Monday, August 16, 2010

My response on the Aish article from the last posting

Just to bring you all up to speed: this girl said she thinks men are intimidated by her intelligence. The included women who commented in sloppy grammar that their husbands were happy so, she's lying. Also Mike stepped in and said he wants a nice submissive wife. You can read the article and comments for yourself.

For those of you who are on this girl's neck, you are WRONG! I have had men admit to me and seen posts online. Even look at Mike who reinforces this. Many men want a dum-dum or at least a smart girl who devotes herself to building a career only to walk away from it when she gets married and it's time to have kids.
As a woman, I was harassed by the Jewish community to go back to college. Now that I have, I'm being told it's a problem and I'm not devoting enough time to trying to get married. You know what? There's supposed to be a shortage of women, so if I become a "discouraged dater" to borrow from economics where a "discouraged worker" is someone who stops looking for work because they don't find it, why should anyone care? I'm not a Bais Yaakov girl. I'm not an FFB. When they talk about the shidduch crisis this is who they care about, as far as these girls not being married.


  1. I am 42 and a ger. My father was Jewish mom was not but I grew up with a Jewish (Reformed) identity. 5 years ago I went through a divorce and a very sincere Orthodox Conversion for myself and my 2 sons. I wanted things to be right and I wanted the door open to date more Jewish men. I have met many women who met their husbands first and then converted. No one questions them especially if they have married into well off families. Well, this post is not about that, that is another story and post BUT regarding men and dating I have tried them all, J-Date which is not Orthodox at all so that did not work out and I tried Saw You at Sinai and Frumster, more than once. I have met 5 men who seemed quite serious and I got excited thinking maybe this is it !! Sigh.... They were married and either seperated or going through a divorce. Of course I told them bye bye- call me when you are kosher. The other problem I ran into is these men want to know what you do, and how much money you make. They are middle aged with 4 or 5 plus kids and either every cent they make goes to child support OR they pay NO child support and they expect to have a woman bringing money to the table. The 40 to 50 year old men are not interested in a college educated, sincere, bright and good humored woman who can cook and manage a household and recalls the Regan Administration. They want a 22 to 33 year old. I do not want to go out with someone old enough to be my " uncle " or someone who falls asleep during a cup of coffee at 2pm ! I am wondering at this point if religion has anything to do with this or if it is just men in general ??
    I feel like finding a man has become like finding a needle in a haystack ! FFB's do nothing but insult the convert and their families are so cruel. Some BT's are so over the top they are impossible to relate to. I went out with a very nice BT but he insisted on reciting the bracha out loud (very loud) before he took a sip of his beer. Others around turned to see what was going on. I could never religious enough for this man. Also, why is it that most of these men have mentally ill x-wives? hummmmm...... I have heard this so much. SO wen you talk to these men off these dating sites they spend all their time complaining about the x. It is just so frustrating.
    I am also tired of people at my shul suggesting I look for another convert ! My Rabbi told me he and his wife never do match making and I should just go online. I have since found out they have helped connect some couples so what he told me was not true, He was just not willing to help me. Then one day on one of the coldest days of the year they invite me over for Shabbos dinner. I wondered what was up. I live 1 mile from shul and I have alwyas walked. No one except 1 family has offered to walk home with me for safety on Shabbos evening. I wondered what the special occassion was that justified my invite. As soon as I accepted the invite I was asked to walk another woman who was visiting for 1 month. She had a traveling job and was staying the the complex next door to mine. They did not want her to walk home alone !! Excuse me?? What about the countless Shabbos' I walk alone or with my children? I let this go and gladly enjoyed the company. SO while at dinner there were some others present and my Rabbi says they are now seeing a new generation of converts. So many have converted over the past 15 to 20 years now the convert's children are in Yeshivas. Even though they were born Jewish one or more parent is a convert and NO ONE wnats this in their family. I am shocked he says this in front of me !!! Did he forget I was a ger or is he just that big of a jerk??? At least I know where I really stand. Even though I am a kosher convert I am still like a Shabbos Goy to them. So this lady ended up leaving town early because her job finished early and I was never invited back again to their home for dinner or lunch.

  2. "So many have converted over the past 15 to 20 years now the convert's children are in Yeshivas. Even though they were born Jewish one or more parent is a convert and NO ONE wnats this in their family."

    Sheesh.... this entire story is very disturbing.

  3. Hey first anony. poster. I'm sorry, I push comments through from my phone and sometimes I don't get back to comment on them. I was just re-reading it now since I pushed Wingate's through from home. I know exactly how you feel. I'm essentially in the cherem where I live. They keep telling me to move, that I'm not welcomed here. I don't really have the money and I'm in college and don't want something that disruptive to it. Besides which, who the hell says I won't move somewhere else and have the same stuff happen to me.

  4. Yeah, that story sounds like the stuff that happens to me. Actually, no, they don't even talk to me. I don't go to shul anymore. I've been going away for the holidays. I'm really stuck with these holidays but, no one cares...