A man can only marry a woman that he can atttract. So, a man can not just wait and wait and wait for a frum version of Pamela Anderson or whatever "image" they want. Over and over again men turn down REALLY attractive girls saying that she is not pretty enough. I've heard this from a shadchan but, I'm not one bit surprised. I haven't even gotten a date from Frumster, I've only spoken to TWO guys on the phone from Frumster. I got a whopping ONE date from SYAS and talked to one addtional man on the phone that I didn't like. I'm not ugly, by any stretch. I was beating men off me with a stick before I converted.
Frum men have become spoiled and picky. All they ever say is, "that's nice but, what else you got?" I know they tell you men that you're competitive but, this isn't a freakin competition. This is finding someone you feel comfortable with. I'm sick of this, "well I'm ONLY attracted to..." crap. Yeah, I don't buy it. You're looking for a woman who will make a good mother to your children, not a supermodel. FIX your priorities already!
The only time you can successfully change a man is when he is a baby, and even then outcomes vary. Don't feel down that you get no favorable responses from the Jewish dating websites, that seems to be a given if you go down that road. Were it any different I'm sure you would still be beating men with a stick :)
ReplyDeleteAnd who is "they"? "I know 'they' tell you men that you're competitive..."
"They" is the greater society when it is conveying messages, often through the media. So, there you have it. The "shidduch crisis" is unsolveable. All the rabbis can go home and enjoy their wives.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem very sad when someone who is rather serious about their religious life and about taking care of parnassa in harmony with that get tossed aside because of yichus etc.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I think they should be looking for a fighter and one who has shown they've made it through no matter what. But maybe that doesn't fit their image of the adoring, eyelash-waving, soft-spoken hot chani.