Sometimes temps are criminals, don't employers know this?

I ran across a link to this article from a blog that I'm "following." (I don't always read my reading list and I only read what looking interesting from the title and snipet.

I'm nauseous at the way jobs have disappeared and they are being replaced by temp assignments. Then the companies don't understand why they don't get good output or ya know, they end up with ex-con murderer perverts supervising teen girls.

This takes me back to when I was working at a large national temp agency. I started on a Tuesday after labor day one year. On Friday, we had a little incident. Actually it was more of a big incident. I was living in Buffalo working with this Brooklyn Jewish girl, Skye, the daughter of Jewish hippies (thus such a name). This couple came in on Thursday looking for work. They said they just moved into the area.

The main office (we were just a satelite recruiting office) sent the guy to work the next day. So, on Friday I'm making calls to check employment of  applicants from that day and the day before. Well, I get to ABC temps in Pennsylvania and I'm speaking to a woman from there. The woman says to me, "are they right there in the office right now?" "no, they came in yesterday..." "Well, they're wanted. They escaped from a halfway house here in Pennsylvania." I was speechless and Skye was in the bathroom.

When my co-worker, sort of boss got out of the latrine, I told her what happened. She picked up the phone and called the main office to rely the story to them. Before we knew it, the FBI was in our office, "where are they?" Skye gave them to location where they were sent to work. The main office called the guy at work and told him his wife had an emergency and needed him at home. We heard later from the FBI guys that he stopped at a payphone to try to reach her by calling the hotel (known to be a crack hotel in the seedy part of Buffalo) where they were staying. They caught him. I don't remember what happened with her. I remember he was their main concern. Deported.... back to Pennsylvania...

Bribing kids for success in high school...

I just saw that over on the Daas Torah blog, he has started a topic on bribing kids. His post is related to a friend he had in the early 80's who was bribed not to watch TV for a month. The kid got his $200 for keeping the bargain. He used it to go out and by a big fat TV... hehehe-love the irony, no? So, I was inspired to blog about a discussion had amongst my family....

It's funny, I was just discussing with someone over yontiff, the idea of bribing kids to get good grades. At my stepmother's wake (sorry, but, I AM a gyoress)... my aunt said she was going to bribe her niece, my estranged cousin, to get good grades. I mentioned that I had recently read an article in Psychology Today, which happens to be one of my favorite magazines, about how studies show that success in high school doesn't have the impact we think it does. Really success is better predicted by the support systems in place during the young adult years. Well, a screaming match ensued... but it's quite an interesting topic, what do you think?

A mind has been upgraded!

One of the blog commenters who has said some nasty things in the past about gerim has sent me an Email apologizing. I just think this is really great. It shows a little bit of progress being made.

As I've said before, one should look at the individual and not their "background." There are good gerim and bad gerim. There are good BTs and bad BTs. There are good FFBs and there are bad FFBs. One cannot judge someone based on these criterion alone. I would like to ask FFBs who agree with me to speak out on behalf of gerim. Perhaps, you could bring it up at a Shabbos table. Please teach your children that it's important not to judge someone negatively if they were not raised FFB.

We cannot help the family we were given by HKBH for whatever reason. However, we do have control over our observance destiny as we get older and become teens and young adults and even older than this. Actually, so to, the FFB begins to have a real choice as to whether they will stay on the derech or fall off. Let me make it easy for you, you're not missing anything, you really aren't. Ladies, drunk men trying to sleep with you? Nope, you are not missing anything.

Those Who Say Don't Marry a Ger/Gyoress

Well, over on the Daas Torah blog, he has posted the topic, "Should One's Child Marry a Ger?" and discussion has ensued. Arguments are being flung back and forth. The guest poster who wrote this has some concerns that I would agree are legitimate. However, some of the statements are outrageous. The comments get even more interesting.

First of all, she is worried that this person would fall off the derech. I think this is more likely with a BT because a convert has to fight so hard for their conversion. Second, she is worried that there will be questions about the Jewish status of the children, that they will be revoked. Ok, there may be problems with Eretz Yisrael, however, I think this is the minority of cases. Furthermore, I've heard of BTs getting hassled, too. Certain cities in EY are supposed to be more problematic in this regard. Third, Daas Torah adds that now one has to worry about upsetting their spouse with regards to the commandment to love a ger. Oh, come on! This is not what the Torah meant by love the ger. Normal lively discussions in the bais are to be expected. Intentionally not considering an otherwise compatible shidduch BECAUSE they are a ger/gyoress, however is not loving us.

The first comment on the post is by an Eddie who stuns the blogreaders with, "I do no wish to insult any Gerim, but a shiksa may come out of the mikveh Jewish, but her deep genetic character is still goyish..."  The blog owner chimes in with, "Are you saying that if one has a choice of marrying two women that one should give preference to the ger? The Torah says to love them - it doesn't say affirmative action is required."

Hmmm, that's funny, Eddie, because the way Hashems states in is "when a ger comes to convert" which is interpreted that the ger was meant to convert. As for Daas, now come on! Who really has such a choice to make with such perfect ceterus paribus? So don't go to a shadchan and ask for a ger but, agree to consider one. If a shadchan tells about someone and you suspect they are sending a convert to you because you agreed to consider one and not becauase it's a good match, you ask, "why is the person being suggested to me? I'm not hearing any common threads between us." I had a situation where the same shadchan kept suggesting over and over this same convert who was younger and wants a thin girl. I asked for older, up to ten years. Also, I'm not thin. I'm not fat, but I'm not thin, either.

I think, though, people have to start thinking about what's really important. This is not Subway. You can't stand there and tell them, "one of those, one of those, one of those, no-not that. one of those..." You think about what's important and you go from there. Incidentally, "stack or scrape?" is not important.

Apology from blog reader to me

Shalom Michal,


I received an email today from a reader of Daas Torah. He took me to task for 'savagely' tearing into you in the comments on the blog.

I know I have strongly disagreed with you. I even know that I have chastised you for some over-the-top statements and tone. I continue to disapprove of much of how you present your case; and disagree with some of the perception of the issues. For all that, I in no way meant or mean to demean you; and certainly I do not mean to 'savagely' tear into you. The sin is grave enough when done to any human being; and gravely compounded, as you know, when done to a convert.

Please accept my apology if I have embarrassed you or mistreated you privately or publicly. What's more, since the sin was done in public, I would appreciate it greatly if you would help me and post this on your blog. I will ask to do the same on Daas Torah, or at least in the comments there.

Sincerely,

mordechai scher

Where, oh where did the comment go?

There has been some discusion in the comments here on this blog about how the comments over at the Daas Torah blog, seem to disappear.  Someone posted a comment today about "this is an example of a disappearing comment...."

In my comment moderation form on my phone, all that came across was,

"this is an example of a disappearing comment...."
(lost comment)

So, thought the person was being funny. In reality, on my computer, the comment was longer. It was the comment in the post, "Daas Torah commenter demonstrates why I stay home for Shabbos" where someone talks about the Boro Park types getting only a religious marriage. The woman plays poor single mother to the system to get them benefits. Apparently, Daas didn't want to put this comment through.

Some tidbits from comments

Some tidbits that I've been putting up in the Daas Torah blog... food for thought:

Daas Torah and others,


HKBH is Perfect. He wrote the Torah and It is Perfect. Do you deny this? I hope not.



Moving on.... In said TORAH, one is commanded to love the ger isn't 36 times repeated? Do you deny that? If you do, you deny the above paragraph.



There is part of the Torah-the commandment to love the ger-which is being ignored by the vast majority of the people. Jersey Girl and yourself are helping me prove that.



I am just helping to clarify Hashem's Law for Him. This is no different from yourself. Furthermore, we are often in agreement on many issues. Again, in your mind, I am not allowed to have the exact same opinion as you against the establishment. Such an opionion is against the commandment to love the ger.

Blog commenter makes it just too easy....

So, some of you have been following the posts with which I have been featured on the Daas Torah Blog. So, the comments in the latest segment are pretty hot. There are over a hundred comments right now.

This is the blog where this woman who calls herself "Jersey Girl" has told me that, ""My kids are growing up "out of town" as I also did so they have to know the laws of Bishul Akum. It is inevitable that they will be out somewhere and get hungry. here is a lot that, according to our Rabbis, one can eat from a non kosher deli/restaurant and my kids know what they can and cannot have. "

It turns out, she seems to think that anything that the laws of bishul akum permit cooking by a gentile can be eaten in a non-kosher restaurnt. I have instructed her to go and learn the laws of "notain ta'am." It's the middle of night in Israel and so, she has likely posted a response but the blog owner is likely sleeping and so, in the morning, he will go through any comments awaiting moderation and we shall see what she has to say about that. Actually, it's the middle of the night here and so, I must go visit the schluffy monster.

Daas Torah commenter demonstrating exactly why I stay home on Shabbos

So, I wrote this guest post for the Daas Torah blog (it was also posted here) discussing some of the examples of how I've been mistreated as a gyoress. One commenter in particular, did in the comments of the forum, what is done to me at a Shabbos table in front of several guests.

She started out trying to appear nice, "A few things that might help: 1. Instead of accepting Shabbat invites, perhaps you might consider making Shabbat and inviting others." Ok, but, who says I haven't done that?

Then she continued with, "The general perception, traditionally was that Shabbat invites were for travelers and others who are not capable of making Shabbat for themselves. When you accept Shabbat invites, you seem to give the impression that you are not accomplished enough in your own observance to make Shabbat preparations for yourself."

THERE IT IS!!! The crux of why I'm staying home is because I've realized that while I like to get out and meet new people.. well, I USED TO.. I see that people take this as an indication that they are doing me some big favor because I'm some kind of a nebach who can't cook for myself or doesn't know what I can and can't do with a blech and some food.

This woman went on to criticize that I didn't appreciate being grilled on a date to see if I really knew Jewish laws. She mentioned that her daughter was asked to take a psychological exam and apparently failed it. Oh, but, I thought her children were wonderful?

Regarding this issue, I think the point that I really should have stated in this last piece is that I'm offended that someone grills me when they were given three references to call. I know that he spoke with one of my rebbetzins. Additionally, I asked the boy POINT BLANK, if he would ask these questions of an FFB or if he was only doing it because I was a gyoress. At which point, he ADMITTED that he was indeed grilling me because I'm a gyoress. Essentially, he was expecting to find out I wasn't good enough. When he was not told this, he came to the date with a mindset to uncover it. Someone should not accept a date with someone if they are this set against it.

Anyhow, this woman just commented over and over again about how I don't know how to make Shabbos and that I'm not a real Jewish woman because "Jews MAKE Shabbat." Now, I don't understand. If I'm staying home, by myself, doesn't that mean I'm making Shabbos for myself? Or did she take the liberty of deciding that I'm breaking Shabbos? If it is the former that proves her comments were unnecessary. If it is the latter, then she is violating the commandment to judge favorably. Either way, she is wrong.

She went on to talk about her children and all the things that she says they know and do. She went on and on about how they just do so much chesed. I'm not really sure what her exact point was. However, it seems like this was supposed to add to her proof that I wasn't good enough to be Jewish.

When it came down to end of the comments, she said, "My kids are growing up "out of town" as I also did so they have to know the laws of Bishul Akum. It is inevitable that they will be out somewhere and get hungry. here is a lot that, according to our Rabbis, one can eat from a non kosher deli/restaurant and my kids know what they can and cannot have. "

At the point which I read this, I should be thanking Jersey Girl for the good hearty belly laugh she gave me. This is just how they are. This whole string of comments, she's commenting over and over again that I am not living up to the standards of FFBs. Yet, we see right here that she is not living up to the standards that a great beis din, like the one I went through, requires.

I wouldn't even ask my rabbi such a question but, I'm quite sure that if I posed this situation to him, that I need or wish to eat while I'm out in an area where there is no kosher restaurant, he would advise me to do what I already do: buy raw fruits/veggies or pre-packaged items with a hecsher from a grocery or drug store and eat them. There are too many issues that come with unsupervised open kosher food in a kitchen full of traif, I'm led to wonder what sort of "rabbis" this woman is consulting that they should suggest such a thing. Even the liberal Manhattan Modern Orthodox rabbis advise that you may only eat a small selection of COLD foods in a traif place.

Experiment in terminology distortion

I just conducted a little experiment in terminology distortion. That post I wrote about my negative Shabbos experiences was also guest-posted on Daas Torah blog. One commenter in particular, seems to be looking for excuses to say I'm not a real Jewess.

One of the items she honed in on was my not recognizing the term "bishul akum" when it was distorted. So, I asked on my Facebook status, "what is bishah lackum?" A guy recognized it RIGHT away. An FFB girl recognized it but, only knew it had to do with cooking. The other FFB girl didn't recognize it until she called me on the phone and I pronounced it. Then she knew what it was exactly. Finally, the messianic girl who was in the Army with a girl I trained with in the Army (we FB met over the status comments of the mutual friend) said that her rabbi didn't know what it was. However, Bishah, is apparently a city in the Middle East. Who knew?

Oh, let me count the ways! The ways we are treated badly

A discussion developed in the comments of the Daas Torah blog about how members of the Orthodox community treat gerim poorly. Another gyoress and I were invited to write a guest post about this treatment. The other girl declined. I would first like to qualify the scope of this writing as only dealing with the negative experiences that I and some of my friends and acquaintances have encountered. I have had positive experiences, as well. Unfortunately, though, I've had far more negative experiences than positive ones.

One of the community’s favorite places to go after a gyoress is the Shabbos table. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been at a meal and someone has just ransacked me with questions and comments that were wholly out of line. The converts and conversion candidates themselves are just as guilty as the others. I had a convert tell me at a meal that the host had told her I was a convert and she was too. She would like to hear my story. I told her I would be happy to remember her Email address and send it to her later. She declined. What was the purpose of announcing to the other guests at the meal that I was a gyoress in such a manner? In the incident with a conversion candidate, she asked me, “what’s your background?” I said, “what’s yours?” She said she was Catholic her whole life. I didn’t feel like arguing and dealing with such a thing.

One of my favorite insulting actions that members of the community do, is they start trying to talking me out of converting-except AFTER I’ve converted. So, I tell them this. They continue with comments about how I don’t need to keep the mitzvos because I’m not Jewish. I tell them very strongly, “I have already converted. You are telling a Jew to go off the derech.” They keep on with it.

Another jem is how they treat me when it comes to shidduchim. At the beginning of last semester, I was at the shul of a rabbi who I had used for a shidduch reference. He totally caught me off guard and embarrassed me profusely. He nonchalantly asks me, “You’re dating a rabbi, right?” “no…” with a really perplexed look on my face. He continues, “Well, they called me for a shidduch reference and I gave them a good one.” “I went out with one once.” “Why didn’t you go out a second time?” “Yeah, well, these guys don’t want to marry a gyoress. They think it’s a big joke to go out with one and try to prove I didn’t deserve to be converted by grilling me on Talmud and seeing if they can find something I don’t know.” The rabbi says to me, “Well, if you don’t get married, you won’t stay observant.” I’m thinking, but not saying, “Thanks for tell ME what I’M going to do.” He continued, with statements like: you have to get married, you didn’t like anything about the FIVE guys you went out with? (You’d think I had said 500) This continued on as I tried to defend myself. I was told, “women know what to do to get a man to marry her.” If I didn’t know, I should, “Read a book and learn!” I said, “I don’t have time.” Maybe that was too nice. Maybe, “I refuse to study manipulation tactics out of a book,” would have been a better statement.

Since shadchanim aren’t so nice to anyone, you can imagine what they do to me. I was offered a guy who doesn’t keep Shabbos. He has a “job problem,” you see. Another shadchanit started telling me about a 44-year old Yeshivish man, but something gave me a clue to inquire if he was for me. She said, “oh, no! I thought you could find someone for him for me.” Then she told me he was shorter than me. I’m 5-4. It seemed odd to me that she didn’t tell me this when she was telling me about him, if I was really supposed to set him up. Also, I was offered a blind guy at one point. The woman who Emailed this to me said it was someone else’s idea and wouldn’t tell me who.

Moving from set ups, to dates themselves and the feedback. I went out with a guy who asked me on a date various questions. One of them was, “do you know what bishul akum is?” Unless a girl went to seminary, do you think she would know it by name? Of course if I knew the principle as the “gentile can’t light the flame thingy,” does it matter if I don’t know the term “bishul akum”? It turned out I am friends with his cousin who informed me that I’m not on his level. If he wanted a seminary girl, he shouldn’t have accepted a date with me. He admitted it was just nosy curiosity about a gyoress.

Some miscellaneous insults from the community include strangers just asking point blank, “are you a gyoress?” One girl started asking me, “Do you have a blue skirt? Do you own a brown skirt? Do you own any gray skirts?” I think she was trying to see if I had enough skirts for a frum wardrobe. Not at a Shabbos table but at someone’s house on Shabbos, their guest grilled me as to why I wasn’t at a parent or other relative’s house-surely there must be someone…

After so many incidents like this, I stay home by myself on Shabbos. I don’t want to be around anyone anymore. I’ve come to hate people enough. I just don’t have the energy to constantly defend myself on a day when I, as a Jewish woman, am entitled to rest. I think, though, they feel it doesn’t apply to me. In the minds of some, I will never be Jewish.

Michaltastik Updates

Well, you may have noticed that I moved to my own domain for the coming year: www.michaltastik.com

Also, I have been featured on the Daas Torah blog. I'm working on a polished piece for that blog, as well. I hope you everyone tells their friends about this hot and controversial blog you are reading right now.

Also, I am more than willing to accept guest posts. I would feature the ideas that might interest my readers. You have an interesting thought you want to publicize? Are you angry about something the government has done? Write it up and send it on over. My Email address is on my profile.