Another Guest post from my anon friend that has been writing the recent posts...
the Kosher Shiksa volunteers or tried to....
My dearest friend is finishing up a practicuum in her graduate studies invited me to help out at her organization's Yom Ha'atzmaut celebration for seniors. The organization was expecting a much larger than normal crowd and thought an extra set of hands would be useful. My friend knew I am (soon to be WAS) active in voluteering and I am pretty good working with older population and liked helping out. She cleared it wouldn't be a problem.
I got up way earlier than normal to come along with my friend. We arrive just as one of the speakers was just starting. Given that it was an early event, the crowd was small, but my friend said most of people there she didn't recognize as regulars. At no time, was I less than right next to my friend. My friend's supervisor invited us to listen to the speaker since their wasn't really much to do to help out at that moment. My friend and I pulled up seats next to each other in the back of the room so we could easily leave when there was something to do.
No sooner did we sit down, did some old hag who had seen us with the supervisor, came over with a clipboard come up in a loud harsh voice wanting to know if I was with anyone and who I was. I thought it was odd that she was staring at me when we were with the supervisor. Clearly I was with my friend, we just pulled our seats together at the back so it would be easy to slip out when it was time to help out. I told her my very obvious Hebrew name (I don't use my secular name except for legal stuff) said I was with my friend who's next to me. My friend chimes in that I was with her to help out and had it cleared by the supervisor.
The hag remarks loudly, "Well, I'll ask you to sign in then. You know with non-Jewish people, you can't be too careful!" Really I was too stunned to say anything snappy, just walked out. My friend came after me and I told her I would leave and catch a car service back and would meet up with her for our later plans. My friend talks me out of leaving and I wind up spending much of the day in someone's office playing computer games until the activities were done with. I wasn't considered threatening hanging out alone in someone's office, but around others I was.
It was rather interesting, there were tons of minority non-Jews, but they were in support positions, caregivers for the elderly or working in the kitchen. Yet, a modestly and professionally dressed blonde woman sitting next to her friend that is interning there (and cleared having me come) is 'suspicious.'
Now someone is going to suggest that I shouldn't be so hard and that it was an isolated situation. Actually it's happened before quite a few times over the years. I'll spare the details, only to say that I'm repeatedly told it's nothing I do/don't do, and that I "shouldn't take it personally." I guess there's no need for a shiksa (the beit din clearly made a mistake in converting me) to help out. We're really not part of the community anways.
I know someone will tell me to grow thicker skin. Believe converts go through much and it's part of the training. I overlook much, try to think positive as much as I possibly can, but I simply can't continue deluding myself. The message I keep hearing over the years and now even more frequently is "GO AWAY!" Whether it is a different neighborhood, out of town, out of town telling me to go to NYC or go to Israel, whereever I am at, I need to leave. There's no need for a shiksa in whatever community I'm in.
Oh and happy Yom Ha'atzmaut, hope everyone else's was better than mine..