Sunday, September 8, 2013

Request: A Little Something About Dating As a Convert

It was requested that I put up a post about dating as a convert. OH where to begin....

I am a cute white girl with Blonde Hair and blueish green eyes and an hourglass figure. When I go out places, men generally stare and try to talk to me. I've been, for most of my life, drooled over by men/boys. I also look substantially younger than I am. It's genetic. My mother and grandmother both looked young. My grandmother said her mother and grandmother looked young. I never expected to have a problem dating.

I've been set up with men as much as 30 years older than me on more than one occasion. One woman told me to contact a certain rabbi... because she knows he works with black and foreign men. I played it off like I didn't understand what she was getting at. I didn't date black and foreign men before my conversion and I'm not going to start now.

The set ups I've gotten have been horrible. The guys I've found on my own have been tolerable, but bad. By the time this shoots live (I'm pre-writing all of the posts and scheduling them), my post talking about the DJs date will be on the blog. That's about what my dates are like when I meet guys on my own. I get snarky little comments similar to what the DJ got. I think it's a Jewish problem. The DJ's guy was in finance and a lot of those guys can't find someone. I hear guys whining, "I don't know why I can't find anyone. I make good money." Well, women do want someone that can pay the bills when they go on maternity leave and possibly take time off to raise the kids, but it's such a turn off when a man insults you on a first date. Comments like, "I thought you'd be taller," "shouldn't you weigh 110 pounds for your height?", Explaining to a woman how to lose weight after you just complemented her body, screaming at her or the waitress, generally arrogant behavior and acting like you think you are better than her, not letting her talk, giving unsolicited advice, will piss women off.

Also, even trying to find a guy on my own, I've been disrespected as listed above. Meh, I don't need someone who's going to insult me and possibly hit me. I mean if a guy insults me on the first date, I can't much have hope that things will get BETTER. Truth be told, if a radio DJ can't meet a decent guy, why should someone like me expect to find one. The worst is the chasidim. They are really the only ones who are willing to date converts, but they just want to sleep with you and get rid of you. I put one of those in his place. He was in his 20s and kept talking dirty to me on the phone. I told him I didn't think we'd be compatible so he said that we were both in our sexual peak so it was perfect showing where his head (hahaha) was at... I simply explained to him that I actually hit my peak at about 25 and I don't have any sex drive anymore.... Um, yeah, he didn't call me again.

There's really no way around it. Matchmakers honest with me, told me the guys said they would be embarrassed and they generally want something a little more "status" than a convert. So, for those women who think they are converting to marry money, guess again. I wasn't looking for money, but I can tell you, I most assuredly dated better men and turn down better men all the time solely because they aren't Jewish. Even a conservative woman who didn't know I was a convert told me she had problems. She presumed that it's because Jewish mothers spoil their sons so much they have no incentive to cut the apron strings. I agree. I dated a divorced man, 44 living with his mom. He told me he expected a woman to basically do what his mom does: clean up after him and put a roof over his head so he can blow his earnings from work on garbage-plus sex, of course. Yeah... and this is one of the BETTER guys I've dated that I met on Frumster so not through a matchmaker.

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