In the past year I've made more effort to go to more events going out of town, even sponsoring a few, asking more people to help, only to not get a single date. I had more dates when I was first converted and younger, but it was more of the same expeiences.
So it's not a NYC thing, I go to other events in the Northeast, fly to Florida, west coast, and it's the ffb skin that wins, not convert modesty. In the rest of my life, I'm successful and happy. Yet, the stigma of a convert and my competing with skin is a losing battle in wanting to find a life partner.
Yet, I suppose I should feel all warm and fuzzy that at least I'm modest, upholding halacha and alone. While the girls that bend the rules are rewarded with having the time of their life and they do get married. It is time I give up on ever getting married since no one wants to consider a convert, and the ones that will are very old or otherwise gross. OK I know as a convert, I'm going to get tons of mussar and a re-explaining of the halacha that I already know on proper dressing. Also told to daven more and give more charity (which I do) or volunteer (I deliver meals, go to nursing home weekly, soup kitchen twice a month).
I'll also be warned not to be jealous of other girls getting nice treatment. I do wish those women the best, but I don't see how I should be supportive of their breaking halacha and tzniut standards and getting rewarded for it with male attention and shul leadership turning a blind eye their way (but critical of me if I don't accept every last chumrot). Then the girls bragging to me about perks I've never had. Meanwhile, I follow halacha and get ignored.
Yes I know there's tons of books and shuirim on the subject for encouragement. I've read them and gone to speakers. Honestly though. men need them more than I do--their attention to showing skin off and ignoring the properly dressed woman is what fuels this. Reading more on modesty just upsets me because I don't see it practiced. The ravs and rebetzins that promote this @#$%^ are all married, generally young at that, and likely didn't have any dating difficulties. It's no issue for them to promote tzniut, in fact they don't want their male family members tarnished by inappropriate women. But really those ravs and rebbetzins as long as their books sell couldn't care less about modest women and their challenges.