Saturday, November 15, 2014

Women Should Stop Dating

I was just looking at the forum for "MGTOW" or Men Going Their Own Way. Wow! These are a bunch of mediocre men pissed off that they can't get the hottest woman around. Mind you, they are also pissed that they feel women aren't working the occupations they feel are "real" jobs, so even if they could attract the creme de la creme women, they'd be pissed off at her for being a teacher or nurse or some other female-dominated job. Also, such women are prone to sitting their butt being paid by men just for being pretty and you know, batting those false eyelashes they so carefully put on.

The men on this group advocate that if they can't get laid on the first date, they should drop a woman. They advise men playing hard to get and they seem to think that women will then run after them... I sure don't. Honestly, I don't think these men work, but I think they get on these forums and they really get into this mentality.... They are cranky to the Nth degree. They are the new sexist. They want us to pay for at least ourselves on the first date then go home with them to their bedroom. I'm going to guess these men may get first dates... maybe a lot of them... but they don't get second dates. The only women I have been friends with that would sleep with men early on, were women that trust me, no man should want them.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure many of the guys I've gone on first dates with were from a camp like this. This is exactly why I don't even want to try anymore. I'm already at an age where I shouldn't try to have kids anyway, because the risks for Down Syndrome are much higher. Congratulations to the white men of America for refusing to marry suitable white women and causing the white race to become extinct.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Shit-uck.....a recent exchange with a "shadchan"


Recently, someone wanted to set me up... here is the exchange with personal information redacted... Then I will close with more information and my thoughts.... Anything written in < > is not from the conversation...


It started when I changed my profile pic and he commented on it to contact him re a shidduch. So I asked on a FB message and this is what transpired.... 


March 28, 2013 10:16 pm
Me:
I don't have your number. So, why don't you send me information. How old is he? What does he do? What disabilities does he have? Where did he grow up? What's his highest level of education? What neighborhood does he live in? What kind of Jew does he consider himself? You know, normal stuff that people want to know....

March 29, 2013 12:00 am
Shadchan:
<blank message>


October 13th, 6:39pm
Shadchan:

I just got this message. He is a Rabbi. He is an author. Does Hashgacha around the world. Has an apartment in Manhattan lat time i checked.
My number is <redacted>

October 13th, 8:50pm
Me:
You still didn't tell me how old he was. Do you text or call only?

Shadchan:
I haven't spoken to him in awhile. I would guess that he is in his really fifties

Early

What is there besides text and talk?

Me:
Yeah, early fifties is too old. There's Email and FB messages.
I prefer younger men actually. They are nicer.

October 13th, 10:18pm
Shadchan:
I have to get his age for you

Me:
I date 30 to 49-firm. My 18 year old niece has more wrinkles than I do.

Wednesday 11:44am
Shadchan:
Rabbi thinks that revealing his age is an eekuv. He would tell you on first date. Ball is in your court. Check Internet for <redacted name of prospective shidduch>.

Wednesday 8:31pm
Me:
There is a halacha against wasting another person's time. Refusing to give basic information that everyone exchanges seems to fall under this category.

<asked some female FFBs. They didn't know what eekuv was. A guy told me it is a delay.... and that the man refusing to share his age is the one eekuvin'>

Thursday 5:49am
<after googling the man and getting the impression he was around 60>
It's ok, I'm not interested. He's too old for me. I told you 49 is my max and honestly I am not even interested in men over 43.

October 27th, 5:11pm
Shadchan:
Ok. Age isn't everything though.

October 27th, 9:30pm
Me:
Well, then maybe he should think that way and date a woman his own age. I'm a very visual person so it's very important to me. My time is very valuable and I don't give it away for free to people acting sketchy.
October 27th, 10:37pm
And you say age isn't everything, so WHAT do me and this man have in common? You basically come at me with the usual, "I have a guy for you" but you failed to tell me a thing about him. I'm quite sure he came to you and asked you for a much younger woman, so obviously age doesn't mean anything to him... He's 60, right? or older? Yeah.. we are at different stages in our life, that's what... He's planning his retirement and dealing with hemorrhoids, going to the doctor and taking meds and I'm... well, not even middle aged yet. Not to mention, I look so young most people think I am 16 to 25.
BTW, someone just asked me to ask you, did you set your daughter up with guys 20 years older than her and refuse to tell her the guy's age? If I wanted to settle for someone much older, I wouldn't be single.... there's been a plethora of guys 15 years older than me with whom people have tried to set me up...


Shadchan:

I don't know if I should even bother answering you. You obviously have a chip on tour shoulder. He did not ask me to meet anyone.
I told you to Google him and learn what you could.
Shadchan:

You are obviously very much in demand.
Shadchan:

Good luck to you. I'm sure there is a line of men waiting for you.


Tuesday 2:00am
Me:
I didn't ask you to set me up... you put a note on my profile that you wanted to set me up. I don't want to get married. I keep telling everyone this and then they keep coming with these men 15 and 20 years older than me.. because I guess if I don't want to get married, I'll change my mind for a man 20 years older than me? I don't buy for a second that he didn't ask you for a woman young enough that she could still have kids.... because that's exactly what they do. You used to be nice. Now you're being mean to me. If you want to call it me having a chip on my shoulder, then call it that.... I call it being aware of the tricks people are trying to play on me and being so over it.

************************END

BTW, for those who didn't see this on my Facebook... I finally found the age with googling... he's 62... I wanted to share this because I'm always told that I should just say thanks but no thanks. The only problem is, you see that the "no thanks" is met with retorts....This person is in the position to potentially trash me in the community with lashon hara.... I wanted my side out there clear as day... this is the conversation. The only edits are for names and such.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Mansplaining Is a Turn Off, Boys! Here is some dating advice for you

First a definition based on the wikipedia entry for it:
Mansplaining is a portmanteau of the words "man" and "explaining" that describes the act of a man speaking to a woman with the assumption that she knows less than he does about the topic being discussed on the basis of her gender. Mansplaining is different from other forms of condescension because it is rooted in the assumption that, in general, a man is likely to be more knowledgeable than a woman. It is further defined as "the intersection between overconfidence and cluelessness", rooted in a "presumption, that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men's unsupported overconfidence."


I will just add that the unwillingness to have a conversation (you know, an EXCHANGE) with the woman, but rather bombard her with information is a huge characteristic of mansplaining.

I remember when I was 18 and I got away from Christianity and started actually potentially dating guys... prior to that it was just me liking church boys that I would never be good enough for-because my parents were divorced and I didn't come from a religious home. I remember once getting off the phone with a guy and noticing that suddenly all the guys in my life knew a lot of STUFF... as a young 18 year old, I thought this was cool. Somehow, I thought it meant they respected me and my intelligence. Eventually, I guess I ran across guys doing this when I actually knew about the subject at hand..

By now, I'm 38, and I'm pretty knowledgeable about a lot of different things so my initial positive reaction to what I now know was "mansplaining" has turned quite sour. I really hate... I mean hate, being on a first date or when I'm talking to a guy that seems interested in me and that guy starts confidently teaching me about something and HE'S WRONG. I know he's wrong because we're talking about something that I know about. I've decided this is the worst kind of mansplaining. The time that this happened to me that really stands out, the guy had just mansplained to me how to lose weight because in response to "what did you do earlier today?" I told him I had gone to the gym and run on the treadmill. Then we started talking about actual running and with audacity and arrogance, he did it again and was even wrong about the information. I always see online that guys say they don't like a woman arguing with them on a date, so, I gently stated, "are you sure? because I don't think that's correct" BAM! He came at me even harder with his arrogance. I looked at my watch... crap! I wanted to walk out, but I was staying for the weekend at a friend's in Manhattan and my friend went out to eat and wouldn't be back home yet.

Next in my line of mansplaining products that I dislike is mansplaining about how to lose weight. Guys just seem so clueless that mansplaining to a woman you are interested in on how to lose weight communicates this: "I think you are fat." The same gentleman from above who had done that prior to manplaining about running, I stopped him and point blank ASKED if he thought I was fat. He said, "no." So all I could think was, if you don't think I'm fat, you really need to shut the fuck up. I was angry to be on a date and to be on the receiving end of an insult. Of course women aren't allowed to tell men, "hey, you need to shut up because you are insulting me." We're supposed to be nicey nice and sweet and put up with being insulted by our dates in this manner and go on more dates with these guys and sleep with any man that wants to sleep with us, but we're also supposed to be prudes... Oh I'm going off on a tangent....

Finally, other mansplaining when the man actually does know more than us is also pretty crappy. This is a little harder to tell that we are being mansplained to, but one key is if we stop them and ask a question, the way they answer it and if they seem to assume we can follow them, or if answer in a very condescending manner.

So, now begs the question, why do men do this? I've actually noticed that men mostly do this on dates early in a relationship or when you are at a party or a bar. The woman that coined the term had it happen at a party. On the other hand, I sometimes have casual conversations with men I don't know in public places like the grocery store and I walk away thinking, "that was a PLEASANT conversation with a MAN. Why couldn't my conversations on dates be like that? If they were, I'd for sure be able to find someone."  So it is from this that it hit me... men actually think mansplaining is attractive. Men mansplain when they are trying to win a woman over.

Well, I'm here to tell you, you are more likely to win me over by complimenting me and acknowledging that I am not an idiot. If you want to show interest in a woman, ask her out. Here are some ways to do this, "can I take you out to dinner?" "Let me take you out for coffee sometime." "I am attracted to you and would like to get to know you, is there any interest on  your part?"

Now on that first date: it's ok tell a woman she is pretty or beautiful once or twice, but if you sit there on the first date repeatedly telling her she is beautiful, it's too much. Just talk to her. Tell her about you and let her interject with information about herself. Ask questions about her hobbies and interests and favorite music and TV. Come up for air. Don't physically crowd her space. Read her body language. Does she move away from you? Does she look bored? Don't ask if you are doing ok on the date. That triggers the thought that you are a loser and she won't be honest. Also don't make a big deal about the fact that you are paying. Just pay for the date and don't talk about it. I've had guys say it's their treat or act like it's a big deal that they paid or even worse they start muttering like they can't afford to take a woman out. All of that makes me think you aren't interested or you're an ass. If you have an issue with paying then invite her to free or cheap stuff. I'm not a gold digger, but I'm not spending my free time with a stranger and paying for myself. Women are looking for a connection on a date, unless she has daddy issues, but trust me, you don't want a grown woman with daddy issues. I've been friends with women like that. They are a mess.




Friday, August 15, 2014

Immigrant Men and Street Harassment

When people talk about street harassment, they talk about construction workers whistling. I don't know if I've ever endured that scenario, but what I deal with constantly, are immigrant men bothering me. Most specifically, these are men from the sorts of countries where they think women need to be punished for leaving the kitchen.

I'm here to say that if these men are not citizens of this country, they shouldn't be making life so much less pleasant for those who are. It is not our culture that I should have to marry a man I don't want and never leave the house. It is our culture that women should be free. We are turning into a third world nation and it's high time we all get angry about that. You may now have the luxury of not dealing with this because you may not live in NYC, but they are coming more and more. Soon women will not be able to leave the house without experiencing the kind of harassment that women endure in the Middle East. You think it won't come here? The Muslims are already protesting in Michigan that they want to turn the US Middle Eastern. The Mexican will support their hatred for women and women will no longer be safe. Is this what we want for our sisters, wives, daughters, granddaughters and neighbors?

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

To Be Or Not To Be-GROWN UP

I thought it would be an interesting endeavor to think about how people define what they mean when they tell people to grow up. Sometimes, via context clues, people mean coming to an understanding that being a good or bad person doesn't REALLY dictate whether good or bad things happen to you. Some people mean breaking the rules and not getting caught or not ratting out friends when they break rules. Other people define it with strict gender roles. Women are grown up when they wear make up, heels, get married and have kids. Men are grown up when they are married and paying the bills and have a mortgage.

Looking online, most people define it by taking on responsibility. It's doing what needs to be done. Therefore, if a woman has kids, but her mother in law raises the first one then the oldest raises the rest of them, how grown up is she really? Also, she's not the one paying the mortgage.

Personally, I think it's laughable that wearing heels and make up are supposed to show that a woman is grown up. It would be a whole 'nother post, but they always refer to heels and make up as "taking care of yourself." Um, heels are destructive to the feet in the long term and make up is destructive to the skin in the long term so, I don't see how that could be responsible. As for having a child, it makes you grown up if you step up to the plate, but if you have a kid and then pawn it off on others, you are not responsible, no? NO.

So what do my readers think??

Sunday, January 26, 2014

People Do Not MEAN WELL!!!

One of the things I find most utterly annoying about most people I talk to is that they are either delusional or nasty in that they tell you that people mean well. Really? So the Jewish community actually MEANS well with the crap that they pull?

Basically, the way it works is that multiple people come to me and give me unsolicited advice-THE SAME advice from about 10 people at once. It will be to do a certain occupation while no one offers a job or to get married usually. When I tell people over and over to back off and mind their own business, I start getting calls for bullshit at like 7am from people in the community. Really? Everyone calls to invite for Shabbos at 7am? Really everyone cancels Shabbos invites at 7am? Then I do the dumb thing of complaining to people who I mistakenly think are my friends and I'm reminded... oh yeah, no Jew is my friend. I'm sorry, but I'm not delusional enough to think people have my best interests in mind when they do these things. Even if it wasn't some sort of "punishment" to call me at an inappropriate-which I know it's supposed to be-it's selfish that people when it's convenient, not having my best interests in mind or acting like a decent human being.

Well, call all you want at 7am people. I keep my phone on silent. Also, I will know my true friends by those who admit that most humans are selfish pieces of ....

Monday, December 2, 2013

The Problem With These Older Men

I'm really sick of older-I mean way older-men hitting on me. The matchmakers always take their side saying they want to have kids or they want what they are attracted to. If men want kids, they shouldn't wait until they are 50 to worry about this. I hear men my age arrogantly tell me that they are going to wait until they are older and then date younger women. I don't have a single wrinkle on me. I don't have a single gray hair. I've inspected. Most of my friends are a couple years younger than I am. They are ALL starting to gray already. Looking younger than you are is actually something that runs in my family. If I were a liar, like everyone tells me to be, I could easily say I'm 28 and date men my own age. However, I wouldn't want to start a relationship off on a lie like that.

As for the argument that men make that they need to date women they are attracted to, so it doesn't matter that I'm not? What narks me even more that they will chase down a girl that doesn't want them, push themselves on her and after she caves and dates them, they will get mad that she doesn't like them and is using them for their money or "You make me feel like an ATM." Men will say to women, "don't you want a man who is attracted to you?" I guess men don't want a woman who is attracted to them from what I have seen. Personally, I want to gag at the thought of being with someone who looks like a grandfather to me.

rant out