It's disgusting the way they call women a tragedy for not being married. One of the blogs I follow, follows "The Curious Jew," or Chana. She was sent a link to this video and her reaction is found at: http://curiousjew.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-am-not-tragedy.html
Now, I'm 34, so, I'm beyond a tradgedy or am I? If you look at the video, you see they only care about BAIS YAAKOV girls. They don't care about Modern Orthodox girls. They don't care about Converts. They don't care about the orphans. This is about the parents of BY girls being upset that their precious little darlings aren't married. The reality is that the age gap isn't the only contributing factor. Many boys are marrying foreign girls. More boys are falling off the derech than girls. Also, I want to see stats of what percent of yeshiva bochurim aren't married.
The numbers are done by a Chareidi organization that has interest in the Chareidi community, and they were presented at a Chareidi convention, so the need to provide numbers on other communities (though important for the Jewish world as a whole) was not the central focus of this entire presentation. Had the website provided the entire speech that went along with the presentation, it would include information about the boys, the reasons why we aren't married, and what we should do about it in a practical sense.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, is there a Beis Yaakov anyone that doesn't include girls who are orphans, come from broken homes, are children of gerim, or gerim themselves? Absolutely not. I'd say with great conviction and personal knowledge that there are each of those in every Beis Yaakov in the world. So yes, these people are included in the data, if they are part of the study.
The fact that the percentages are declining indicates that they are getting married later. They use the word tradgedy and that freakin' music like they are dead instead of single. Imagine the true tradegy: 14% of all Bais Yaakov girls are dead 5-10 years after graduation. Oh, but then we wouldn't have a shidduch crisis anymore.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't think there's too many converts coming out of the Bais Yaakovs. There many be daughters of converts but, converts themselves are not let into the Bais Yaakov. Converts go to really modern schools like the one in Riverdale. The other schools won't let them in.
ReplyDeleteYour assertion about gerim not being let into non-Modern schools is completely, absolutely false. There is no truth in it whatsoever. I went on several dates with a girl who was a giyores, and she and her sisters all went to Beis Yaakov.
ReplyDeleteOK, well, I know someone who couldn't get her kids into any school but, Riverdale. Perhaps, she and her sisters were converted as babies. Normally, though, there is resistance to this.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that there is any "normally", as people "normally" go to schools associated with their own community. In my community (Boro Park, not just my specific Chasidus), there are gerim in every level of education.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Beis Yaakovs are international (and also located in places besides New York in America), so its likely that the girls who married American chareidi boys went to a Beis Yaakov elsewhere.
If you are talking about converts themselves and not merely the children of converts, there aren't so many in the bais yaakovs. Most bais yaakovs don't admit them. I'm sure there are exceptions but, it's not the norm, sorry.
ReplyDeleteHow many are there who are at an age where they are even eligible to go to Beis Yaakov in the first place? Of those who are, and those who are also of the age to go to Beis Yaakov post-high school seminary, I wouldn't imagine that such a high percentage are immersed in Chareidi and Chasidish communities, which are the communities served by Beis Yaakov. However, from personal experience, I do not know of any gerim involved in Chasidish communities who were not permitted into our educational institutions. I wouldn't imagine that many in Queens communities would be involved in Boro Park kehillos, or they would be living in Boro Park.
ReplyDeleteNot all Bais Yaakovs are chareidi.
ReplyDeleteThat's the point. Our Bais Yaakov schools are kids from homes black hat and MO machmir, so why should a gyoress be a problem. I'll tell you why: because they don't have the background to just come into yeshiva education at like 5th grade.
ReplyDeleteWell, I went to a BY school and there were definitely girls who were converts, including one in my homeroom class.
ReplyDeleteSome had been adopted as babies, others had converted as young children when their parents did. (How often do you have a ger who converted totally on his/her own as a young child or teenager?)
The school had no problem accepting them, they had plenty of friends, went on to mainstream seminaries, and all that I know of are currently married, etc.
As far as the whole shidduch crisis video, well, I also found it annoying. I'm 32 and still single, but I don't feel that I'm a lost cause.
I think people want to feel that there is a solution to the problem, otherwise it makes them too nervous. So somebody played around with numbers and came up with a "solution" that people can rally around and feel good about.
I think the major cause is the guys: many are OTD or are weird/have "issues". Not all, of course, but so many do--those are the ones that you mostly hear of when people try to set you up. Now why do so many of these guys have issues, I couldn't tell you, my mother (who is quite chareidi in her outlook) says maybe there is something about the yeshiva system and being forced to conform, feeling pressure to be on top scholastically might be the cause. As far as the being picky--I think it comes down to again, the guys with issues--bec. they often don't *really* want to settle down (even if it subconsciously) so they come up with ridiculous ideas and descriptions of what they want in a wife.
There's actually a correlation between the economy and marriage--the worse the economy, the later people get married. After all, not everyone can afford to set up all their kids with a fancy wedding, a gold watch, two European hair shaitels, new wardrobes, and at least two years of rent, utilities, and full furninshings, including a Bugaboo stroller.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I got married at 24 to a 55-year-old bachelor. Am I part of the solution or part of the problem?