I came across this article online about a woman named Tamar. She was desperate to have somewhere to go on Shabbos. She wanted a family to make her a weekly fixture at their Shabbos table.
NO ONE replied.
I take that back. A man replied. The article doesn't really say why she turned the man down after spending 45 minutes on the phone with him.
I've seen many single women who are BTs and converts pushing their way into a family they borrow on Shabbos or Yontiff. I tried to find a family of my own like that but, too many times did I see others who weren't really welcome to intrude upon the family they think has adopted them. One woman says to me about another convert that frequented her Shabbos table, "she thinks she's a part of our family..." Yet another convert gleefully told me about a month post-conversion that she figures one of the families she goes to for meals will find her a man. Little did she know the family she mainly went to thought she was about twenty years older than I am and she's actually younger. I don't know what happened with that, perhaps she did find someone through them or another family that had her to their Shabbos table.
Seeing all of this, I thought to myself, if this is what they are sharing about another convert, what do they think of these other converts that they aren't slipping up and telling me? I can only imagine! Furthermore, as an intelligent women, I drew conclusions about what they would be saying about me and even more so about what they don't EVEN say about me but that they think. I know husbands and wives sit around and talk about their Shabbos guests they don't like after they leave. They will deny it, too.
So, I commented on this article and explained to the woman that no one is going to "adopt" her, as she wants. People feel like it's on us single women to find someone. The problem with that is that most men aren't really trying to get married. So, who are we supposed to marry?