is that they were pretty supportive of me being something other than exactly what they expected for me. What strikes me, though, is that how much I hear about the evils of LASHON HARA (evil tongue for anyone not in the know reading this, basically gossip and malicious speech) and yet, this woman's family threw so much evil speech at her. Hell, it's an open secret that this is what happens to anyone who leaves the community, especially the chasidic side and slightly more for women than men. Her own flesh and blood-her parents stood up in court to speak of how she needed to lose the very children she carried for 9 months in her very being. Her children were told horrible things about her. How can people speak lashon hara about a mother to her very children. Who does that? I mean I do know, but I can't help the exclamatory, WHO does that? Driving her with painful words and painful gestures until she commited the irreversible act... WHO does that? Yeah, I know... I know her family and her community.... 

Explaining the dating crisis and what to do about it

I am convinced of it. The reason why I haven't been able to find anyone and why so many people are single for too long is that consumerism has crept into dating. Men are objectifying women in a new way. People are making their lists full of every damn detail they want with no distinction between want and need and trying to hold out for something that is an idealized non existent version of their ideal. They. Will. Not. Bend. This is especially true for the men...

They decide ahead of time what she should look like, how much money she should make and how much time they want her to have available for them. These men refuse to admit that they have any flaws themselves. They refuse to find something reasonably what they want and deal with the other details through communication and compromise. "I make 70k a year and there are women that work in my office, so I should be able to get that," one man tells me. I ask, "do you know for a fact they make the same as you?" and suggest that he ask them out instead of chasing me down and simply telling me over and over again that he wants to date me but he will only do so if I'm able to find a job that pays what his pays. He also doesn't want to help me find said job. Of course, he also tells me that the women who work in is office are ugly and he won't date them because they aren't attractive enough.

I mean, if they know a guy who got a girl 20 or 30 years younger, they want that. Also, many men assume that everything is completely and totally about money-as in women only want a guy who has it. There are far more factors that I know for me will turn me off towards a guy, so guys here they are:

-Lying to me-I won't even tell you I've caught you in a lie. You lie about too much too soon, you're done.

-Insulting me. OMG who are these men that think it's a good idea to call a woman fat on a first date or give unsolicited weight loss advice, ask for her weight and so on and somehow they call for a second date? I feel like a man should bite his tongue no matter what and if he isn't interested then don't ask her out again or call her. It's pretty simple.

-prying for overly personal information before or on a first date

-making the conversation sexual early on

-not being able to tell me why you like me. There should be something there besides looks. If you can't find one single attribute or common hobby other than "I think you're pretty," why are you bothering me?

-being pushy or indicating that you think women are stupid/less than men/don't REALLY matter. I told a guy that I was on the Dean's list for 4 semesters straight and he rolled his eyes and started talking dirty to me.

-not having any sort of job whatsoever

-The arrogance of only wanting women 5 or 10 years OR MORE younger than themselves.




I'd rather have a broke guy who stuggles than a guy who doesn't work and lives off his parents
I'd rather have a guy who tells me the struggles he's faced and what's he's done to make his life better
I'd rather have a guy who tells me he accepts my flaws because he knows he's not perfect
I'd rather have a guy who tells me things about me he's noticed that he likes.


I remember back when I still lived in Buffalo, there was this construction worker I liked. I hung all over him and tried to get him to date me. He said I would never stay with him, so he didn't want to give me a chance to break his heart. He pointed out his low income, his status of blue collar and his crooked teeth. All of these things didn't matter. I just wanted someone I would feel comfortable hanging out with.... someone who was honest and sweet. I can't date someone whose IQ is so low that I can't carry on a conversation with him, but having gone to an IVY league school doesn't matter much when you sit there an insult your date, pat her hand like she's an infant and tell her, "don't worry sweetie, I'll let you talk later."

I long for the days of the simple blue collar worker who speaks to me like I'm a person and is convinced that I'm not good enough for him. Even the Blue collar Jews from Brooklyn aren't like that. I am certain that the only true answer to this problem is for Jewish mothers to raise their sons better in the first place. They don't seem to be doing a very good job now based on the experiences I've encountered.

Request: A Little Something About Dating As a Convert

It was requested that I put up a post about dating as a convert. OH where to begin....

I am a cute white girl with Blonde Hair and blueish green eyes and an hourglass figure. When I go out places, men generally stare and try to talk to me. I've been, for most of my life, drooled over by men/boys. I also look substantially younger than I am. It's genetic. My mother and grandmother both looked young. My grandmother said her mother and grandmother looked young. I never expected to have a problem dating.

I've been set up with men as much as 30 years older than me on more than one occasion. One woman told me to contact a certain rabbi... because she knows he works with black and foreign men. I played it off like I didn't understand what she was getting at. I didn't date black and foreign men before my conversion and I'm not going to start now.

The set ups I've gotten have been horrible. The guys I've found on my own have been tolerable, but bad. By the time this shoots live (I'm pre-writing all of the posts and scheduling them), my post talking about the DJs date will be on the blog. That's about what my dates are like when I meet guys on my own. I get snarky little comments similar to what the DJ got. I think it's a Jewish problem. The DJ's guy was in finance and a lot of those guys can't find someone. I hear guys whining, "I don't know why I can't find anyone. I make good money." Well, women do want someone that can pay the bills when they go on maternity leave and possibly take time off to raise the kids, but it's such a turn off when a man insults you on a first date. Comments like, "I thought you'd be taller," "shouldn't you weigh 110 pounds for your height?", Explaining to a woman how to lose weight after you just complemented her body, screaming at her or the waitress, generally arrogant behavior and acting like you think you are better than her, not letting her talk, giving unsolicited advice, will piss women off.

Also, even trying to find a guy on my own, I've been disrespected as listed above. Meh, I don't need someone who's going to insult me and possibly hit me. I mean if a guy insults me on the first date, I can't much have hope that things will get BETTER. Truth be told, if a radio DJ can't meet a decent guy, why should someone like me expect to find one. The worst is the chasidim. They are really the only ones who are willing to date converts, but they just want to sleep with you and get rid of you. I put one of those in his place. He was in his 20s and kept talking dirty to me on the phone. I told him I didn't think we'd be compatible so he said that we were both in our sexual peak so it was perfect showing where his head (hahaha) was at... I simply explained to him that I actually hit my peak at about 25 and I don't have any sex drive anymore.... Um, yeah, he didn't call me again.

There's really no way around it. Matchmakers honest with me, told me the guys said they would be embarrassed and they generally want something a little more "status" than a convert. So, for those women who think they are converting to marry money, guess again. I wasn't looking for money, but I can tell you, I most assuredly dated better men and turn down better men all the time solely because they aren't Jewish. Even a conservative woman who didn't know I was a convert told me she had problems. She presumed that it's because Jewish mothers spoil their sons so much they have no incentive to cut the apron strings. I agree. I dated a divorced man, 44 living with his mom. He told me he expected a woman to basically do what his mom does: clean up after him and put a roof over his head so he can blow his earnings from work on garbage-plus sex, of course. Yeah... and this is one of the BETTER guys I've dated that I met on Frumster so not through a matchmaker.

Dip Some Apple in Honey and Watch This Video

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A Radio DJ Has Date Like So Many Dates I've Had

I was listening to radio a lot lately, as I mentioned on another post. A female DJ was telling about a bad date that she had had over the weekend on Monday the 19th.... As she describes it, it went like this. She happened to be wearing kitten heels instead of high heels. She walks up to him at the start of the date and she is greeted with, "I thought you'd be taller." Ummmm, WTF is a woman supposed to say to that? Unless she lied about her height, there isn't really anything to say. It wouldn't have crossed my mind that I am under an obligation to have gravity shoving my toes forward into a cramped position to go meet some stranger.Yes, I get that most women do, but I don't. She, the DJ, brought this up when telling the story. I likely would have just said, "wellll, this is the height I am" while thinking WTF? The man continued on to talk about himself non stop on the date. Finally, he stops and says that it's his only fault and that he thinks what he has to say is just that important.

My reaction upon hearing this whole story was, "hey this sounds like my better dates!" Seriously, men, if you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up. If you think a woman is too short, then don't ask her on a second date. It's really quite simple. Oh and come up for air. Asking how you're doing is pathetic, too, by the way. We won't tell you the truth anyhow unless we are looking to leave. Men should stop and think, would you be having a good time if your date walked up and said, "I thought you'd be taller." I know that men don't want a woman who won't let them talk. We just want to meet someone that we can feel comfortable around and  talk to who seems like he's not going to beat us or the kids someday and you know can pay at least half of the bills plus enough to cover for a maternity leave (because employers don't pay for that people think they do, all they do is hold your job). It's really quite sad that men can't be pleasant to be around around for an hour or two but they want to physically merge with women because they spent a whole $10 on her. I think I'd rather be picking up phones for $10 an hour than being a prostitute of sorts.

I Will Not Be Approving Nasty Comments

I just want to give the readers a heads up. I will not be approving nasty comments. I used to approve almost anything. I just put two up, defended myself then decided to delete all of this. I guess I didn't make myself clear, I was not asking for advice. That's kind of the point. I'm really F**kin sick of the unsolicited advice in the community. If I make a decision and I talk about a decision I've already made, then I don't want your advice. Oh and all the advice that you guys give, I've heard it a thousand times. I am not the sort to take advice after several people give me the same advice. I'm quite sure I said in the first post, I think outside the box and I'm proud of that fact. No, I don't give LIP SERVICE to thinking outside the box, I REALLY think outside the box. Or do you people SERIOUSLY think you are original or something... because wow you aren't.

The Prince Charming Illusion

Everyone remind me again what year it is. Is it 1613 or 2013?

I am REALLY fed up with women constantly telling me a man should come along and fix my every problem. If I make the slightest little comment to another woman about not being able to afford something, I always hear the same thing, "maybe you'll meet a man, get married and he will make enough for you to have these things." My response is usually, "I don't make enough to pay for the dates." Then they chime in that he will pay for the dates... My experience is that men want women who have the money to get dolled up so they can parade them around. Nobody is going to pay for a woman's make up and heels on a first date. Most of the guys who have gone out with me seem to expect sex after they spent $10 on dinner. The bill comes and they start muttering about how expensive it is and they can't afford it. We are talking about dates of $20 to $30 for the full bill.

I'm burned out and jaded. On the old blog everyone came in and told me to stop dating because I was so bitter. The problem is that even if I decide to stop, the community will not stop trying to convince me to date. Does anyone actually have a prospective date with whom I want to spend my time? It was over a year ago but the last set up called to make plans for the first date, offering to take me to an expensive concert at Carnegie Hall. Before hanging up, he told me that after it, he asked if he could come over and f*ck me. Yes, he used that word. I was stunned and angry (I should know better). I just said, "no you can't." To which he whined and protested, "well why not?" Some would say, well, he's spending all that money on you, he should get IT in return, right? Who the hell asked him to spend that money on me? I surely didn't. I had no interest in going to this show, whatsoever. I was going to be going because he said he really wanted to go to it.

The "Shadchan"  was self declared. She was a 20 something girl still living at home with her parents and studying in grad school. It really must be nice to have such a luxury of parents that let you live at home and be a child when you are chronologically an adult. She refused to deal with this. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that they try to sell singles on the idea of using a shadchan based on the fact that there would be an intermediary. Shouldn't an intermediary explain to this supposedly Orthodox man that when you are being arranged for marriage, you don't ask a woman over the phone before meeting her if you can f*ck her. If I wanted to be spoken to like that by men, I can very easily go into a bar in revealing clothing. Why should I tolerate this from someone I've never even met who is supposedly in the market for a woman who thinks outside the box. See, THAT was why I was told he and I were a good match. Oh and I hate to say this, but I DID get more respect when I was in my 20s and met men wearing clothing that Orthodox would not consider tznius.

Anyway, the point is that if I feel my life is better without the options I have for male companionship, I should be able to make that decision. Instead, the community keeps trying to bait and switch trick me. I don't really need to keep hearing about this hypothetical prince charming coming out of the woodwork. I'm quite realistic that a woman like me isn't going to get a RESPECTFUL age appropriate Jewish man who is also making middle class wages or better. Those men go to FFBs who come from middle class or wealthy homes and married parents. They don't go to converts who grew up below the poverty line with divorced parents and extended family members that serve as poster children for white trash. I can dream of winning the lottery more realistically than I can dream of finding a decent man for myself. Of course, if I won the lottery, I can bet prince charming would suddenly appear out of nowhere.