Thursday, May 5, 2011

part 3: socializing with converts

Now I think I'm of overall average appearance, but I do notice I stand out at shul, clearly I do not look like everyone else. I noticed that new people are frequently greeted and asked about their meal plans and invited which I am happy for them. When I was new, I was greeted nicely, small talk at kiddush was and still is made, but not offered an invite even when folks asked who I am eating by. After sticking with it for a while, there are a total of 4 families that have ever extended invites at the shul I go to regularly over the 2 years I attended. The other shul I sometimes go to, just 3 families one time each over the past 2 years, all right after I ask to have my name on the office list (it still is there). Just the rav and one other family ever inquire if I have meal plans for chagim. Yet my Jewish looking friends are offered meals much more frequently. If my friends ask if I can come along to the meal, usually the hosts will agree. But otherwise I have given up on getting invites even when I have explicitly stated I would like plans. It's like I'm a gentile, it is OK to be polite, but no extended socializing like one would with "real" Jews. I am a member of all the big shuls in my neighborhood and help out, so there is no doubt that I am halachically Jewish and not a pre-convert.


  1. How about if you were to invite other people to come to your house instead, would it work?

  2. Michal..

    How many shuls are near you?

    I think it's time to find a new one.

  3. I didn't write this. Though I have gone through a lot of what this writer has gone through, I dealt with it. I now daven at "bais habed." I don't go to shul. There's 4 Ashkenazic shuls in my neighborhood. The most friendly of them is really far and really, I'd rather sleep in. By the time I roll out of bed, services are practically or actually over.

  4. Thats a shame.

    There is no need for you to stay home.

    I hope things will look up for you. No one deserves the cold shoulder treatment. Especially you.

    I know you have stated before that you don't want to move communities. But what other options do you have?

    Shul shopping is great. It's all about finding the right 'fit' for you.