Daas Torah commenter demonstrating exactly why I stay home on Shabbos

So, I wrote this guest post for the Daas Torah blog (it was also posted here) discussing some of the examples of how I've been mistreated as a gyoress. One commenter in particular, did in the comments of the forum, what is done to me at a Shabbos table in front of several guests.

She started out trying to appear nice, "A few things that might help: 1. Instead of accepting Shabbat invites, perhaps you might consider making Shabbat and inviting others." Ok, but, who says I haven't done that?

Then she continued with, "The general perception, traditionally was that Shabbat invites were for travelers and others who are not capable of making Shabbat for themselves. When you accept Shabbat invites, you seem to give the impression that you are not accomplished enough in your own observance to make Shabbat preparations for yourself."

THERE IT IS!!! The crux of why I'm staying home is because I've realized that while I like to get out and meet new people.. well, I USED TO.. I see that people take this as an indication that they are doing me some big favor because I'm some kind of a nebach who can't cook for myself or doesn't know what I can and can't do with a blech and some food.

This woman went on to criticize that I didn't appreciate being grilled on a date to see if I really knew Jewish laws. She mentioned that her daughter was asked to take a psychological exam and apparently failed it. Oh, but, I thought her children were wonderful?

Regarding this issue, I think the point that I really should have stated in this last piece is that I'm offended that someone grills me when they were given three references to call. I know that he spoke with one of my rebbetzins. Additionally, I asked the boy POINT BLANK, if he would ask these questions of an FFB or if he was only doing it because I was a gyoress. At which point, he ADMITTED that he was indeed grilling me because I'm a gyoress. Essentially, he was expecting to find out I wasn't good enough. When he was not told this, he came to the date with a mindset to uncover it. Someone should not accept a date with someone if they are this set against it.

Anyhow, this woman just commented over and over again about how I don't know how to make Shabbos and that I'm not a real Jewish woman because "Jews MAKE Shabbat." Now, I don't understand. If I'm staying home, by myself, doesn't that mean I'm making Shabbos for myself? Or did she take the liberty of deciding that I'm breaking Shabbos? If it is the former that proves her comments were unnecessary. If it is the latter, then she is violating the commandment to judge favorably. Either way, she is wrong.

She went on to talk about her children and all the things that she says they know and do. She went on and on about how they just do so much chesed. I'm not really sure what her exact point was. However, it seems like this was supposed to add to her proof that I wasn't good enough to be Jewish.

When it came down to end of the comments, she said, "My kids are growing up "out of town" as I also did so they have to know the laws of Bishul Akum. It is inevitable that they will be out somewhere and get hungry. here is a lot that, according to our Rabbis, one can eat from a non kosher deli/restaurant and my kids know what they can and cannot have. "

At the point which I read this, I should be thanking Jersey Girl for the good hearty belly laugh she gave me. This is just how they are. This whole string of comments, she's commenting over and over again that I am not living up to the standards of FFBs. Yet, we see right here that she is not living up to the standards that a great beis din, like the one I went through, requires.

I wouldn't even ask my rabbi such a question but, I'm quite sure that if I posed this situation to him, that I need or wish to eat while I'm out in an area where there is no kosher restaurant, he would advise me to do what I already do: buy raw fruits/veggies or pre-packaged items with a hecsher from a grocery or drug store and eat them. There are too many issues that come with unsupervised open kosher food in a kitchen full of traif, I'm led to wonder what sort of "rabbis" this woman is consulting that they should suggest such a thing. Even the liberal Manhattan Modern Orthodox rabbis advise that you may only eat a small selection of COLD foods in a traif place.

Technology, Attention spans and Shabbos....

So, over Shabbos, I started reading my reading selection for the CUNY CPE exam. This is an exam that everyone takes to show that we can read and write and we've learned some critical thinking skills in college... or perhaps we even came in with those skills. Nevertheless, we take this exam to prove that we have these skills and thus are worthy of a college degree.

Anyhow, the reading selection, which I started reading over Shabbos until about half way through it when I decided to take a nap, was about the lack of attention span that has resulted from the internet and I will even expand this to include technology as a whole. I mean, most people are constantly with the texting. I really don't text, although, I've been accused of texting, as I Email and Facebook from my phone. When I was accused of texting, I was usually on Facebook commenting on someone's status.

Am I sidetracked again? Well, that's the point. It's as if the entire society has ADHD nowadays. I actually have ADHD, so I'm not sure if I know the difference. However, I think back to when I was working as a receptionist during my conversion process. On Fridays, when it was quiet, I would be sitting at the front desk reading Jewish books for a hour or two straight, totally engrossed in those books. The phone would actually ring or someone would come to the window and I would jump, like out of my skin. It reminds me of when I was in college the first time. One of my roommates (I lived in a triple that semester) was in the room for a while and finally said something to me. I was sitting in the corner studying so hard, absolutely engrossed in probably Spanish-American histor or literature. I jumped. From then on, that roommate would say, "hello, I'm coming in the room."

I can't remember the last time I engrossed so thoughroughly in a book or my studies like that... Or can I? Then I realized, on Shabbos, I am like that. I think it's the mere fact of a the computer being off and the utter quiet -makes face- well utter quiet when the landlady and the kids are in shul in the morning. How could I ever go to shul? Shul time is the only time I don't hear either THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP over my head *OR* snoring.... (see for all you who were about to say, "those kids must sleep sometimes..." yes, and when they do, so does their father... ZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!

Incidentally, another inspiration besides the CPE reading was the admission from one of my "frummy" readers that she and her "frummy" boyfriend spend much of Shabbos texting each other. So, I, of course, said, "so you don't keep Shabbos? She said, 'we do, but we text.'" Hey, I thought frummies didn't have boyfriends anyway? They go from strangers to married, no?