Thursday, October 22, 2009

Shidduch crisis on VIN

So, one of the blogreaders sent me this article:

One comment, comment #125, I found interesting.
Anonymous Says:Says:
“ Halacha requires a man to marry in order to procreate, and if he hasn't yet fulfilled the Mitzva to "be fruitful and multiply" he is required to divorce his wife if it becomes apparent that she cannot bear children.

Can anyone explain then why shaddconim, apparently with the sanction of many Rabbis, regularly encourage healthy men in their 40s and 50s to accept shidduchim with women who are well beyond childbearing age? If they were already married the halacha would call for them to divorce, any yet in today's day and age these are the only women who are being suggested to such men (I know from personal experience)!

Clearly a major part of the 'shidduch crisis' is because women are now being openly discouraged from marrying older men - a problem contributed to by the sentiment in the proclamation signed by these 60 Rabbis.

Women today are being taught to give no thought to their own ticking time-clock, which naturally makes them incapable of having children at a much younger age than men. If we would go back to Torah-based priorities there would be much less problems.”

I respond to this man.

There you have it!

Men figure that they are supposed to have children so they just dig in their heels and refuse to give serious consideration to age-appropriate women. They wait until they are over 40 and then they say, "but, I want to have children, so I need a younger woman."

I suspect the difference in the numbers isn't as bad as people think. For one thing, while there is always a ton more women on the shadchans' lists that go around. Wouldn't that happen if women were getting on 10 lists and men were only getting on 2? I think that men are less likely to go to a shadchan because they want a girl based on her being young and pretty. It seems like men tell me their friend is getting married and they say, "she is X number of years younger than him." What does she do? Where is from? They don't know. They only know if she's young.

I see a trend that Ashkenaz men are willing to marry non-American women, such as Bukharian, Georgian and Hispanic girls they take in to the rabbi for conversion. However, American women are not interested in these men (if you know any, you know why).

The fact that modern people aren't getting married because they already getting it on, is a contributing factor. I think those who marry younger, though, are more likely to cheat. It's usually men from Boro Park on Craigslist looking for someone. I doubt they are single.

The other problem is that, come on, people said this, they keep telling men there's more of them than women, it's a crisis so the men get pickier and pickier because they figure they can. Women, like me, figure we will stay single before we will spend the rest of our lives with someone we don't want.

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