Judaism and the Almighty Skirt

I’ve thought about this topic a bit and I’ve been wanting to blog about it for a while. It’s a touchy and sensitive topic, too. As my Orthodox Jewish readers are surely aware, and many Jews not Orthodox and non-Jews are aware, the skirt is a hot topic of the question to be or not to be tznius.

In most Orthodox circles, the official tznius dress code is one that includes a skirt which covers the knees. Another accepted item in the dress code is that the elbows need to be covered. This is accomplished by wearing a “shell” or fancy undershirt under the t-shirt. Ok, it sounds easy enough, right?

Well, why, then, do I see women with their elbows covered but they wear short skirts? Even better, I often see married women with their hair carefully covered, their shell covering their elbows, then they wear a really short skirt-ok maybe just short by Orthodox standards.

As a convert, I can’t even tell you how many women, who tell me I need to know what tznius is and that tznius is more than just how I dress. Meanwhile, some of these women aren’t dressed so modestly. I know one shadchan was telling me an example was that she wouldn’t call a guy hot, because the word “hot” is not modest. Meanwhile her skirt was above the knees.

I probed for some input on my Facebook page. The most intuitive comment was that it’s halacha for women to cover their knees, but, minchag trumps halacha, and the minhag is for skirts above the knee. Now, I pledged that I would uphold **ALL** minhagim. So, perhaps this is what I should tell someone the next time I’m nagged that my knee length skirt is too short is that I’m just following the minhag and apologize that my skirt is a little on the long side.

Of course, they will just decide that I’m not Jewish anymore. Whereas, with the FFB who shows half her thigh, they wouldn’t dare for fear she would fall off the derech. Actually, I could write a whole ‘nother post on just THAT topic alone.

Who do you eat by? Where do you daven?

I made a mistake when I picked out my Jewish neighborhood and because of it, I'll not get a shiduch until I graduate college and move. Where I live is the next neighborhood over from a nice vibrant Orthodox and observant area. However, where I live... well, the shuls are Orthodox. I saw in the shul for Purim many observant-looking women with their children but, since the women don't normally come to shul, how would I get into families for meals? Well, it seems like the sane thing to do would be to contact the shul's office and the rabbi and ask to have meals arranged for me. I have tried this to no avail. Eventually, I gave up. Then I tried to find people online. I found one couple who's children were in their 20's and living elsewhere. At the point that this woman screamed at me that no one wants to host people and I'm not welcome here. Ok, I'm done. Oh, but, I started college shortly after this. So, I figured that I would move near my college. I was all set to move until I realized the place was completely misrepresented to me. So, I backed out of the move.

I just ran into a woman from the community outside my house. She was walking her dog and I was coming in from the megillah reading. Although, I had stopped at the grocery store and Pizza Palace Cafe for food and drink, so perhaps she was at the same megillah reading but, in one of the other women's sections. I flapped my giant Purim hand a "hello." She greeted me, "I thought you moved?" "Nope, I didn't end up moving." "Well, are you happy here... there's no singles here." "I'm looking for families. I find single women to be catty." "Men? Don't you want to meet single men?" "They don't want me. I'm on Frumster. They don't want me there."

I have to rant here because I get turned down for Shidduchim all the time ... because the men start asking who I eat by and where I daven. I have to explain that I stay home because I was told Im not welcomed here and I don't want to move to ghetto Ocean Ave in Brooklyn. At which point, the men kindly claim they will call back and that is the last that I hear from them. We have a real backwards society, us Jews. Normally, men are supposed to want the women and WORK for us. Remember? In the Torah, Yaakov WORKED for Rachel fourteen years, really because he worked seven for her then her father pulled bait and switch deciding that he should first take Leah whom Yaakov didn't want and yet Yaakov worked another seven for her again. The men should have such respect for women nowadays. Instead, us women are asked to throw ourselves at men to the extent that we should move. Meanwhile, some men complain that the women are too picky. Yet these same men turn me down, like a guy on Frumster who is two years older than me always pissing and moaning in the forum. However, he won't date a convert and he won't date anyone under a certain height...

Balancing the Scales: When the community has been fantastik to me....

Ok, so, I've been criticized that I don't offer enough of the positive experiences in my writings.

To launch this writing, I work for frum Jews in their homes. They have all been wonderful to me. I have not had any negative experiences when at any of their homes for Shabbos. Ok, one had a guest who was obnoxious, however, she and her husband stepped in and changed the subject-over and over again, I might add.. Mostly, though, the people I work for are not in the position to host me for Shabbos. One of the young kollel couples goes to her mother's house most every Shabbos.

Some of the perks these frum bosses have generously rendered include: bonuses for Purim, Pesach, Rosh Hashanah, my birthday and Chanukah, two very comfy barely used twin beds, use of the internet when my computer was down, washing a load of laundry for me when I didn't have time to get to the laundromat, occasional rides home from work, high end clothing that was in the gemach donation pile, extra copy of the megillah, free food up the wazooooo and finally, often being the people who restore my faith in the Jewish people. I might even be forgetting something.

Some kindnesses extended by other frum Jews include: rides to the store given by women who didn't even know me, more use of internet when my laptop bummed, some of the positive experiences that I have had in the community, offering a frozen chicken when I thought my Shabbos chicken was stolen out of my freezer, loaning of books, rides to the mikvah to toivel dishes, Shabbos leftovers, and finally, more encouragement when others have put me in the position to need it. Again, there may be something I'm missing here, as well.

In summary, there are, indeed, positive experiences to balance out the negative ones that I have cited in my previous writing. I have listed them above. Perhaps, I will even experience more, so that I can come and report them at a later time.

Brooklyn Vs. Queens or Queens Vs. Brooklyn

Let’s start with Kosher food:
Brooklyn has more selection. However, my friend and I went all down J and Coney Island looking for kosher places that would deliver when her husband would later get home from work at 9pm. I think Mendy’s was the only place that fit the bill. Most places weren’t even going to be open then. Queens has places open late, even late night delivery. In fact, I don’t even live in Kew Gardens Hills where the take out is. Yet, I can get a pizza delivered at midnight. Also, Subway: the one in Brooklyn doesn’t have fake (parve) cheese. The one in Queens does and they deliver, too.

Queens wins with food.

Now, the people…

I need some input from you, my readers… how ARE the people in Brooklyn? In Queens, it depends on the area. Now, if you are talking about Kew Gardens Hills, people are REALLY great. However, if you are talking about Forest Hills… well… I’ve been to Brooklyn for Shabbos the people seem nice enough to me. However, KGH has a hospitality committee for meals. That makes it easy to meet new people.

The people: undecided

Brooklyn College Vs. Queens College
I have run into a bunch of people in KGH who went to Brooklyn College because they had a better program for what they wanted to do. If you’re just going into speech therapy, sure Queens is right there. However, I specifically wanted marketing. There are some CUNYs that offer just marketing but, those schools didn’t work for me, for a different reason each. So, I chose Brooklyn College’s Business with a concentration in Marketing.

For me, Brooklyn won this one.

Now, I turn to you, my readers, what other aspects of the two boros should I compare and contrast?

Community spotlights: Kew Gardens Hills

I put on the blog a while back that I was going to start spotlighting communities. Well, I'm going to start with what I know best: Queens.

The Jewish "Capitol" of Queens is Kew Gardens Hills or KGH for short. KGH is where I would tell most anyone to look at, if they were looking at communities in the greater New York City area. The people are friendly. Shopping and shuls are convienient in this tight knit area.

People are incredibly friendly in this area. You will never have problems getting a Shabbos or Yontiff meal. In fact, there is a hospitality commitee for singles and I believe some of the shuls have one, too. You won't need it for long, though. As soon as you start meeting people, they will introduce you to others. Also, people who see me a couple times invite me over. For Sukkos, I had plans to go somewhere else but the person who invited me wasn't giving me the details I needed. At around noon on Friday, I picked up my phone and made two calls. They offered what they could and then made some calls for me. Within two hours, I had an overnight and all my meals in a Sukkah scheduled in KGH. Do you really think that would happen with any other area?

Main street, the community's shopping district is large enough to have two clothing stores (one expensive-Eishes Chayil, one more affordable-ELZEE.) There are three main supermarkets: Supersol, Brach's and Wasserman's. Supersol is the most expensive but, they have the most vareity and a parking lot. They also have normal hours. Brach's is the cheapest for most things but they close early (7pm?). Wasserman's is open at all crazy hours-ok, till about 11 or 12. They have delivery and phone orders with a credit card on Thursday and Friday, maybe Wednesday, too. I don't use this service. I was told about it.

On Main Street is not just these stores but, many restaurants and take out places, as well as other Shomer Shabbos businesses. I would also like to mention that off-Main street on Jewell, is a kosher Subway. This one has tofu based, parve cheese. The ones in Brooklyn do not. On Shabbos or Yontiff, the metal gates are down across Main Street and Jews cover the sidewalks. Occasionally, a non-Jew drives by. The area boast something like 35 to 40 shuls and Schteibles. Most homes have a driveway and/or a garage behind their homes. There are block-lengthed "driveways" that run between the streets so that these homes garages can be accessed. There is also on-street parking. Incidentally, the restaurants in this area put up sukkos for the holiday. That photo is the sukkah from Shimon's Pizza.

Renters generally rent in 2, 3 and 4 family homes. This means that sometimes people have access to a front or backyard as a renter. Although, this may only be restricted to an area where you can put out a kiddie pool or a Sukkah, it comes in handy. Speaking of Sukkos, the streets and the driveways behind are lined with sukkos for the holidays right now. There is a community-wide eruv so, there is no need to attach the sukkah to the house or to build an eruv around the property.

Incidentally, the Hamodia Magazine recently spotlighted KGH, as well. They spoke of the yeshivahs. The area is most Yeshivish/Litvish types. There are many kollel couples in the area. The men who go to college might go to Lander or Queens College. The women usually go to Queens College or commute to a college in the city.

There aren't many downfalls in this community. However, some might prefer Brooklyn if they have children with special needs. Such kids often go to schools in Brooklyn, even though there is a program in the area. It is often not right for these kids. Most of the women I know from KGH work in Brooklyn as therapists and teachers at those yeshivos.

Incidentally, I don't live in Kew Gardens Hills, but I work there and I often go there for Shabbos, as it's substantially easier to get an overnight and meals there than it is to get a meal in my "Jewish" neighborhood 3 miles away.

First round of Sukkos pictures: Kew Gardens Hills, Queens

These pictures were taken before yontiff. Hopefully, I will have more pictures for you guys next week.

Community review breakdowns

So, I want to break it down:
New Jersey: Lakewood, Passaic, Teaneck, Edison/Highland Park
Upstate: Monsey
Bronx: Riverdale
Manhattan: Washington Heights, Harlem, UWS, UES, LES
Queens: Kew Gardens Hills, Kew Gardens, Forest Hills, Sunnyside, Astoria, Jackson Heights, Hillcrest

Brooklyn: Flatbush/Midwood, Boro Park, Williamsburg, Crown Heights, Coney Island

Staten Island:

Long Island: Five Towns (+Far Rock, even though it's Queens), Merrick, West Hempstead

Outside NYC: Dallas, Baltimore, Washington DC, Seattle, Miami

Choosing a Jewish community

Hello,
I've been discussing this with my pre-converts/converts for selecting their Jewish communities. I would like feedback on various communities that my readers live in. I'm including my list of things to consider for the readers, as well.



There are different factors that make different areas ideal for each person.
What kind of Jew you become plays into this.

Things to consider:
Am I comfortable financially, or do I need something more affordable?

Will I have a vehicle? Or do I need to be on the subway?

Will I want to be around modern people, medium strict people or really strict
people?

How to I feel about being around sephardim?

How much commute might I want to make?

What kind of work do I do? Some jobs are concentrated in Manhattan but, others
are concentrated in the outer boros (like teachers and therapists)?

Do I want a lawn and a backyard? Or to be in a high rise? How about a co-op? Do
I want/need a doorman?

Do I want to be around young, old, a mixture or don't care?

If you consider yourself a Chabadnick, do you want to live in Crown Heights?

Do you want to live in a small community, big community or something in between?
There are communities made up of one shul, 6, 38, or over 200. The size of a
community is something to consider.

Do you want kosher grocery shopping right there or would you shop at a regular
store and supplement that with trips to another area for meat and maybe cheese?

If you are going to be married Jewishly in that neighborhood, do you need a
mikvah right there or would you want to travel to it?

If you aren't finished with your process, do you need a rabbi within the
community or would want to travel to meet with one?

What kind of women's role do you want? Some areas women never go to shul others
they are expected as much as the men.