So, fellow blogger, http://www.alizahausman.net/ wrote about the whole "what do you do?" question which sort of touched on stay at home moms. She mentioned how an author/speaker/psychologist would tell people she was a stay at home mom if she wanted to be left alone on Shabbos. I can't remember who this was, but, I read this in one of the woman's books.
Anyhow, the topic came up of how stay-at-home-moms don't get any respect because respect is equal to yearly income with allowances made for those who obviously have a degree but make crap because they have a warm fuzzy job (teacher, social worker etc.) Somehow, though, people are not respecting the warm fuzzy job of mom.
I wonder if this has something to do with what people hire to watch their kids. I'm talking about these cut rate nannies that most Orthodox Jews can afford. Before you pile me up with your hate mail people, I do know that there are some decent nannies out there. My best friend from college (college the first time) worked as a nanny for a year after her bachelor's so that she could pay off her loans before going on to get a master's. However, many people hire nannies that well, are not as good.
Personally, I've had way too many experiences being at someone's house with their nanny. I've been told how children are spoiled and should be beaten up on a regular basis. One nanny told me she hates Jews with every fiber of her being. My friend's nanny says that most nannies let the children walk outside with no shoes on and in cold weather. Furthermore, I would be seriously worried about leaving a non-Jew in my kitchen. People always say, "but they know kosher better than Jews." Perhaps they do. However, that doesn't mean they keep it when we're not looking. I think only a Jew (or a serious conversion candidate) would care about keeping your kitchen kosher. That's why smart people hire Jewish Immigrants who barely speak English.
Maybe I'll find two college kids and have them split the schedule so that each works half the week or so, that is IF I ever have kids. (See last post and my resolution to have popsicle babies instead of getting married.) Personally, I would prefer to stay home with my kids and not send them to day care. I was thinking I could homeschool my kids for most of elementary school. At the rising cost of these day schools and the declining wages in this economy, three or four kids would break even... So, maybe I would send a kid or two to dayschool but, a brood I would homeschool. I guess it would depend on how much I would be making when I started having kids. Again, this is if I ever even have kids. I'm so fed up with people thinking they can nag me into getting married, I'm liable to stop dating. Oh, wait, I'm a woman, I don't get dates....
I just had to laugh about this post. Remember when I got divorced and my ex-husband told the judge that I contributed nothing to the marriage because I was a stay at home mom...little did he know the judge's wife was a stay at home mom and he KNEW better!
ReplyDeleteHere's the truth on why stay at home mom's don't get respect. It is extremely politically incorrect to say this, but it is the truth. Women don't respect stay at home moms, that is why they don't get respect. I watched Patricia Ireland give a speech one time and she started out by saying Feminism is about giving women options and in the EXACT same sentence she started bashing stay at home moms.
The perception is that a stay at home mom isn't somehow realizing her potential as a woman etc. I personally found lots of other things to do with my time and energy that I found fulfilling, but lots of women find fulfillment in raising their children and I say that's a valid option.
I think the reason a lot of women are now turning to things like Avon is so that they can have a community of other stay at home moms to interact with and so they can tell the outside world they are in business, but even still Avon is not respected by a lot of people as a "real" business, but I know a lot of women who do really well in Avon and Amway etc.
Until women get over themselves and the feminists realize they don't speak for everyone stay at home moms will get no respect. Most of the men I know applaud stay at home moms, I even have a friend that used to say his wife was a "domestic goddess" when asked what she does. This always made me laugh, but he always was respectful when discussing what his wife does.
Stay at home moms do have a yearly earning though, it's the money that would have otherwise been spent on "domestic" help. It's rather expensive to have nannies, cleaning ladies, and other such services provided. Lots of couple realize this when the wife dies in an accident or something and they didn't have life insurance on her.
And you spend all that money on a nanny/cleaning help and what kind of quality do you get? One woman said, "I was the best babysitter in the world when I used to babysit other people's kids, but, I know without a doubt that even I didn't put into my own kids what a mom does."
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure I would find it fulfilling to be a stay-at-home mom. It's more like after the things I've heard out of nannies' mouthes I'm seriously concerned.
i believe in staying home and raising my kids myself.
ReplyDelete