Guest post by anonymous... continued
Recent actual example: I hosted two Bais Yaakov grads last week that were dating men in the area and wanted to spend Shabbat together. Around my age, and one was very similar in appearance and build to me. The girls arrive to my apartment wearing skinny jeans, that show off their shape nicely and short sleeve t-shirt under their heavy jacket. Their Shabbat outfits had V-necklines, their hems were a few inches above the knee and really they could have used the next dress size larger for a modest fit. They were nice outfits for someone secular, but very inappropriate for frum women.
Yet they were the girls dating nice guys and having fun, basking in male attention, while I was rotting away alone. Over dinner I heard about their great dates and fun things they get to do. Their dates rent cars to pick them up, they go to expensive restaurants, shows, clubs, charity events, etc. Nothing anywhere near this has happened even once with me and they get this treatment all the time??? I wanted to just die right there I felt like such a freak. No one has any age-appropriate shidduch suggestions for modest convert me. I've asked, and all I get is empty promises to help me, but never a follow through with a suggestion of someone that's my age and in the ballpark of religious. I'm sure someone will suggest another wonderful shadchan. I don't need more shadchans, I need actual man that wants to date and is serious about marriage.
In the last 2 years, I've met just 4 men for dates, none through shadchans (again, no one respects me wanting to date around my age). I've had oodles more men that like email exchanges and chat on phone but don't want to meet—time wasters. My last date was early last summer, the jerk showed up 50 minutes late in rumpled clothes, and didn't even offer me a drink at Starbucks before he quickly left because he was so tired. The two dates I had the year before, I traveled out of town for both for hours on a bus, one guy forgot his wallet when paying for a slice of pizza. The travel was longer than the date, not to mention my expense. The other guy, a bit outside of my age range, I met at an outreach center where I stayed over shabbat. Well, for our 'date' after shabbat he invited me to partake in the shul's kiddush leftovers because going out, even for Starbucks would be a 'waste' since there's a coffeemaker at the shul. He wanted to date again and I declined. I'm still hearing about I let that latter wonderful guy get away. The fourth guy in 2 years was so awful it would require a separate post.
To be continued....