Sunday, September 12, 2010

More clarification on the Lashon Hara about me...

So, I thought I would expand upon the earlier post.

It seems as though, a good 3 to 4 years ago while I was in the process, someone started by saying that I wasn't serious about my conversion. Now I know that this is why my process was dragged out. It's funny because I keep running into girls who are sleeping around while in the process. One girl wasn't just sleeping around, but dating a mormon. She gave her number to anyone. I would say she wasn't serious. Another girl asked me if they would check if she had her period when she went to the mikveh for conversion, as well as the fact that I overheard her on the phone degrading Jews.

Nevertheless, I have remained the bad guy.

Recently, you all saw the whole story of how I posted on my Facebook status that I was looking for hospitality in Brooklyn so that I don't have to be in a bind regarding my last class which ends at 4:55 pm. I got a message from someone (married guy, actually) who does NOT live in Brooklyn reacting as if I had messaged him and put him on the spot. Then he got back to me by phone, that he found Monsey. When I said that wouldn't work, he went on and on over and over again, emphasizing that I had an ORTHODOX conversion.

See now I understand what was going on. He heard this gossip that I was not serious and he was reacting basedon that. Here's the problem with that: If I was not serious when I converted, why did I convert? If I had a boyfriend that I was hiding, I would have been married by now. Why have I turned down countless non religious or barely religious guys that the community/shadchans have pushed on me? Furthermore, I challenge anyone who says this about me, to back themselves up. Honestly, I can't even imagine where it could have legitimately come from. No one in my community really took the time to get to know me while I was in the process. According to my source, it came from where I live and it came from a rabbi's mouth. I pretty much know what rabbi they are talking about. He barely talked to me. I suppose he was taking the word of women who don't keep Shabbos or kosher...

Also, I want to point out this is supposed to be old gossip that never died, so the argument that it comes from my experience of being soured on the religion in the last couple months is invalidated.


  1. It's a test from Hashem Michal. Not minimizing the pain for you in any way.

    But since Bais Din has converted you according to Halocho, I don't understand how people can give this any credence.

  2. I can understand what you are going through.
    I'm also a thirty-something female living in NYC and floundering here as a convert. Gossip hurts. People pick that my Orthodox conversion isn't valid enough (I personally know people from the same bais din have made aliyah and married in Israel, but that's not kosher enough for NYC) or that I'm not sincere and they don't even know me. Just like you, the only matches I am offered are bums that are 15-20 years older that expect to be financially supported. I've given up on hosptiality due to comments. Fortunately I am tolerated at Chabad and a couple of friends.

    I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

  3. Yeah, I've heard that a million times. I'm sorry. I don't buy it. People are not supposed to speak lashon hara and it's really cute when they do and then say it's from HaShem when they do. HaShem wouldn't use a violation of halacha like that. He doesn't permit rabbis to break halacha, but not lay persons.

    That's exactly my point, people feel they have the right to be judge and jury and don't even acknowledge that there are rabbis who had more information than they do differently. I didn't learn all that I learned not being serious. I learned it sitting down and reading books and studying from computer programs and recordings (my Hebrew learning). I went to countless classes in Manhattan. It infuriates me that people who don't know me well or at all should be running their mouthes to the contrary. They should have something I did or said to back themselves up. They don't and they don't care. They just heard it from someone else who heard it from someone else... and so on. People need to stop checking their broccoli and water for bugs and instead check their hearts and mouthes for bugs. In case we're not clear, lashon hara is a bug.

  4. "...rabbis who had more information than they do differently"

    That was written clumsy. It should say something like, the rabbis had more information than them (bais din) judged me differently (conversion).

    They will just keep on though. They will keep serving and eating me with their chulent. No one knows what halacha is judged above the others, but I wouldn't be surprised if HaShem put a priority on LH, in particular LH like this for the purpose of turning an entire community on someone. Meanwhile, they tell the new comers to town how they are "concerned about me." Since when is it your place to be concerned about me? Furthermore, when you're REALLY concerned about someone, you tell someone who just moved in 6 months ago about it? You tell people that don't know me? When I met you two or three times, is it your place to be concerned about me?

  5. I agree that Loshon Hora is completely unjustified, not trying to take away any responsibility from people who speak Loshon Hora.

  6. 8:42pm Thank you, it's nice to hear. YOu can Email me, if you want. If you click on the about me tab there's an Email over there.

  7. I have heard of many years of waiting for some conversions. I have a friend who got a degree in computer science from Berkley and was offered jobs from the top high tech companies in the USA (including Motorola). He refused it all to begin to convert to Judaism. He is now in Uman by the ziun of rebbi nachman and learns there Gemara and Rambam and seems t have found some place of stability and relative happiness. He had been before that reading the Bible and had decided there were too many contradictions between the old and New Testament. From my point of view to be quite frank with you. I can see his point but I don’t see why someone would convert because of problems in their faith. -- But he seems to have a nose for quality. He pays no attention to all the second rate nonsense books in Judaism and concentrates on the quality books (Tenach, Gemara, Tosphot, Maimonidees.)
    On the other side of the coin there is Dr Schlesinger that converted and was given the cold shoulder treatment and dropped out.
    As for myself, I think Jews should be Jews, and Christians should be Christians (because there are certain paths which lead to God and changing one path for another usually does not work) and when it comes to problems in ones faith he or she should just look for the a priori values inside the religion.
    AS for your situation I really don’t know. At the risk of sounding like a crazed religious fanatic perhaps I can suggest something I learned from based on the books of rebbi nachman)? Perhaps it would help if you would talk with God and tell him your problems and frustrations and plead for his guidance. I suggest you put yourself in God’s hands at the beginning and end of every day and remember that you are only in his hands and not in the hands of people. I believe He will send to you his guidance someday if you are stubborn to ask his support and advice. I believe all the lashon Hara on you will turn to good. Every word spoken against you will give you new strength. You have nothing to fear-ever.

  8. I'm the original Anon. A while back I actually tried to add you on fb referencing your blog and group. Earlier I was trying to start a meal/accommodations hospitality group. Had a few people over from time to time, but it never really got off the ground, sort of disappointing.

  9. If you added my Michal Tastik FB, you shouldn't have had a problem. I've tried to host people and no one wants to come stay with a single girl. Plus, I can't take people to families for meals because I don't know any in my neighborhood of 3 and a half years.

  10. BTW, that's why I recommend people take some sort of alias other than "anon." For example, we have the curmudgeonly Israeli gyoret who comes around everyone once and a while. If I were taking an alias, maybe I'd be Queens girl 1 or something like that.

  11. Michal,

    You're comments have started an interesting discussion on Harry Maryles' blog. I also note that he has touched on the "deep pain" that he senses from your words.

    In light of this aforementioned pain, I wonder if you have any thoughts on Yoseph Robinson, and the portrait that has been painted since his murder of his life in the community. Even his non-Jewish family acknowledge that he was indescribably happy....and I am certain he encountered tons of similar discrimination that you describe.

    Food for thought. Probably deserving of a post in its own right.

    Gmar Chasima Tova,