Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Prince Charming Illusion

Everyone remind me again what year it is. Is it 1613 or 2013?

I am REALLY fed up with women constantly telling me a man should come along and fix my every problem. If I make the slightest little comment to another woman about not being able to afford something, I always hear the same thing, "maybe you'll meet a man, get married and he will make enough for you to have these things." My response is usually, "I don't make enough to pay for the dates." Then they chime in that he will pay for the dates... My experience is that men want women who have the money to get dolled up so they can parade them around. Nobody is going to pay for a woman's make up and heels on a first date. Most of the guys who have gone out with me seem to expect sex after they spent $10 on dinner. The bill comes and they start muttering about how expensive it is and they can't afford it. We are talking about dates of $20 to $30 for the full bill.

I'm burned out and jaded. On the old blog everyone came in and told me to stop dating because I was so bitter. The problem is that even if I decide to stop, the community will not stop trying to convince me to date. Does anyone actually have a prospective date with whom I want to spend my time? It was over a year ago but the last set up called to make plans for the first date, offering to take me to an expensive concert at Carnegie Hall. Before hanging up, he told me that after it, he asked if he could come over and f*ck me. Yes, he used that word. I was stunned and angry (I should know better). I just said, "no you can't." To which he whined and protested, "well why not?" Some would say, well, he's spending all that money on you, he should get IT in return, right? Who the hell asked him to spend that money on me? I surely didn't. I had no interest in going to this show, whatsoever. I was going to be going because he said he really wanted to go to it.

The "Shadchan"  was self declared. She was a 20 something girl still living at home with her parents and studying in grad school. It really must be nice to have such a luxury of parents that let you live at home and be a child when you are chronologically an adult. She refused to deal with this. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that they try to sell singles on the idea of using a shadchan based on the fact that there would be an intermediary. Shouldn't an intermediary explain to this supposedly Orthodox man that when you are being arranged for marriage, you don't ask a woman over the phone before meeting her if you can f*ck her. If I wanted to be spoken to like that by men, I can very easily go into a bar in revealing clothing. Why should I tolerate this from someone I've never even met who is supposedly in the market for a woman who thinks outside the box. See, THAT was why I was told he and I were a good match. Oh and I hate to say this, but I DID get more respect when I was in my 20s and met men wearing clothing that Orthodox would not consider tznius.

Anyway, the point is that if I feel my life is better without the options I have for male companionship, I should be able to make that decision. Instead, the community keeps trying to bait and switch trick me. I don't really need to keep hearing about this hypothetical prince charming coming out of the woodwork. I'm quite realistic that a woman like me isn't going to get a RESPECTFUL age appropriate Jewish man who is also making middle class wages or better. Those men go to FFBs who come from middle class or wealthy homes and married parents. They don't go to converts who grew up below the poverty line with divorced parents and extended family members that serve as poster children for white trash. I can dream of winning the lottery more realistically than I can dream of finding a decent man for myself. Of course, if I won the lottery, I can bet prince charming would suddenly appear out of nowhere.

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