Sunday, February 28, 2010

Who do you eat by? Where do you daven?

I made a mistake when I picked out my Jewish neighborhood and because of it, I'll not get a shiduch until I graduate college and move. Where I live is the next neighborhood over from a nice vibrant Orthodox and observant area. However, where I live... well, the shuls are Orthodox. I saw in the shul for Purim many observant-looking women with their children but, since the women don't normally come to shul, how would I get into families for meals? Well, it seems like the sane thing to do would be to contact the shul's office and the rabbi and ask to have meals arranged for me. I have tried this to no avail. Eventually, I gave up. Then I tried to find people online. I found one couple who's children were in their 20's and living elsewhere. At the point that this woman screamed at me that no one wants to host people and I'm not welcome here. Ok, I'm done. Oh, but, I started college shortly after this. So, I figured that I would move near my college. I was all set to move until I realized the place was completely misrepresented to me. So, I backed out of the move.

I just ran into a woman from the community outside my house. She was walking her dog and I was coming in from the megillah reading. Although, I had stopped at the grocery store and Pizza Palace Cafe for food and drink, so perhaps she was at the same megillah reading but, in one of the other women's sections. I flapped my giant Purim hand a "hello." She greeted me, "I thought you moved?" "Nope, I didn't end up moving." "Well, are you happy here... there's no singles here." "I'm looking for families. I find single women to be catty." "Men? Don't you want to meet single men?" "They don't want me. I'm on Frumster. They don't want me there."

I have to rant here because I get turned down for Shidduchim all the time ... because the men start asking who I eat by and where I daven. I have to explain that I stay home because I was told Im not welcomed here and I don't want to move to ghetto Ocean Ave in Brooklyn. At which point, the men kindly claim they will call back and that is the last that I hear from them. We have a real backwards society, us Jews. Normally, men are supposed to want the women and WORK for us. Remember? In the Torah, Yaakov WORKED for Rachel fourteen years, really because he worked seven for her then her father pulled bait and switch deciding that he should first take Leah whom Yaakov didn't want and yet Yaakov worked another seven for her again. The men should have such respect for women nowadays. Instead, us women are asked to throw ourselves at men to the extent that we should move. Meanwhile, some men complain that the women are too picky. Yet these same men turn me down, like a guy on Frumster who is two years older than me always pissing and moaning in the forum. However, he won't date a convert and he won't date anyone under a certain height...

10 comments:

  1. That's just plain stupid! Someone won't date you because you don't live in his community?! I could understand if you lived hours away, but, if you live close enough to travel by subway, that's not really far.

    I've never heard of men turning down a woman because she wasn't tall enough! I've heard of women who make height a big deal. I castigate both of them. Height is a very shallow (no pun intended) reason to reject someone.

    As hurtful as it is to be rejected for such outlandish reasons, the good news is at least you aren't in a relationship with these guys. They sound horrid and unworthy.

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  2. Michal Tastik, don't be monastic.
    Join my shul, it's cool.
    And my rav's house, have a look.
    You may find a good book.

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  3. "I found one couple who's children were in their 20's and living elsewhere. At the point that this woman screamed at me that no one wants to host people and I'm not welcome here."

    WHO are these people????!!!!! This is so utterly beyond anything in my normal experience I don't even know what to say. Is it safe to assume that there's a touch of...... maybe mental illness in this person??!

    I'm simply aghast that somebody could say something like that -- and I'm also tempted to recommend her to the cherem committee for expedited consideration.

    It's too bad that we no longer have a beit din that's authorized to administer lashes...

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  4. Please, the women around menopause age are always like that. I think cuz Im pretty

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  5. There is probably a whole segment of the population caught in this bind. I.e., people who care a lot about the type of community they're in, but who somehow make the "wrong" choice.

    I made the wrong choice twice myself in major moves, including for my undergraduate college. That was an extremely bitter experience.

    I'm so sorry this happened. I wish there was a sympathetic Rav involved, but he seems to be absent here.

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  6. The Curmudgeonly Israeli Giyoret says--

    I'm a menopausal age woman, I'm overstressed and I work horrible shifts and Fridays, and I would never scream at you or anybody else that no one wants to host people. I might be embarassed at the simple spread and the messy house, , but if what you need is s the home more than the hosting, I don't know what this woman is all upset about. Feh on her.

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  7. >>"Please, the women around menopause age are always like that. I think cuz Im pretty"

    Well, at least you're kinda getting a backhanded compliment out of it... :-]

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  8. Please, the women around menopause age are always like that. I think cuz Im pretty

    LOL! You've got moxie!

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  9. I should have been named Roxie...
    Cuz I've got me so much moxie!

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  10. "However, he won't date a convert and he won't date anyone under a certain height..."
    Sounds like he's the one with the problem. At least you know that this particular idiot isn't your bashert. I think someone should remind these "gentlemen" that the mitzvah of pr'u ur'evu is on them, and if they don't smarten up, they'll get to Shamayim and have to explain to the A-mighty why they didn't get married and have kids.
    Someone should also remind them that most women DO NOT WANT older guys. If they wait too long, the only women who will look at them will be past menopause. Too late.

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