Hat tip to my online friend Hannah for this list.
Here are our top 10.
Michal's responses are in eye-talics... that's right italics
10. A bean supper will be held Wednesday evening in the community
center. Music will follow.
...provided, of course by those who have just finished eating...
9. Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.
When the rabbi's away, the staff and congregants will play.
8. Goldblum will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Talk about a transplant!
7. We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Yeah, that's right. We want you paper trained like good little puppies....
6. If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!
Kol isha! However, the men will stick their fingers in their ears, "la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, lalala, la, la, la, la, la, lalala"
5. Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
I thought that's what the kiddush club was for!
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
I guess this applies to men, as women are generally aware that they passed at least five pounds out of a tiny orafice.
3. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.
Some juicy stuff going on at that shul....
2. The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
Strip club? The men will come to watch and then stone them to death so there's no witnesses.
1. The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's new fundraising campaign slogan this week: "I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours."
And if you don't like my little comments in italics....