Another Guest post from my anon friend that has been writing the recent posts...
the Kosher Shiksa volunteers or tried to....
My dearest friend is finishing up a practicuum in her graduate studies invited me to help out at her organization's Yom Ha'atzmaut celebration for seniors. The organization was expecting a much larger than normal crowd and thought an extra set of hands would be useful. My friend knew I am (soon to be WAS) active in voluteering and I am pretty good working with older population and liked helping out. She cleared it wouldn't be a problem.
I got up way earlier than normal to come along with my friend. We arrive just as one of the speakers was just starting. Given that it was an early event, the crowd was small, but my friend said most of people there she didn't recognize as regulars. At no time, was I less than right next to my friend. My friend's supervisor invited us to listen to the speaker since their wasn't really much to do to help out at that moment. My friend and I pulled up seats next to each other in the back of the room so we could easily leave when there was something to do.
No sooner did we sit down, did some old hag who had seen us with the supervisor, came over with a clipboard come up in a loud harsh voice wanting to know if I was with anyone and who I was. I thought it was odd that she was staring at me when we were with the supervisor. Clearly I was with my friend, we just pulled our seats together at the back so it would be easy to slip out when it was time to help out. I told her my very obvious Hebrew name (I don't use my secular name except for legal stuff) said I was with my friend who's next to me. My friend chimes in that I was with her to help out and had it cleared by the supervisor.
The hag remarks loudly, "Well, I'll ask you to sign in then. You know with non-Jewish people, you can't be too careful!" Really I was too stunned to say anything snappy, just walked out. My friend came after me and I told her I would leave and catch a car service back and would meet up with her for our later plans. My friend talks me out of leaving and I wind up spending much of the day in someone's office playing computer games until the activities were done with. I wasn't considered threatening hanging out alone in someone's office, but around others I was.
It was rather interesting, there were tons of minority non-Jews, but they were in support positions, caregivers for the elderly or working in the kitchen. Yet, a modestly and professionally dressed blonde woman sitting next to her friend that is interning there (and cleared having me come) is 'suspicious.'
Now someone is going to suggest that I shouldn't be so hard and that it was an isolated situation. Actually it's happened before quite a few times over the years. I'll spare the details, only to say that I'm repeatedly told it's nothing I do/don't do, and that I "shouldn't take it personally." I guess there's no need for a shiksa (the beit din clearly made a mistake in converting me) to help out. We're really not part of the community anways.
I know someone will tell me to grow thicker skin. Believe converts go through much and it's part of the training. I overlook much, try to think positive as much as I possibly can, but I simply can't continue deluding myself. The message I keep hearing over the years and now even more frequently is "GO AWAY!" Whether it is a different neighborhood, out of town, out of town telling me to go to NYC or go to Israel, whereever I am at, I need to leave. There's no need for a shiksa in whatever community I'm in.
Oh and happy Yom Ha'atzmaut, hope everyone else's was better than mine..
As long as you're Jewish on papers, does it really matter if all other Jews out there know or not that you're Jewish? Besides, imagine a diff. scenario: you're in an antisemitic crowd, would you really want antisemitic people to point fingers at you and say this is a Jew? You may be able to be unnoticed there, and during Holocaust times in the ghetto resistance movement in Poland, Jews who had Aryan features were able to smuggle in food for their brethren by passing as Polish. But someone who has semitic features would stand out immediately. Jewish children in hiding who did not have blonde hair and blue eyes like Polish children had trouble b/c the neighbors were picking on them for being Jewish and they would threaten on telling to the authorities Jewish children are hiding. So in a way, you actually have an advantage, that is you can be Jewish in incognito mode.
ReplyDeleteIf I was at that event, with people that knew I'm Jewish, I would've done 2 things either asked the elderly woman if the papers are only for non-Jews or for Jews also? and if she would've said for non-Jews only, I would've told her well, I'm Jewish so I can't sign it unless you really want me to do it anyway. Or I would've said nothing, and just signed in the papers the way that woman told you and not said anything, wouldnt have the other people in the room be like what are you doing, you're Jewish? It's not like it was something official and she would've taken your Jewish identity away. Besides, you say she was elderly, do you really want to argue with elderly people even when they're wrong? just let it be. by the way, there are born Jews out there who are very sensitive about saying they're Jewish and don't even tell it to their Jewish friends or anyone else, they'd rather pass as goyim in certain circumstances.