Sunday, February 27, 2011

Hey! Why did HE get to marry a girl with XY and Z qualities but I can't find?

I was just thinking about a comment and exchange on the last post where I discussed the column that Hamodia did a Houdini with, "Single As a Dollar Bill." Yankel said that it's unreasonable that men are expecting what they won't be able to find and perhaps, he posited, they can find it. Really, I'm not sure if he's more clueless or if he's one of those guys. It actually sounds like he doesn't get it-to his credit in this case. After all, it really DOESNT make sense that men are holding out when it really isn't so realistic. However, they do. Why? Because out of their tons of married friends, they know one or two who did very well and so they want what that guy has.

One possibility is that their friend may have really gotten lucky. Sometimes, it does happen. However, that doesn't mean that another guy should dig in his heels and refuse to consider anything other than lucky. I remember one guy they set me up with when I was still in the process had a huge anger management problem blowing up at waitresses and stuff on dates. I was sooooooo embarassed. It wasn't an isolated incident. It happened on all three dates. When we met for one of the dates, we met at his work but then we were wondering around aimlessly (in the rain and it was cold) because he couldn't remember where the restaurant was that he wanted to go to. He didn't prepare by bringing directions, map, address, phone number... he had none of these. Then he slipped up and told me about watching I think (this was pesach chol hamoed 2007 so not sure)  it was Roy Rogers on TV as a kid and I was like wtf. So, I asked him point blank HOW OLD he was and he kept saying he didn't lie about his age but he looked older than his thirties which was what he told me. Eventually, I told him it wasn't going to work for me. He blurted out, "but WHY, my friend married a hot girl much younger than himself!!!! Oh, because someone was about to die and the money was coming...." That also sounded like an addmission to me that he HAD lied about his age, since he was supposedly only about five years.

Another posssibility is that their friend may have married a girl who looks good on paper but there are things about her... I recently was talking to this guy who told me about the girls he's been dating-set ups from people from Shul-the girls all had the careers (teacher... lawyer and such), living relatives and close knit families, they looked good etc. However, they were messed up. One girl didn't know how to cook because she always ordered take out but she put it on the credit card and only pays the minimum I guess. They had anorexia and bulimia. One had to have every hair in place and redo two hour old make up just to walk the dog. They, like many Jewish women, wanted to have kids that they wouldn't raise themselves, but rather pay someone else to raise for them. Ok, that's not a big deal for most people since this is what most expect. A bright side to the guy is that he agreed with me about that point. However, it seemed like he just couldn't get past the fact that I don't have a picture perfect paper life. He expected me to have the time to speak to him for three or four hours at a time on the phone more than once a week but he didn't want to invest the time (he claimed it was time) for date so I never actually met him. Furthermore, despite my requests that he SCHEDULE these calls as phone dates, he expected to continue to call me whenever and I would have time to talk to him. The last time he called, I was working it was like 3 or 4 in the afternoon and he left a message that I should be done by now and where am I or something like that. I was like, "I'm quite sure I didn't tell him I'm normally done with anything by this time since I frequently don't get home until about 11pm." He just figured that I had a class or two in the morning and no homework, no job so I have plenty of time for free mental health therapy over the phone. At least that's how I felt hearing about all these exs on the phone. His argument was that we were getting to know each other. Ummmm, no I'm getting to know your ex-girlfriends and you're the only one talking. So, he too, looked good on paper (good job, house, car, loving family) but in reality he wasn't. He didn't understand some things about dating. I will make my next post, some of the things guys do wrong dating...

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