Thursday, March 31, 2011

Mr. Phone date.... Highlights from the Email exchanges...

I know this is a little old, but I read these to my friend who was like, "that's too funny NOT to put it on your blog." So, here we go... highlights from the frigid to meet and some snarky comments with which I did or didn't reply.

Simply put:
I'm not interested in hearing gossip or being the topic of gossip.

That's funny, cuz this is the guy that told me all about his exs, even some woman he never met.
I'm not interested in drama.
Which is why every Email I sent, he replied with a book to it.

A person is always a stranger until you get to know the person, and the only way you get to know the person is by talking.
The rest of the world does this in person.
Many a Rabbi of every denomination DENOMINATION? Buddy, are you sure you're Jewish? and secular scholars have all lectured about the same: The cornerstone of any relationship is communication, which is something that a married couple with a healthy relationship will spend most of their time doing, every day for the rest of their lives IN PERSON. In fact, it is the one activity that they do more than anything else. If that activity is too bothersome for you now, why would one expect you to embrace it everyday with happiness & joy for the rest of your life?  There is a difference between communicating and expecting someone you've never met to sit on the phone with you EVERY day for two to four hours. Also, body language is a huge part of communicating. I'm thinking this guy likes to lie because it's harder to lie when the other party can read your body language.

I recall a Rabbi giving a long shiur (lecture) Nice condescention! I know what a shiur is about religious people dating and during his lecture in front of hundreds of single people he advised the various techniques to avoid girls manipulating dates into meal tickets & the like. Yes, he described this to an audience made up of about 50% women. He strongly recommended to begin the process of elimination of people who were not yet serious about getting married by talking on the telephone No he didn't. The religious practice is to only use the phone to make the date and nothing else as a means to remove all other incentives from the dating process such as free meals, because those who were not genuinely serious about marriage, and instead interested in the free meal buddy if you're that worried about a woman leaching off of you how do you expect to support a stay at home wife and not think of her as a leach?, would quickly disappear rather than spend the time to get to know the guy. Ergo, if she protests too much, her priority is something else Yeah, I wanna know if you're lying to me, I want to read your body language. He also suggested a wide range of alternatives, including: Airport dates that sounds more like it (though I have never done that), going dutch (to remove the incentive for the free meal), etc. For me it's about not wasting my time (Bitul Zman is a sin) wasting time? You mean getting dressed and leaving the house? The time on the phone is as long as a date, which I consider the most precious thing that I have. I don't want to spend oodles of time, only to learn that it was just a game. So I guess that your panel of advisors who tell you that 2 conversations focused on getting to know one another for the sake of Kiddushin is "cuckoo" is:

wrong because it is for the sake of the mitzvah of trying to get married; This is not how you get married unless you're not in the same city.

and is really saying that the various Rabbi's and other authorities who have advocated for the same are "cuckoo" as well. No Orthodox rabbi has advised this. You are lying or twisting the truth. This is no surprise from one who is afraid of their date seeing his body language.

Again, I'm not interested in the drama (Your life is filled with a lot) my life is boring. you're the one dating anorexics & bulimics who run up credit cards, hearing the gossip (i.e. about your landlady) and I didn't hear any from you?, or being the subject of gossip I really wonder if this guy found my blog: I'm just looking to get to know a mature (not someone who needs a panel of advisors), motivated (a motivated person would diligently work at a relationship every day), marriage oriented (she'd be focused on learning as much about me as possible) person to determine if we're meant to be together. After all, "a successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day." - Andre' Maurois

Something that's important, one makes time to do. Obviously, this is not a priority unless whatever other agenda of yours is also achieved. Nope I don't have 4 hours a day to spend on the phone with someone I've never met and doesn't want to meet me-not even 2 hours. It works both ways, it's obviously not important to you to meet me.

This past week, I responded to another girl/woman who then immediately moved to speak by phone, whereupon we spoke day after day (I called her, she called me and we spent many hours talking to learn about one another. One conversation was 13 hours long lasting all night) seriously who has that kind of time? Does she not have anything else going on in her life?, and then we got together on Saturday night and visited the Brooklyn Museum for their First Saturday Program. While she continues to pursue me, I don't think that we're a good match for reasons not worth mentioning, as I have honestly described to her. I'm sure you'll complain to the next woman about whatever you feel was wrong with her AND me.

 ....Clearly your agenda is different from mine: You don't return calls, and days go by before you respond to e-mails because you were acting like we were already in a relationship and I hadn't met you yet. In contrast, the woman from last week, works all day, goes to graduate school at night and in between nevertheless made time to speak to me day after day I don't buy it maybe she takes one class but I doubt she's all that busy because she wouldn't have time for sleep. I'm very busy & successful in all my endeavors and don't have time for someone who wants to play games which is why I don't have time for you. You play games. Refusing to meet is a game. I'm looking for an Ezer K'Negdo who doesn't create drama and keep saying she can't or doesn't want to, but rather someone who will rise to the occasion and make the effort to make it work. I have found that she's not the exception, but rather she' s the norm You mean you date desperate women who drop everything in their life for a guy including fail classes? Yeah, I've seen women like that.: You're the exception, and again I have no idea what your agenda is. Just want to meet a nice normal guy... You're not him.

Thank you for your time, and I hope you find that which you are seeking. Oh spare me!


  1. chaim says
    looking for something greater
    what exactly are you looking for

  2. Something more real than long phone conversations with someone I never meet- that's what I'm looking for.

    Chaim? Chaim ONE?

  3. Good grief! Talk about entitled, self-centered ... ?!

    Michal, did you encounter guys like this in the general population before you joined the tribe? With greater or lesser frequency than now? (Of course now they claim religious motivation for their self-centered entitlement ...) Ugh ugh ugh.

  4. I'm sure I would have enjoyed this post, or laughed a bit at the asininity of some of the people you've gone on dates with, but I got a huge headache trying to read it. Would you be so kind as to change the colors to something that's easier on the eyes? :P

  5. I changed the purple to a burgundy. Does this work for you? I was going for a feminine tone for myself and blue for him.

    former KGH, Mostly, I encountered guys who wanted sex right away before. I don't think I ever encountered anything like this. The guy I was supposed to marry, the issue there was his parents being overbearing and in the way.

  6. Boy, even spending three hours playing cards would have been preferable to hours on the phone. Mr. Phone Date needs to see the movie Kitty Foyle. As do you.

  7. Good thing you didn't go for him. What would he do, phone in the wedding?