Guest Post: Confessions of a Jew.... To Another Jew..

Earlier this week, I had an interesting surprise. After checking my blog and fnding some kind comments from new readers. I checked my Email. In my inbox I found the following (with a very mild amount of editing on my part). (Purple is for my female posters. I give him this deep green.)

A couple of months ago I was sitting with a classmate in the far end of the cafeteria, quickly going through my notes for a Classics exam that was to take place in short order. At the time, among the works we were studying, Plato’s ‘Trial and Death of Socrates’ was one of the texts. I had it out for test-prep.



That afternoon, for some reason, as you sat at the next table, minding your own business, occasion presented itself for us to exchange a few words. In short: you directed me to your blog and I wrote its address in the back cover of the Plato. I went to take the test; aced it and forgot all about the blog.


I’m generally not given to reading blogs because threads are very labyrinthine and my time to fiollow a thread is too limited to begin its journey, but I’m not averse to looking at some when they’re interesting, from time to time.


Anyhow: last week I had occasion to take the Plato out once more for the purpose of writing my final paper, and I came across the URL that I’d written those moths ago. I made a mental note to check it out because at the time we exchanged those few words, it appeared like you had something to tell, earnestly.


But as you know, as a student at the brink, together with everyone else, finals here in  ain’t no piece o’ cake. So I put it out of my mind for a few days. Yesterday, as I entered the library, and was passing security in the tight and crowded alcove area, we accidentally bumped into each other. I then resolved to remember to check it out; my curiosity burned.


Now, I find myself trying to calm myself from the outrageous things I read on your blog. Not only are your sufferance right, valid and correct, but I’m ashamed to read that such a deep disregard for other Jews—even to the basic human level—is the norm. Earlier, as I happened by one of the posts—and where I realized that you were, in fact, a convert—I commented to the effect that it’s crazy that such callousness exists among Jews. Now, hours later as I perused some of your posts, I realize that the reality of this situation is rampant and it disgusts me. As a born cynic, your stories should ordinarily strike me as exaggerated; but not these stories. I’ve seen them first hand too many times, to dismiss anything you say.


Now, I don’t hate my fellow Jew just because he/she is ignorant; but at the same time, it incenses me that the most noble and respectable Jew, the convert, is not respected.


I must point out: I may not be the type of person who socializes, in the first place; or I may not be a good schmoozer, much; but disrespect?! How can such a thing occur?!


Why, I wonder, does a conversation with you have to revolve around conversion, Judaism, theism, theology or anything like that? Why couldn’t it be about how one professor sucks and the other rules? About how Starbucks coffee is better than Dunkin Doughnut's (in my humble opinion)? That such-and-such an exhibit is coming to a local Museum, or that X,Y and Z? You’re human! If I’m to converse with you, I’d be conversing with a woman! Not some circus side-show…


If you wanted to discuss conversion and such, then you’d be doing that too—at your own volition; but why is it such a hot topic with FFBs? Sometimes the most embarrassing, insensitive, even gruesomely cruel questions are asked, and I can’t imagine what behooves them to ask them!


Of course you don’t have the answers, and neither do I; but as I said in my post response: my family has been blessed with our extended family, our Puerto Rican family. Unfortunately, due to my residence here in the five boros, and theirs outside the five boros, I don’t get to see them much; but are they in any way less my brothers and sisters than my biological siblings? No. in fact, I wouldn’t mind exchanging some of them…lol


But seriously: I read some of the episodes of the Hineini encounters; the Shabbos lunches; the keep-the-convert-at-arm’s-length attitude: and I hate it.


You’re just a simple, typical woman. You wake up in the morning like everyone else; you daven; you learn; you eat; you study; you have fun; you’re bored; you cry; you laugh; you wonder; you conclude; you love; you despise; you plan; you’re spontaneous; you win; you lose; you’re rich; you’re poor: you’re completely normal! So why the heck are you being treated like a lab rat?!


To put it another way: you're not a convert. You're simply a Jew. End of story.


I hope you find a man who deserves you; a sensitive, sensible, successful man, and one who’ll love you and you’ll love. And, moreover, I hope you find chein with people and you discontinue being treated like a diseased creature. You and you friends are nothing like that, and some of us are, boruch haShem, aware of that… I hope our numbers increase, as it's high time it did, and more of us come to appreciate you.






David

Guest post: Happy post part one

A happy update to hospitality!






Last week, I wrote about the difficulties in socializing in the community and feeling like a permanent outsider. One key area that generated comments was Shabbat hospitality. I mentioned in the comments, the shul sent out an email a few days ago encouraging people to invite a new face or pay back invites extended previously. Very very rarely has an invite from the hospitality come through, a fews times in nearly two years (when it wasn't a communal event). Generally the weeks I've requested either alone or with one other friend, the results were Thursday AM getting the “we're working on plans for you” email then the very last minute (Friday afternoon) discouraging cold email “sorry no hosts available this week,” This is why I end up hosting so often since I'll have to cover for myself anyways. I got use to it, but sure it does sting to have to do everything one's self week after week while seeing everyone else joining plans with friends or people meeting up with their meal hosts after shul. Very difficult to get to know people when one keeps trying but not finding a way of fitting in.





This week after exchanging comments on the other posts, I had had it after it was suggested I was being 'conditional' to hope to be treated like a normal Jew, which supposedly I am. As my friends are away now that schools out, I resolved I'll not bother with other people on shabbat. My plan as of midweek was that I'll just eat by myself until my friends come back this fall, not bother with all the formalities or added expenses (summers are tighter for me as work slows significantly), and the extra home cleaning to look presentable. Just have a chilled shabbat dinner with my favorite take-out sandwich, my favorite drink, enjoy it while reading from the ever growning pile of 'must read' books I have, and get use to this for a while. BUT just on Thursday afternoon, I got invites for BOTH dinner and lunch out. I don't think I've ever had this experience ever having two hosts that didn't know me have me over. Sure one was a vegan meal, but it could have been just a few bites challah and hot water for all I cared. Both invites were from young families I did not know. I have no idea if that shul email encouraged folks to host guests, or that now that school's out, perhaps the deamnd of guests looking for hosts has gone down. I'm thinking a higher priority goes to students wanting meals as opposed to other folks in the neighborhood, I am not sure on this though. Will ponder that in just a moment.

Part 6: socializing

When I was on Frumster, a male acquaintance showed me the search results in my age bracket. Pages and pages of pretty dark haired girls, a few, not many with lighter hair and eyes, but overall still had a “Jewish” look. Then there was myself and just a couple of other converts that stuck out. I gave up online dating a long time ago since the only replies I got were from dirty old men or men that wanted to have non-kosher fun with someone they considered to be a kosher shiksa they could play with and discard while holding out for a real Jewess. Sending complaints to Frumster didn't do much, as the men are still on there. There was nothing indicating this in my profile, indeed my rav approved my essays and photos prior to posting.
Now someone will likely point out that there are Jews of all colors, nationalities, shapes and sizes, which I agree. There are FFBs of Asian, African, Latin American descent that look like natives of their respective geography. I've known of 4th and 5th generation FFB African American Jews and Jews of Indian descendant that look nothing like a “typical” Jew. But certainly those are the exceptions and when people encounter them, they are considered exotic.

We have some at my school. People ask them when they converted and it annoys them to no end.So is there any way I'll ever fit in with the community? Before someone yet again mentions out of town communities or outreach centers, Over the years, I've tried those too, going to summer programs, extended weekend Shabbatons, and back in my hometown and still felt like I was treated like a stranger (which converts are)--cordially, but kept at a 'safe' distance.

part 5: socializing

When I offer hospitality (very regularly since I don't get invited), people will come and come again, but rarely do they offer a return invite which is common at singles meals. They will, though, reciprocate when my friends host and will help set them up with men they know. In my old neighborhood, I once had a meal I hosted and one guest explicitly invited everyone, BUT me. Yet even after that she continued to accept invites to my home and ask to bring friends when she requested hospitality through the old shul and she was often matched with me. I could never understand this.


I would not have invited her again after that. This is not a friend.


Both Michal and I did not date during the lengthy conversion process, as for me at least I didn't feel right about dating a Jewish man when I wasn't Jewish yet. I respected the boundaries of gentile and Jews from interacting on such a deep level, hoping the lines would blur when I became a Jewess. Especially as I was in a modern yeshivish environment for much of my conversion process and I was under the impression it really would not have been acceptable. I am regretting the lost time now. I was told that dating could delay my conversion or even invalidate it. Yet I found that those women that cheated, often jump ahead of me, getting to cut corners in the process and were converted and were married well before I finished. Many are not Orthodox practicing now, they were just more convincing to a beit din, so they could plan their wedding that it appears I'll never get to have. At least they were married to guys that seem good, working, and age appropriate. Not the dirty old lazy bums I get offered for following the rules.Yet, here I am, still not married and really feel I need to give up since few men will consider dating me and the ones that do treat me horribly and I get people feel I deserve it.

Part 4: socializing with converts

At the same shul, my convert friend of a minority descent told me it took her almost a year of regular Shabbat and shuir attendance to be offered a lunch invite. And that was after calls were made and she still rarely gets invites. My friend is nearly a generation older, but has a bubbly personality, elegant style and mannerisms, interesting career. People love to schmooze with her during kiddush but don't extend further. My friend feels because of her age and ethnicity, is often treated like a cleaning lady when she asks for shidduchim or hospitality and gets a polite brush off. Both of us are active in another shul as well, and at Chabad, and are quite generous in giving time and money to community causes. We go to shuirim together regularly and we both after years, still feel like we get the outsider treatment. It's not like we are takers, we both give plenty.

All the sudden the text colors aren't working...

Anyway, I also meet people very naturally in other scenarios but not so much in the Jewish world.

part 3: socializing with converts

Now I think I'm of overall average appearance, but I do notice I stand out at shul, clearly I do not look like everyone else. I noticed that new people are frequently greeted and asked about their meal plans and invited which I am happy for them. When I was new, I was greeted nicely, small talk at kiddush was and still is made, but not offered an invite even when folks asked who I am eating by. After sticking with it for a while, there are a total of 4 families that have ever extended invites at the shul I go to regularly over the 2 years I attended. The other shul I sometimes go to, just 3 families one time each over the past 2 years, all right after I ask to have my name on the office list (it still is there). Just the rav and one other family ever inquire if I have meal plans for chagim. Yet my Jewish looking friends are offered meals much more frequently. If my friends ask if I can come along to the meal, usually the hosts will agree. But otherwise I have given up on getting invites even when I have explicitly stated I would like plans. It's like I'm a gentile, it is OK to be polite, but no extended socializing like one would with "real" Jews. I am a member of all the big shuls in my neighborhood and help out, so there is no doubt that I am halachically Jewish and not a pre-convert.

Do born Jews dislike socializing with converts that look like “Shiksas”? part deux

Do born Jews dislike socializing with converts that look like “Shiksas”? Part deux
So where does that leave us girls that look like Michal and I? Or women of color that can't pass for born Jewesses in terms of dating and community involvement? I feel that while I'm generally treated politely, I am treated with suspicion and considered far less desireable in terms community, mostly in hospitiality and shidduchim. I have a goyisha panim as I've been told nicely or I look like a shiksa as I've been called less politely. Michal and I are both blonde and blue eyed, not thin, but not obese either. I am of average height, don't know about Michal. I do have a somewhat Jewish last name (i.e. there are a few other families in my neighborhood that have same surname as well) and there is strong evidence of Jewish heritage going back a few generations on both sides. Although I may not look like it, there is a good chance I may indeed be a born Jewess, even my beit din, agreed even it was possible though it was inconclusive (but no bracha was made after I dunked since there was doubt). I have a gentle, sweet personality and traditional Southern manner, so it is not that I am offensive in my actions. I dress modestly within Orthodox guidelines, though I will wear colors other than black. I volunteer in the community and give generously to my ability to do so. My brother when he grows a beard looks very chassidishe and at a Jewish firm he use to worked at, he was sometimes mistaken for Jewish and asked to join minyanim, invited to meals. I keep thinking how lucky he was!
Michal again: The funny thing is that for me, people who don’t know my last name often don’t realize I’m a gyoress, though, of course some do. This is why More girls in my Jewish class would realize I probably converted than the girls in the Hillel. They hear my starkly Irish last name being called at roll and then they look and notice I look Irish. Actually, my German grandmother had a big nose and looked kinda Jewish. I also suspect that members back in my ancestry converted out of Judaism. FYI, my convert friend that I said you look like in some of your pictures had patrilineal descent.

Guest Post: Do born Jews dislike socializing with converts that look like “Shiksas”?

My blogreader friend who has written some of the recent posts about dating is saving me from the choice between letting the blog slip and school work in this time of "one last push" as I strain to make sure I do as well as possible this semester when I suffer from senioritis making it difficult to study. So, anyhow, she was kind enough to write up this nice long guest post which I will be posting in chunks spread out until it's posted.


Do born Jews dislike socializing with converts that look like “Shiksas”? Part one


I realized something very odd the other day. I know plenty of converts, most of them women. I've heard that 90% of converts are women, I don't know where that statistic is from, but I would not be surprised. Of the converts that I know are married, most of them met their husbands prior to or during the conversion process. In other words, they were gentile women when they began dating their husbands. When they converted they were accepted as full fledged Jews, even if not Orthodox practicing, they quickly got married escaping the hell of shidduchim. The few women that were already converted, I noticed a trend, the women had features that they could pass for a born Jew. Those few were fortunate to have conversions that didn't drag out for years and years and they were able to convert shortly after or during (heavily discouraged now) college so they did not miss out on prime dating years. I know in two cases, the women had Jewish fathers, but in the others, they just happen to have physical appearances that they didn't stand out. For a short time, when I first came into the neighborhood, I did dye my hair a dark brown would hoping it would help, but of course it doesn't change the rest of my physical features.





Insert from Michal: With the exception of Hillel friends, most of my Orthodox friends are converts. When I put my survey up on my Facebook, it was the convert friends who jumped in ready to help out. It was their convert friends who offered (not did after being asked) to status the link to my survey. The converts immediately had my back. As for 90% of converts being women, I believe this to be true. When I was taking conversion classes for a brief time at OZ, it was mostly women who were in the class. Also, when a man came, I had no way (well rudely asking people I don’t know which isn’t my style) to know if he was in the class or coming for “shiksa that he’s bringing in to Judaism.” I think it’s more that born Jews grow up with their friends and don’t really seek out new friends. Being older, I don’t know so many Orthodox born Jews my own age. Most of them are married and so their lives are all about their husbands and kids and maybe work. They socialize with other mothers, not single girls. When they do socialize with single girls, it’s usually girls with whom they grew up. I also kick myself for having not dated during my process. No matter what they SAY, I saw that they didn't do it that way they those who dated were hurried along.

Guest Poster: what's different about gerim?

Why are Geirim (converts to Judaism) subject to discrimination within the Jewish community? Why would a community that outwardly proclaims openness, is in fact most insular? The reasons are many and nuanced but in the end, it is the fear of the ‘outside’, those not in the community that defines every group.

From childhood on, the individual is taught that he or she is a part of something much bigger than themselves. The affiliation to a particular group makes them special and every expression of narcissism is discouraged. Love means fidelity to the group, not the self.

Those on the outside, the ‘others’, are by necessity rejected and more often than not, hated. The concept is simple. Within the group is love and safety. Outside the group are outsiders, ignored or barely tolerated. When those from outside the group join the group they are suspect. They may cling to aspects of their prior lives, loves and priorities. If the outsider says ‘Yes, I have ideas of my own that I have learned along the way’, the group is often fearful of being undermined. This is not unique to converts. The relationship in-laws have with their child’s spouse is often undermined for the same reasons.

When the group demands ferocious loyalty, love and self abdication and abrogation, you can be sure that group also offers up ferocious hate to those outsiders and those within (Geirim) who do not see eye to eye with them. The greater the hate of the ‘others’, the greater the fear (and nuanced hate) of those who join the group. The Geirim are the unknown and by virtue of their past lives are different. Thus to some, the greater the hatred of the ‘other’ becomes an expression of piety and fidelity to the group.

Geirim can articulate their emunah with great clarity and passion. They come to that clarity and passion despite familiarity with the 'outside' world. FFB's fear the outside and just about anything and everything from the outside. The unknown ‘outside’ is the threat. Some geirim can tell you how Shakespeare can influence the soul with great beauty, passion and insight into the human condition. Many FFB’s can barely spell the Bard's name, because for most FFB's the great writer is treif. Other geirim can tell you how art can transform time and space. Virtually all FFB’s has never learned how art has transformed empires and great ideas.

Put a crayon into the hands of a young child and watch art be created. Play music and watch toddlers dance. Art of all kinds is an integral part of who we are. We need not fear the ger who understands this and other ideas. Geirim do not come to us to pollute us. They come to infuse us with what brought them to life- kibbul ohl malchut shomayim. They bring us a better understanding of our world. They are oxygen.

The unspoken truth is that in many FFB communities, the outside must be feared. Many gedolim with who have more than a passing familiarity with the ‘outside’ are marginalized because of that fear. It always amuses me to see how many people simply poo-poo brilliant Rabbonim like JB Soloveitchik, Yitzchok Twesky, Aharon Lichetenstein and a host of others because they are 'educated'. Neither the Rambam nor the Abarbanel would be able to make a minyan in Boro Park nowadays!. How many FFB's today know the Vilna Gaon was a mathematician? How many know Jonathan Sacks has probably forgotten more than most people will ever know?

Michal and other geirim threaten the FFB establishment because her world is broader. She sees a whole lot more of the magnificence and magnitude of Creation and the potential of humankind than most FFB's. She threatens the FFB world because her crap meter is highly sensitive and tuned. She can see right through the phoniness- and that scares a lot of people because that threatens the status quo.


The FFB community has to hide behind the idea that they reject the outside because of some phony sense of frumkeit and genuine ehrlichkeit. In truth, it is their own shortcomings and not the outside that scares those most of all.

An enormous part of the FFB community is imperiled because the shtetl model doesn't work here in the 21st century. A look at the State of the Community confirms that. In many ways, we are in a free fall and just playing for time. If a substantial part of the community cannot now support itself, what on earth would anyone believe it will get better over time, with even more distance from the realities of what it will take to make it in the 21sy century?

Truth be told, it is geirim and a large segment of the BT community that will have an enormous impact on the frum community- and that scares a lot of people for a lot of reasons, especially the current 'power brokers' and their followers.

Geirim may not be authorities on bishul akum or dofen akumah- and that scares a lot of people. They do know what must be done with abusers. They do know how criminals must be treated. Geirim have a moral compass that many fear because of it's clarity. There is no ambiguity in their sense of right and wrong any more than there is ambiguity in their emunah.


The community tolerates that ambiguity because they hope that if necessary, they will benefit from it. A lot of FFB's could learn a lot from geirim and that scares the daylights out of them. Not a lot will admit to that, but it's the truth.

Guest Poster: Shidduchim, dating, marriage

Shidduchim, dating, marriage: My philosophy and thoughts Part 1Share
Yesterday at 10:49pm
by Ari Stern

I don’t believe anyone who I consider a friend needs to share my beliefs or even my values. The only things I can think of that would disqualify one from being my friend are age and music-taste. Just kidding. They are disloyalty, dishonesty or just general untrustworthiness. Oh and they have to value our friendship. I think that’s it.

Anyhoo, I have this real yeshivish friend who basically spends most of our conversations explaining to me how messed up my philosophy of Judaism is. So lately I was telling him that I think Frumster is the best dating-method for me, and he looked like he was going to faint.


“For hundreds if not thousands of years, all our ancestors got married through shidduchim, but then along comes Ari Stern and decides he knows better than Jewish tradition.”

So I tell him why logically it just makes more sense and it’s more pragmatic, but he doesn’t let go.
“We have a mesorah to do it the way our community does it and you have no right to go against our holy mesorah.”

So I told him “For thousands of years our holy mesorah dictated that we have no refrigerators, and along comes our new age and decides it’s okay to have refrigerators.”

He stops to think for a second, and then he says “so you’re saying if computers and internet existed in prior times, our ancestors would use that method?” I say yes. You can see he looks puzzled. He’ll ask his rosh-yeshiva about that. I cannot wait to hear what he’ll say. ;-)




Then I was having this discussion with someone else, and she was saying she wouldn’t hold her husbands hand after she got married (in public). I ask why and she says it’s not totally tznius. I ask why and she says because it gives away too much information to the public; she’s basically announcing she is not a niddah and that is just too much to share.

I always wondered how a lot of Chassidim said it’s not okay to hold hands in public, and yet they hold hands right after the chuppah. They even DANCE in public on their wedding night (mitzvah-tantz). If it’s okay to do it on your wedding night, why not every other day? But now I think I see how it’s not a contradiction or a hypocrisy, everyone knows she’s not a niddah on her wedding night anyway. Cool.

The problem is, according to the above, why doesn’t the couple kiss under the chuppah? Is your love and exclusivity private or not so much? Furthermore, does this mean that anyone who holds of the halachic opinion that touching in public is announcing that she’s not in a state of niddah and is therefore not recommended- do they concede that if the couple is, say, in Taiwan on vacation (or any other place where the people don’t know about niddah and therefor won’t come to any conclusions based on them touching), that it’s okay to be publicly affectionate?

Guest Poster: B'nai Avraham v'Sarah: So You're Kosher But Not Glatt Kosher?

This was originally posted by Austin C. Moore on his Facebook page. He is a Conservative convert. Although, he seems to be more (Moore... haha) observant than many people who call themselves Orthodox.



Vayikra 19:33: "You (plural) shall not oppress the convert in your land."
Vayikra 19:17 - "You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but you shall not bear a sin on his account."
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Judaism has never been monolithic and homogenous, it has always been evolutionary. At one time Rabbinnic Judaism was the greatest heresy of its day. It had Sages who were brilliant. When did we stop. The transmission of law at Sinai did not stop in the generation of the Sages for every generation possesses capable Sages. The Torah was not given to the Haredim, but to all Israel.

Unfortunately, many use the Torah to divide rather than unify. Many have built fences not only around the Torah, but also around the synagogue. What happened to ahavat yisrael and klal yisrael? The fact remains that Judaism is larger than the Haredim, and their face is not the only face to Judaism. Their definitions are not the exclusive authoritative position on all things Jewish, or even halacha. (I think I just signed my warrant for gehinnom).

Many in the Orthodox Community act as if there is one brand of Judaism. Has there ever been one form of Judaism? We have been stratified by tribes. We had the Sadducees, Pharisees, and Essenes. We had Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel. Even the Talmud includes minority opinions of the Rabbis! If we are supposed to brand those in the minority opinion as heretics, why does our Oral Torah include dissenting opinions?!?! At one point there was the mitnagdim and Hasidim. Was either more or less "Jewish" than the other? No. Look at the Sephardim and Ashkenazim? Which is more authentic Judaism? Neither.

Our Tradition teaches shivim panim, that the Torah can be read from seventy differently but equally meaningful perspectives. What happened to pluralism in Judaic thought? Which is correct: tucking in your tzitzit or wearing them out? Should you eat kosher or glatt kosher?

Placing those in cherem who cling to different beliefs is the antithesis of Torah. We can hold different beliefs and interpretations and remain faithful Jews. However, this Haredi alienation exists for those who challenge the religious authority of the generation, the self-proclaimed arbiter of what is Jewish. The words of the liberal Rabbis in the Torah who challenged the authority in their day are now cited to brand Jews as apikorsim. The words of yesterdays "heretics" are used to brand proponents of unpopular Jewish positions today as heretics. Is this not irony? Rabbi Helen Bar-Yaacov has a humorous adage, "Those who are less religious than me are heretics. Those who are more religious than me are fanatics."

Does having the longest payes or the blackest coat make you a "pious" Jew? What use is putting on a tallit if you slander your neighbor? Why do the Haredim defend the Iowa slaughterhouses as ritually kosher while the the meat was ethically trayf, and employees were mistreated. The Haredim have become so entrenched in ritual mitzvot that they trangress ethical mitzvot regarding gerim. They accuse progressive Jews of picking and choosing mitzvot and Torah when they largely engage in the same practice, but they are Orthodox so they define what is right and wrong.

We ask the age old question, "Who Is A Jew?" I doubt the Haredim today would accept Ruth's conversion if she appeared before them to marry in Israel today! Will the Moshiach ben David be "halachically" Jewish by Israeli Orthodox standards? The Israeli Supreme Court would probably insist on a pro forma conversion, "just to be sure." And he will have to undergo both Sephardic and Ashkenazic conversions just as the Ethiopian Jews to be fully accepted as Jews. Or yet a better scenario: The Chief Rabbi would ask, "Adon Ben David, can you present Ruth's conversion certificate?" Mr. Ben David presents it. The Chief Rabbi responds, "I'm sorry, but the rabbis on the Beth Din are not recognized by the Israeli Rabbinate, Mr. Ben David." Oy Gevalt!

Recently, more than 1,000 of Rabbi Haim Druckman's conversion were nullified. Is there even a halachic precedent for nullifying a conversion? I can think of innumerable halachic problems nullifying a conversion can bring.

The Israeli Rabbinical Court has a list of less than 100 rabbis (not all of whom are living) whose converts they will accept. Israel will not even accept the Beth Din of America's converts anymore! This is such a slap in the face to the American Orthodox Community. What makes Israeli Orthodox Judaism superior? When will the Orthodox Community be on the same page? I thought these are the same people who said there is one Torah, one opinion, one authority, and one halacha. Well, then why are they all on a different page. They must have invalidated their premise that Judaism, even Orthodoxy, is homogenous.

It is expected that the Orthodox will not accept Reform and Conservative conversions. The same arguments they used against Reform and Conservative rabbis are now being used internally against their own Orthodox rabbis. When does this madness and mockery of Torah end?

The fact remains that there is no such thing as a universal conversion even in the Orthodox world. You may be accepted in America, but not in Israel. You may be accepted by Breslov, but not Lubavitch. You may be accepted by the Ashkenazim, but not the Sephardim. The thing is that you're kosher, but you're not glatt kosher. I don't eat glatt kosher, so being merely kosher has always been good enough for me!
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For more information on the Division Between American Orthodoxy and Israeli Orthodoxy: http://www.itim.org.il/_Uploads/dbsAttachedFiles/Jewishweek5.5.06-ChiefRabbinateBarringConversions.pdf
Here is a Conservative responsa regarding the annulment of conversions: http://www.schechter.edu/responsa/0806.htm
For more on conversions: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/lifecycle/Conversion/IdeatoRealization/RabbinicRequirements.htm

Guest Poster: Funny thoughts about my conversion to Judaism

By Kay Ariella McKown
When you’ve decided that you’re going to convert, the kavannah is there, passion is there. What really gets in your way, I think, is the little things. There really needs to be a book written for us (and the BTs) outlining Jewish words slipped into the everyday vernacular. How am I supposed to know, in my first or second trip to my “Local Jewish Community” (LJC) when it is appropriate and timely to slide a “Baruch Hashem” into the conversation? Or what a Kiddush is and when it is appropriate to crash one? We could call it “Schmear: A New Jew’s Guide to Talking, Eating, and Doing Both at the Same Time”.
Better yet, we could create hundreds of new jobs by appointing frum seeing-eye people for the spiritual toddlers. It would save a lot of well-meaning hostesses from having to say things like: “No, NO!! Put the fork in the OTHER side of the sink! Oh, I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that’s a milchig fork and the sink…” while you stand there feeling like a total ass. And you will, potential converts, trust me. Or things like, “Ooh, actually, we can’t do that on Shabbos”, and then five minutes later, “Ooh, actually we can’t do THAT on Shabbos, either”. “Oh, you want to be a singer? Let me tell you about Kol Isha”. (Ok, that example was probably a bit more specific than you needed).

If you’re like me, and you found Judaism rather than being born Jewish, at first you can’t wait to get up in the morning. You’re going to do more mitzvot than anyone else has ever done! Who cares if it ONLY takes you an hour and a half to daven in the morning because halfway through you gave up on the Hebrew and finished in English? All of a sudden, you’ve got a purpose. Or maybe you had purpose before, but NOW you’ve got G-d purpose. What could be more important than that? Hopefully your friends and family are supportive of you. They’ll have to listen to a LOT of Jewish this and Jewish that, and please take a second to appreciate them, because they deserve it if they listen. You’ll find Jewish friends and you’ll hang on their every word because hey, they totally know what it’s like.

Just keep on studying. You’re not subscribing to your neighbor Moshe’s brand of Judaism; you’re subscribing to the truth. Go to the source. And, since you can’t convert without one, I cannot stress enough the importance of finding a good Rabbi that you can talk to. There may be some Rabbi’s in your LJC who don’t do conversions, but if your community is large enough, you’ll be able to find a good fit. Remember, this is the man who will be shepherding your entire conversion process; make it a worthwhile shidduch.

And then it happens–six months or so after you start studying. It stops being exciting - Remember when you got all psyched and proud because instead of having the unkosher potato skin flavor chips, you picked the Utz brand with the OU on it? It won’t always be as inspiring; it’ll start to become common place. So you worry. Maybe this isn’t for you. It IS a big decision. Like a new romance, maybe the bloom has faded from the rose.

You freak out! You’re still making the same choices, still shomer Shabbos, still kosher, still pushing your way through the Hebrew. But it doesn’t have the same sparkle. You might sleep in an hour instead of jumping out of bed to daven right away. You still daven, but you appreciate that extra hour of sleep. What does that mean? Why isn’t it the same? What aren’t you doing right? Answer: Nothing. Calm down. Folks, this is when you should rejoice. Congrats. This has now become a deep-seeded part of your life. It’s all right to have doubts, and its perfectly normal. Converting is a huge step. If you didn’t have any doubts whatsoever, I would be inclined to say that maybe you’re doing something wrong. This is a forever thing, not to be taken lightly. And, if it’s right for you, you will know. And nothing will be able to stop you.

Potential converts, prepare to hear “why we wash our hands before we eat bread” fifteen times. Prepare to spend three hours in the grocery store (unless you’re lucky enough to have a kosher store in your LJC) and emerge with almost nothing. Bid your fond goodbyes to fastfood and learn to love cholent. If you’ve been invited out for Shabbos, prepare beforehand. Look up the Torah portion (better yet, go to Shul), look up some commentary, and prepare to contribute.

Read everything you can. Ask people for books and book recommendations. If you can’t always make it to a class, at least you can still study. Does your Rabbi have an email address? It’s okay to flood his inbox. He would rather you asked the questions. Keep a notebook with you at all times, to jot things down you want to research later. You wouldn’t make a decision like this without being adequately prepared. So read. Hop on the internet and find other converts. Start a support group or something. You’ll need it.