Monday, September 23, 2013

Explaining the dating crisis and what to do about it

I am convinced of it. The reason why I haven't been able to find anyone and why so many people are single for too long is that consumerism has crept into dating. Men are objectifying women in a new way. People are making their lists full of every damn detail they want with no distinction between want and need and trying to hold out for something that is an idealized non existent version of their ideal. They. Will. Not. Bend. This is especially true for the men...

They decide ahead of time what she should look like, how much money she should make and how much time they want her to have available for them. These men refuse to admit that they have any flaws themselves. They refuse to find something reasonably what they want and deal with the other details through communication and compromise. "I make 70k a year and there are women that work in my office, so I should be able to get that," one man tells me. I ask, "do you know for a fact they make the same as you?" and suggest that he ask them out instead of chasing me down and simply telling me over and over again that he wants to date me but he will only do so if I'm able to find a job that pays what his pays. He also doesn't want to help me find said job. Of course, he also tells me that the women who work in is office are ugly and he won't date them because they aren't attractive enough.

I mean, if they know a guy who got a girl 20 or 30 years younger, they want that. Also, many men assume that everything is completely and totally about money-as in women only want a guy who has it. There are far more factors that I know for me will turn me off towards a guy, so guys here they are:

-Lying to me-I won't even tell you I've caught you in a lie. You lie about too much too soon, you're done.

-Insulting me. OMG who are these men that think it's a good idea to call a woman fat on a first date or give unsolicited weight loss advice, ask for her weight and so on and somehow they call for a second date? I feel like a man should bite his tongue no matter what and if he isn't interested then don't ask her out again or call her. It's pretty simple.

-prying for overly personal information before or on a first date

-making the conversation sexual early on

-not being able to tell me why you like me. There should be something there besides looks. If you can't find one single attribute or common hobby other than "I think you're pretty," why are you bothering me?

-being pushy or indicating that you think women are stupid/less than men/don't REALLY matter. I told a guy that I was on the Dean's list for 4 semesters straight and he rolled his eyes and started talking dirty to me.

-not having any sort of job whatsoever

-The arrogance of only wanting women 5 or 10 years OR MORE younger than themselves.

I'd rather have a broke guy who stuggles than a guy who doesn't work and lives off his parents
I'd rather have a guy who tells me the struggles he's faced and what's he's done to make his life better
I'd rather have a guy who tells me he accepts my flaws because he knows he's not perfect
I'd rather have a guy who tells me things about me he's noticed that he likes.

I remember back when I still lived in Buffalo, there was this construction worker I liked. I hung all over him and tried to get him to date me. He said I would never stay with him, so he didn't want to give me a chance to break his heart. He pointed out his low income, his status of blue collar and his crooked teeth. All of these things didn't matter. I just wanted someone I would feel comfortable hanging out with.... someone who was honest and sweet. I can't date someone whose IQ is so low that I can't carry on a conversation with him, but having gone to an IVY league school doesn't matter much when you sit there an insult your date, pat her hand like she's an infant and tell her, "don't worry sweetie, I'll let you talk later."

I long for the days of the simple blue collar worker who speaks to me like I'm a person and is convinced that I'm not good enough for him. Even the Blue collar Jews from Brooklyn aren't like that. I am certain that the only true answer to this problem is for Jewish mothers to raise their sons better in the first place. They don't seem to be doing a very good job now based on the experiences I've encountered.

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