Monday, February 1, 2010

If you would have told me then that in 2010...

I don't celebrate the secular New Year's, as many of my readers also do not, so you will have to excuse the fact that this post is about a month late. Nevertheless, as I look forward to the new semester, I am glancing back, as well.

If you would have told me back in the 1970's where I would be in 2010, I would have been too young and the whole thing would have evaded my mind.

If you would have told me in the early 1980's that there would be available these little clear plastic things I can stick into my eyes to see fine without glasses and that I would wear glasses instead, I would never have believed you. You see, I hated my glasses so much and I used to hide them. One time my mother couldn't find them and she promised a popsicle or something like to any kid who could find them. All the neighborhood kids were looking.

If you would have told me in 1984 that I would someday move to New York City in hopes of becoming a professional actress, I would have believed it. You see, it was around 1984, that I had a solo in "songs from Oliver!" at school. I was the flower girl. If you told me that I would give it up to become a religious Jewish girl, I would have been perplexed. I had never even met a Jew and organized religion was something foreign to me.

If you would have told me in the late 1980's that in 2010, I would be in college studying a math-heavy major, I would have told you there was no way. At one point, Math was my worst subject. I was a year behind in Math and a year ahead in Reading and Spelling. Nevertheless, in 1991, I stunned myself. I went from being a student who could barely pass Math to gettng in the 90's.

If you would have told me in 1990, that in a couple years, my mother would stop speaking to her sister, I would have said, "never!"

If you would have told me in 1991 that my grandmother was going to outlive my mother, you would have been met with a stunned silence, this was just not possible.

If you would have told me 1991 or 1992, that I was going go to college for something Math heavy, I still wouldn't have believed you. You see, I figured this new found Math-ability was a freak accident. Besides, I already had figured out that I was going to go to Houghton College and major in French/Spanish education. Well, I came in one end but, never really came out the other end on that one. Who would have thought? Surely not me!

If you would have told me in 1992, that my mother was going to leave this world in a year, I would have known it was true. You see, I had a dream, no not a Martin Luther King kinda dream, but a creepy glimpse into the future that my mother was going to pass. Of course, I put it out of my mind. Although, I remembered this once again when I heard those fateful words, "they don't think she's going to make it through this surgery."

If you would have told me in 1996, that I would someday convert to Judaism, I would have believed that one. This is when I first started thinking about converting. I left Xtianity and the Xtian college. I didn't pusue conversion, I didn't want to jump from one religion to another and figured if I still wanted to convert later, then perhaps it would be more than a passing fancy.

If you would have told me in 1997 that I would join the Army in two years, I wouldn't have believed that one for sure, even though, I had been in ROTC. I was only in ROTC because a friend convinced me to join.

If you have told me in 1998 that I was going to live in San Antonio, TX from February 2001 to April of 2002, I wouldn't have known what to say to that.

If you would have told me in 2000 that in a year, the World Trade Center was going down, I would have said "impossible," even though I had never been to New York City.

If you told me 2001, that I would go back to college but change my major to Business with a concentration in Marketing, I would have believed you. In the late 1990's, I formed this current new career goal of marketing or marketing research.

If you would have told me in 2002, that after two years of living back in Buffalo, I would move to New York City, perhaps I would have come straight here. I had always been thinking about living here...

If you would have told me in 2004, that I should go back to college, I would have refused. I was burned out from trying to attain that goal and I had given up.

If you would have told me in 2005, that I would drop acting to become a religious Jewish girl, I might have believed you. It was only a year later that I did so, by now I was at an age where time has started to move faster... or seem to, at least. Besides which, I had thought of converting back in 1996, remember?

If you told me on July 16, 2008 that my father was to die of throat cancer in just over a year, there's no way I would have believed that one. I likely would have stammered, "he doesn't-he never smoked." Furthermore, if you would have told me that he was going to marry his girlfriend at the time, I would have raised my eyebrows, "I don't know...."

If you would have told me in 2009 that at two o'clock in the morning on February 2, 2010, I'd be posting on my blog, somehow, I don't doubt that I would have believed that.

I no longer try to plan my life. I plan to keep kosher and Shabbos and the rest... well, I guess the rest I find out as my life unfolds. I mean, I do hope to graduate, soon enough, I hope. Although, I think time might just slow back down for that one... you know how it is... time is funny like that.

1 comment: