I thought I would take a few minutes to highlight some things that guys have done that caused them to accrue strikes against them.
1. if you are interested in a girl, ask her out and ON A DATE.
Twice now, I have had guys who worked in the restaurant business ask me to "come hang out" WHILE THEY WORK!!! When I get a text or phone call like this, I'm speechless. I am either on the other end silent, thinking, "Is he serious? WTF?" or I am just staring at a text message, "WTF am I supposed to say to that?" I may look like I'm 17, but I'm not and I don't think I'm out of line to categorize a guy like this as "liking me a little but not enough."
If you don't like a girl enough to take her out, don't bother talking to her. Shit, the weather is even warm now, a guy could ask me out to walk around a park. I suppose Mr. Phone Date fits under here.
2. If you are replying to an ad somewhere, respect what she said she is looking for
You men would get pissed off if a fat chick replied and you said you want a gym rat. How would YOU guys react? You wouldn't dignify her interest with a rejection form letter from Frumster. If I say within 10 years of my age and you are over 15 years older, I don't owe you a rejection. If you had read my profile, you would know you are TOOO Old. As long as you men want size 0 anorexic and ridiculously younger than yourselves, we women have every right to our preferences. NO pedophiles, thank you very much!
3. Do not lick or put your hands all over a girl's face
For those who aren't Jewish or maybe don't keep shomer. I had a guy once who licked my whole face like a dog would. Even though I don't wear the crap (make up) on my face, I never wanted a guy rubbing his hands all over my face and I surely never wanted to be licked. That's personal space.
4. Stop being so picky!!
If you are 50+ years old, bald, gray, wrinkly with no job and live with your mother, I don't know why you expect a size 0 or 2, blonde haired blue-eyed FFB with yichus and a small nose and 18 to 25 years old, to go for you. She won't. Like you men keep harping that we can't have a man who doesn't want us, you can't have a woman who doesn't want you. Be freaking realistic! Also, a girl overly concerned with outward appearances will be looking for a man who makes a LOT of money (over $150k a year, maybe more) and still probably treat you like garbage. Why are men always surprised that "hair make up and nails" (and heels and tight short skanky dresses...etc) girls treat them like garbage? She's shallow. If you look at her, you should know that. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!! So many men will only date this type and then say that all women are shallow gold diggers. Well, I guess they are only ATTRACTED to shallow women.....
Does anyone have anything to add?
long winded anon here:
ReplyDeleteNothing more to add except I'm so sick of the perception of how these older never married late 40s and up men are 'so wise and stable.' Or those divorced, but never had children, but now badly want them. Most don't actually want to 'do' anything for a date, going for a drink or coffee is pretty high end expectations for them, despite how 'successful' and 'generous' they are painted to be.
Look at the commenters on the blog pushing old geezers. If they were such great catches, why are so many single now? If they really were fabulous, you bet born Jews would be thought of for shidduchim with them well before converts would be.
Why are they needing such significantly younger women? Many women in their 40s can have children still, especially with medical intervention (which some younger women also need as well). I can understand some serious minded might never have found the right person, but why are there so many never married older men?? I don't know many FFBs that don't have an older never married uncle or cousin that is looking for a hot young thing so they can be a daddy.
What is the motivation for these wannabe matchmakers trying to stick these losers onto unsuspecting women? Sick pleasure? Being able to go around looking like they are such a balaat chesed? They wouldn't like it if their female relatives got this treatment.
I went off on an acquaintance of mine who FB chatted me only to segue way into attempting to set me up with her 50 year old uncle. (Oh, and I saw him later, he doesn't look good for 50, either). She was all, "but he wants to have kids... what am I supposed to do?" I told her to become a matchmaker on SYAS to find him someone (she's married, she can do that). She claimed that she had and couldn't find anyone. Well, I checked, she's not on there.
ReplyDeletewow u did a great job in writing this blog!! very well written didn't miss anything from my point of view. :-)
ReplyDeleteGentlemen,
ReplyDeleteThis is merely a manner of RESPECT and the realization that women are people, NOT objects!
Gentlemen:
ReplyDeleteThis is merely a matter of RESPECT and treating women as PEOPLE, not OBJECTS!
FWIW, I am male (and happily married).
#3 doesn't apply to me as I'm Shomair Nagia but as far as #1 goes fine I'll just ask you out already....... you know even though I don't know you or anything like that.
ReplyDeleteBut Leibel, you gotta admit, just the idea of a person licking up and down your face is NOT a turn on. #1 is more about guys who seem to be asking me out but they really just want company at work... no dice. For me to accept would cause me to REEK of pathetic.
ReplyDeleteI was joking about the going out thing, but to be serious do agree with #1. Dating requires thick skin and you can't break down just because someone doesn't want to go out with you or refuse to do anything because of fear.
ReplyDeleteOk, but it's annoying when a guy says, "hey, ya wanna hang out some time?" and he gives me his number I think we're actually going to go out. Instead he texts, "are you coming by the restaurant today? I'm working." He just keeps telling me when he works.
ReplyDeleteI finally texted him, "Ok, well you have my number now so if you decide you actually want to do something, let me know."
The point is that supposedly they like me but they aren't asking me out. They are making me think they are asking me out and then they aren't.
Let him call YOU back.
ReplyDeleteIf he really wants to ask you out then he'll find the time to do it.
In my experience a lot of frum guys are wimpy when it comes to asking girls out or being clear about what they want to do. It's a big problem that more than a few frum girls complain about and rightfully so IMO. Speaking as a guy it's better to be direct and find out if she's interested or not instead of wasting time.
ReplyDeleteWell in Michal's case if he's interested then don't expect her to run circles around him.
ReplyDeleteIf he likes her then he can ask around to see what people know about her. Or if they so happen to have a mutual friend/acquaintance them have them act as the go between.
Michal doesn't want to know his work schedule as would any woman. Rather than beat around the bush and ask the woman out already.
Not all women will date within the traditional framework or rather yet it just hasn't worked for them.
When it comes to asking someone out and in Michal's case - If you can't do it... Have someone else do if for you!
The last scenario, I know him from going in to where he works and getting food there. He is a Modox guy working in a fast food place. His non-Jewish friend from work would always (if it's not busy) step away from the register and let this guy take my order. I asked his name and started using it every time I went in so, he would realize I was interested, too. Finally, he swung by my table to ask if I wanted to hang out some time and he gave me his number.
ReplyDeleteI was sure that "hang out some time" was asking me out. Since the next conversation was via text, I don't know how he could feel too awkward to ask me out. Probably he's just clueless. I don't know how old he is, he's probably too young for me and hasn't dated much, which was part of the reason why I let the whole thing go. I guess I'll have to swing by there at some point.
Well there is a possibility of something happening.
ReplyDeleteThe only way to find out is through his friend. Speak to him and ask what's going on.
If in doubt. Take a friend female friend with you. Might help make the situation less awkward.