Sunday, September 12, 2010

Inside the Orthodox Men's Sex World

So, over the past week, such as erev yontiff and on yontiff, I learned some hot gossip and happenings. In particular, I've heard from some Orthodox men and some OTD men about the Orthodox sex world or lack thereof. Apparently, they are being cracked down on. First thing I heard from several men is that Craiglist received some big crackdown and now they don't know where to find the cheapest whores. I'm told that for some Frumster has become the new Craiglist. I also heard from an inside source that the website of choice for others is whatever version of is going on. One chubby guy was begging me and asking me if I had any friends for him. 

I'm not sure how successful the Orthodox men are at getting it. I am, however, very sure they are trying. A guy was able to tell me something that he found out by accident. He was in an official building taking care of something (not that) in downtown Brooklyn and repeatedly seeing these Jewish men all headed in the same direction. A couple of the guys asked him if he was there for the "program." Well, you know how us Jews are, we like to have information. So, he followed the crew of Orthodox, mostly Chasidic men and asked someone about the room to where they were all heading. It turns out, this "program" was for those who got caught soliciting prostitution. Oy, vey! Meanwhile, I bet these wives thought their husbands were off "learning Torah." This is what women are supposed to financially support the household for?


  1. Can you describe your "inside sources" ?

  2. Inside sources..... no, I think that's enough information for the public. How can people trust me if I start divulging them?

  3. This is sadly nothing new under the sun. There were small-time rabbis in Spain in the 1400s who approved -- or even helped fund -- all-Jewish houses of ill repute -- "so when the bachelors and idiots get into trouble, they'll avoid the horrible sin of consorting with a married woman, or the danger of getting burned at the stake because of getting involved with a Christian woman." (Source: Akeidat Yitzchak, essay on S'dom, parshat Vayeira.)

    The more interesting question is -- in which segments of the Orthodox population is this more of a problem? Those with more traditional or more modern gender roles? Those with more positive or negative official attitudes towards sex? Those with more frank premarital counseling and education, or those with a more "tzinus" approach?

    See for instance this:

  4. Just because a few Haredi men visit prostitutes doesnt mean its widespread.

    Most catholic priests arent pedaphiles either

    If there are 100,000 Haredi men in NYC and 500 of them have used a prostitute , Granted 500 is alot of people but thats still on 1/2 of 1% of all Haredi Men in NYC.

    Frankly I have heard from a very reliable source of Hasidic men trolling the village voice personals for gay sex, but it doesnt mean its widespread.

    I also find it strange that orthodox men are more than willing to talk to you about sex than they are to each other.

    Of course Sex talk among orthodox men occurs but Ive NEVER heard anyone even mention a hooker.

  5. I have no idea how much of that is really going on, but I know very well the reasons why it might be. Education in the frum community is totally messed up when it comes to sex. Girls are taught to expect to marry men who learn Torah and look, sound, and act frum. They are assured that such a man will be as committed to the laws of taharas hamishpacha as they are. They are taught that if they guard their modesty, their husbands will have no desire to look outside the marriage.
    Meanwhile the boys are learning that their future wives, virgins of course, will magically transform into sex goddesses on the wedding night - and back to nuns as soon as they leave the bedroom. And from the earliest age, they are told that touching themselves is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! They are instilled with such a horror of it that they won't even aim while in the bathroom. And they somehow get the twisted idea into their heads that any alternative, including coercing their wives to bend the laws of taharas hamishpacha, is better than applying a little self-help. So of course, if their wives don't like that idea - or if their wives don't live up to the expectation of being both the virgin and the whore - some men will look outside the marriage. Of course, being constantly assaulted by the surrounding culture's message that sex is the only thing worth living for doesn't help.