Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The same sweet acquaintance thinks I'm (my guest poster) offering too much...

The person from yesterday's post had a second wind and sent another Email. This is where the real laughing starts down at the bottom....

Maybe not in a seductive way but by traveling a long distance and making too many concessions, for example.
Funny thing is that in the communities us women are told to make these concessions to try to meet someone. I don't make them. My friends that try making them don't meet anyone, either, but they are substantially more frustrated than I am.

Why are you meeting these losers?
Well, we don't know the guys are losers before we meet them. A nice picture is painted of them to us by these people who we are supposed to think of as our friends, that is the backstabbing Jewish from birth women married to an age appropriate men who only have us over for a Shabbos meal when there's a dirty old man on the prowl to invite, too or up to otherwise ka-niving bitchy trickery that they hope will bring them money from the guy/his mother.

You are either looking in the wrong way, in the wrong places or you are presenting yourself in the wrong way. If the most religious men won't consider a convert then those are the wrong circles.

Ah! She speaks some sense! However, as I said before an example: Mr. Phone Date was Conservadox, but dated any Jewish woman. He complained that a Reform woman didn't have a strong Jewish education (um, duh?) she had told him she had a Jewish education and he never clarified what that meant. I think it meant Shabbos meals and stuff and he didn't feel that was enough. With me, I presented myself as a BT without actually lying and saying so point blank. I told him I was raised secular and became religous about four years ago. He commented over and over again that looking at my pictures, I don't look Jewish. He must have suspected that I was either a gyoress or wanting to convert and I was not even Jewish. I don't get it though. Guys will date non Jews and bring them in for a conversion, why can't an already converted find someone?

I knew a Persian Israeli guy from a very religious family and he was very seriously interested and wanted to marry.
wanted to marry her-my acquaintance? Or was hoping she would find him a really young American student? Yep, I've gotten cynical and jaded.

Anything is possible if the man is in love. This is the key. You can do everything for a man and if he is not in love with you it is probably useless. When a man wants to be with you you literally need do nothing.

Yeah, I actually know this.

These other women maybe through seduction are creating that kind of reaction. You don't meed to do that but you need to find men who will want you. Did you get advice from
Other women in the community?

Here is where the laughing begins!!! Yep, the women in the community gave as advice to take any disgusting piece of trash with no job, 50plus years old and abusive types... as long as he likes me.

What about a matchmaker?

I've tried that. They are emotionally abusive. They tell me no one will want me because my parents are dead, I'm a convert, don't make enough money and so on. They are right, but they don't have to be mean about it. One wasn't. She agreed with me that the Orthodox men are out of line with their expectations. My exact words were something like, "the men who are single want what's not reasonable to want. You can't find me anything because there's no one who wants what I am, despite the fact that I'm an intelligent, analytical hot blonde with blue eyes who can pass for half my age. That's not good enough for Jewish men." She said, "I don't want to speak in mixed company." I said, "well, your husband is not one of those men, he DID marry and your son in law is also not one of those men, he did marry your daughter. These men that are decent and single are single because they are holding out for something better... perpetually something better." Then the woman told me about how 50 year old men call up saying 18 to 25. Besides, which if the men aren't looking for out of line young, they will be set up with women who aren't converts.... ya know their friend's daughter and stuff. I'm not someone's daughter.

 I think you should be less willing to do so much so soon. In some ways you are very confident and that might intimidate some men.

That's true. I've been through a lot in my life. Besides my mother dying when I was in high school, I've had a lot of other things happen that I don't want to discuss on my blog. Being put through the wringer over and over again and only coming out with a bruise or two makes a person confident.


  1. You know if it is of any help to you, I personally made my decision that in this lifetime I don't want to get married. I don't think it's that bad as long as you are good enough for yourself.

    I would not put up with anyone dictating me who to date. I would not let them tell me who to date. I would put the restrictions beforehand: only this age range, anything out of this line is a no-no regardless of how good the matchmakers may think their matches may be. Besides, do matchmakers make some profit from making matches? IMHO they do this to you on purpose, making you feel bad about yourself so that when you have low self-esteem you would settle for something less.

    I don't care and pretty much don't even want to get married and so people don't get a chance to set me up with people of lower quality so to say since I'm not interested in getting married in the 1st place. in any case, there can be other ways to find someone. Independently of what other people tell you.

    And besides, since you are a female, regardless of who you would marry, any children would be Jewish anyway...it goes by the mother. Just saying....

  2. See, I don't think my experiences have been as bad as those of my friend. If I meet someone, great. I would like to, but men just feel so entitled and they are used to women falling at their feet. They have no incentive to date a tough cookie like me. They like girly girls, delicate and super sweet (though so many are really passive agressive).

    I'm starting to think maybe whatever commenter who said I should consider Israelis is right-not because I was in the army, but I think they are used to women who are a little more tough and less girly. People tell me a little like an Israeli woman.