So, in my Yahoo group for women converts/conversion candidates we're discussing how people who are Jewish from birth ask things so freely that we would never in a million years think of asking. Another thing we were discussing is how people ask (especially Jews of color but, even caucasians like myself), "how are you Jewish? You don't look Jewish." Well, along comes one of the readers of this blog on to my Facebook page-dafka I moved from this discusion to check my Facebook and there it was-the comment.
You see, I went horsey riding with 7 other girls from the Hillel at my college and I put up pictures. Right there, under the group picture was a comment asking if we were actually Jewish. Why? It just so happens that many on the trip were Jews of color or Sephardic. Now, culturally, the way I was raised, I would never do such a thing. The person should have at the least messaged me and asked me. It's funny though, by the time I saw the comment, there was already a comment from one of the girls, but one of the "cliche Jewish look" girls from the trip. I suppose having friends in this situation, they learn their friends' plight. It's good to see.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Guest Poster: Shidduchim, dating, marriage
Shidduchim, dating, marriage: My philosophy and thoughts Part 1Share
Yesterday at 10:49pm
by Ari Stern
I don’t believe anyone who I consider a friend needs to share my beliefs or even my values. The only things I can think of that would disqualify one from being my friend are age and music-taste. Just kidding. They are disloyalty, dishonesty or just general untrustworthiness. Oh and they have to value our friendship. I think that’s it.
Anyhoo, I have this real yeshivish friend who basically spends most of our conversations explaining to me how messed up my philosophy of Judaism is. So lately I was telling him that I think Frumster is the best dating-method for me, and he looked like he was going to faint.
“For hundreds if not thousands of years, all our ancestors got married through shidduchim, but then along comes Ari Stern and decides he knows better than Jewish tradition.”
So I tell him why logically it just makes more sense and it’s more pragmatic, but he doesn’t let go.
“We have a mesorah to do it the way our community does it and you have no right to go against our holy mesorah.”
So I told him “For thousands of years our holy mesorah dictated that we have no refrigerators, and along comes our new age and decides it’s okay to have refrigerators.”
He stops to think for a second, and then he says “so you’re saying if computers and internet existed in prior times, our ancestors would use that method?” I say yes. You can see he looks puzzled. He’ll ask his rosh-yeshiva about that. I cannot wait to hear what he’ll say. ;-)
Then I was having this discussion with someone else, and she was saying she wouldn’t hold her husbands hand after she got married (in public). I ask why and she says it’s not totally tznius. I ask why and she says because it gives away too much information to the public; she’s basically announcing she is not a niddah and that is just too much to share.
I always wondered how a lot of Chassidim said it’s not okay to hold hands in public, and yet they hold hands right after the chuppah. They even DANCE in public on their wedding night (mitzvah-tantz). If it’s okay to do it on your wedding night, why not every other day? But now I think I see how it’s not a contradiction or a hypocrisy, everyone knows she’s not a niddah on her wedding night anyway. Cool.
The problem is, according to the above, why doesn’t the couple kiss under the chuppah? Is your love and exclusivity private or not so much? Furthermore, does this mean that anyone who holds of the halachic opinion that touching in public is announcing that she’s not in a state of niddah and is therefore not recommended- do they concede that if the couple is, say, in Taiwan on vacation (or any other place where the people don’t know about niddah and therefor won’t come to any conclusions based on them touching), that it’s okay to be publicly affectionate?
Yesterday at 10:49pm
by Ari Stern
I don’t believe anyone who I consider a friend needs to share my beliefs or even my values. The only things I can think of that would disqualify one from being my friend are age and music-taste. Just kidding. They are disloyalty, dishonesty or just general untrustworthiness. Oh and they have to value our friendship. I think that’s it.
Anyhoo, I have this real yeshivish friend who basically spends most of our conversations explaining to me how messed up my philosophy of Judaism is. So lately I was telling him that I think Frumster is the best dating-method for me, and he looked like he was going to faint.
“For hundreds if not thousands of years, all our ancestors got married through shidduchim, but then along comes Ari Stern and decides he knows better than Jewish tradition.”
So I tell him why logically it just makes more sense and it’s more pragmatic, but he doesn’t let go.
“We have a mesorah to do it the way our community does it and you have no right to go against our holy mesorah.”
So I told him “For thousands of years our holy mesorah dictated that we have no refrigerators, and along comes our new age and decides it’s okay to have refrigerators.”
He stops to think for a second, and then he says “so you’re saying if computers and internet existed in prior times, our ancestors would use that method?” I say yes. You can see he looks puzzled. He’ll ask his rosh-yeshiva about that. I cannot wait to hear what he’ll say. ;-)
Then I was having this discussion with someone else, and she was saying she wouldn’t hold her husbands hand after she got married (in public). I ask why and she says it’s not totally tznius. I ask why and she says because it gives away too much information to the public; she’s basically announcing she is not a niddah and that is just too much to share.
I always wondered how a lot of Chassidim said it’s not okay to hold hands in public, and yet they hold hands right after the chuppah. They even DANCE in public on their wedding night (mitzvah-tantz). If it’s okay to do it on your wedding night, why not every other day? But now I think I see how it’s not a contradiction or a hypocrisy, everyone knows she’s not a niddah on her wedding night anyway. Cool.
The problem is, according to the above, why doesn’t the couple kiss under the chuppah? Is your love and exclusivity private or not so much? Furthermore, does this mean that anyone who holds of the halachic opinion that touching in public is announcing that she’s not in a state of niddah and is therefore not recommended- do they concede that if the couple is, say, in Taiwan on vacation (or any other place where the people don’t know about niddah and therefor won’t come to any conclusions based on them touching), that it’s okay to be publicly affectionate?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Yontiff table buzz
The yontiff tables were abuzz with people asking, "what did Obama do to win the Nobel Peace Prize?" Unfortunately, it seemed as thogh the women asked the men this and the men shut down the conversations. Don't they know, I was anxiously awaiting heated discussions so that I would have more to blog?
So, I turn to you, my viewing public for comment and discussion... well, everyone but poop. Poop can keep comments to thineself.
So, I turn to you, my viewing public for comment and discussion... well, everyone but poop. Poop can keep comments to thineself.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Another chunk of my conversion story....
So, I started with:
http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-story-up-until-i-started-studying.html
And then I eventually continued and left off with:
http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-process-story-year-one-and-four.html
So, now we're up to the last leg of my conversion that I never wrote about. When I left off, I had just started going to shul before work and I was looking for a new conversion rabbi so that I could change shuls from the shul were the women tried to force me to date men I wasn't interested in and they wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
So, I found a new program in Manhattan and started attending their classes. Then I changed shuls in my own neighborhood. I really liked the services at that second shul a lot. The rabbi from the shul by where I was working started having me for Shabbos sometimes.
Eventually, when I still wasn't converted, one of the women from that area who knew a rabbi who does conversions, arranged for me to work with him, instead of the program in Manhattan. I was getting the run around from them so, I changed again.
The timeframe in the above writings is from January of 2008 to just after Pesach. You with me? Great! I got laid off from my job RIGHT after Pesach. So, then I had a long summer of waiting and agonizing. There were people in my neighborhood telling me I shouldn't be converted. One woman said that only the best should be converted and who did I think I was, thinking I deserved to be converted. I was told I don't make enough money to be converted. The list of nasty comments goes on. Luckily, I had my supportive friends from that neighborhood where I used to work.
I converted just before Rosh HaShanah of 5769.
http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-story-up-until-i-started-studying.html
And then I eventually continued and left off with:
http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-process-story-year-one-and-four.html
So, now we're up to the last leg of my conversion that I never wrote about. When I left off, I had just started going to shul before work and I was looking for a new conversion rabbi so that I could change shuls from the shul were the women tried to force me to date men I wasn't interested in and they wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
So, I found a new program in Manhattan and started attending their classes. Then I changed shuls in my own neighborhood. I really liked the services at that second shul a lot. The rabbi from the shul by where I was working started having me for Shabbos sometimes.
Eventually, when I still wasn't converted, one of the women from that area who knew a rabbi who does conversions, arranged for me to work with him, instead of the program in Manhattan. I was getting the run around from them so, I changed again.
The timeframe in the above writings is from January of 2008 to just after Pesach. You with me? Great! I got laid off from my job RIGHT after Pesach. So, then I had a long summer of waiting and agonizing. There were people in my neighborhood telling me I shouldn't be converted. One woman said that only the best should be converted and who did I think I was, thinking I deserved to be converted. I was told I don't make enough money to be converted. The list of nasty comments goes on. Luckily, I had my supportive friends from that neighborhood where I used to work.
I converted just before Rosh HaShanah of 5769.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Community spotlights: Kew Gardens Hills
I put on the blog a while back that I was going to start spotlighting communities. Well, I'm going to start with what I know best: Queens.
The Jewish "Capitol" of Queens is Kew Gardens Hills or KGH for short. KGH is where I would tell most anyone to look at, if they were looking at communities in the greater New York City area. The people are friendly. Shopping and shuls are convienient in this tight knit area.
People are incredibly friendly in this area. You will never have problems getting a
Shabbos or Yontiff meal. In fact, there is a hospitality commitee for singles and I believe some of the shuls have one, too. You won't need it for long, though. As soon as you start meeting people, they will introduce you to others. Also, people who see me a couple times invite me over. For Sukkos, I had plans to go somewhere else but the person who invited me wasn't giving me the details I needed. At around noon on Friday, I picked up my phone and made two calls. They offered what they could and then made some calls for me. Within two hours, I had an overnight and all my meals in a Sukkah scheduled in KGH. Do you really think that would happen with any other area?
Main street, the community's shopping district is large enough to have two clothing stores (one expensive-Eishes Chayil, one more affordable-ELZEE.) There are three main supermarkets: Supersol, Brach's and Wasserman's. Supersol is the most expensive but, they have the most vareity and a parking lot. They also have normal hours. Brach's is the cheapest for most things but they close early (7pm?). Wasserman's is open at all crazy hours-ok, till about 11 or 12. They have delivery and phone orders with a credit card on Thursday and Friday, maybe Wednesday, too. I don't use this service. I was told about it.
On Main Street is not just these stores but, many restaurants and take out places, as well as other Shomer Shabbos businesses. I would also like to mention that off-
Main street on Jewell, is a kosher Subway. This one has tofu based, parve cheese. The ones in Brooklyn do not. On Shabbos or Yontiff, the metal gates are down across Main Street and Jews cover the sidewalks. Occasionally, a non-Jew drives by. The area boast something like 35 to 40 shuls and Schteibles. Most homes have a driveway and/or a garage behind their homes. There are block-lengthed "driveways" that run between the streets so that these homes garages can be accessed. There is also on-street parking. Incidentally, the restaurants in this area put up sukkos for the holiday. That photo is the sukkah from Shimon's Pizza.
Renters generally rent in 2, 3 and 4 family homes. This means that sometimes people have access to a front or backyard as a renter. Although, this may only be restricted to an area where you can put out a kiddie pool or a Sukkah, it comes in handy. Speaking of Sukkos, the streets and the driveways behind are lined with sukkos for the holidays right now. There is a community-wide eruv so, there is no need to attach the sukkah to the house or to build an eruv around the property.
Incidentally, the Hamodia Magazine recently spotlighted KGH, as well. They spoke of the yeshivahs. The area is most Yeshivish/Litvish types. There are many kollel couples in the area. The men who go to college might go to Lander or Queens College. The women usually go to Queens College or commute to a college in the city.
There aren't many downfalls in this community. However, some might prefer Brooklyn if they have children with special needs. Such kids often go to schools in Brooklyn, even though there is a program in the area. It is often not right for these kids. Most of the women I know from KGH work in Brooklyn as therapists and teachers at those yeshivos.
Incidentally, I don't live in Kew Gardens Hills, but I work there and I often go there for Shabbos, as it's substantially easier to get an overnight and meals there than it is to get a meal in my "Jewish" neighborhood 3 miles away.
The Jewish "Capitol" of Queens is Kew Gardens Hills or KGH for short. KGH is where I would tell most anyone to look at, if they were looking at communities in the greater New York City area. The people are friendly. Shopping and shuls are convienient in this tight knit area.
People are incredibly friendly in this area. You will never have problems getting a
Shabbos or Yontiff meal. In fact, there is a hospitality commitee for singles and I believe some of the shuls have one, too. You won't need it for long, though. As soon as you start meeting people, they will introduce you to others. Also, people who see me a couple times invite me over. For Sukkos, I had plans to go somewhere else but the person who invited me wasn't giving me the details I needed. At around noon on Friday, I picked up my phone and made two calls. They offered what they could and then made some calls for me. Within two hours, I had an overnight and all my meals in a Sukkah scheduled in KGH. Do you really think that would happen with any other area?Main street, the community's shopping district is large enough to have two clothing stores (one expensive-Eishes Chayil, one more affordable-ELZEE.) There are three main supermarkets: Supersol, Brach's and Wasserman's. Supersol is the most expensive but, they have the most vareity and a parking lot. They also have normal hours. Brach's is the cheapest for most things but they close early (7pm?). Wasserman's is open at all crazy hours-ok, till about 11 or 12. They have delivery and phone orders with a credit card on Thursday and Friday, maybe Wednesday, too. I don't use this service. I was told about it.
On Main Street is not just these stores but, many restaurants and take out places, as well as other Shomer Shabbos businesses. I would also like to mention that off-
Main street on Jewell, is a kosher Subway. This one has tofu based, parve cheese. The ones in Brooklyn do not. On Shabbos or Yontiff, the metal gates are down across Main Street and Jews cover the sidewalks. Occasionally, a non-Jew drives by. The area boast something like 35 to 40 shuls and Schteibles. Most homes have a driveway and/or a garage behind their homes. There are block-lengthed "driveways" that run between the streets so that these homes garages can be accessed. There is also on-street parking. Incidentally, the restaurants in this area put up sukkos for the holiday. That photo is the sukkah from Shimon's Pizza.Renters generally rent in 2, 3 and 4 family homes. This means that sometimes people have access to a front or backyard as a renter. Although, this may only be restricted to an area where you can put out a kiddie pool or a Sukkah, it comes in handy. Speaking of Sukkos, the streets and the driveways behind are lined with sukkos for the holidays right now. There is a community-wide eruv so, there is no need to attach the sukkah to the house or to build an eruv around the property.
Incidentally, the Hamodia Magazine recently spotlighted KGH, as well. They spoke of the yeshivahs. The area is most Yeshivish/Litvish types. There are many kollel couples in the area. The men who go to college might go to Lander or Queens College. The women usually go to Queens College or commute to a college in the city.
There aren't many downfalls in this community. However, some might prefer Brooklyn if they have children with special needs. Such kids often go to schools in Brooklyn, even though there is a program in the area. It is often not right for these kids. Most of the women I know from KGH work in Brooklyn as therapists and teachers at those yeshivos.
Incidentally, I don't live in Kew Gardens Hills, but I work there and I often go there for Shabbos, as it's substantially easier to get an overnight and meals there than it is to get a meal in my "Jewish" neighborhood 3 miles away.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
First round of Sukkos pictures: Kew Gardens Hills, Queens
These pictures were taken before yontiff. Hopefully, I will have more pictures for you guys next week.
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